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Week 9

Hello, Hello?  I might have posted that video in a previous post but I don’t care cause it’s fucking great.  If you have 10 minutes in your day please view the whole thing and relish in how pathetic it is.   Please never make a tape like this to a loved one.

Well, first things first, we continued our plow horse type movement through Week 8.  Another 2-1 week on the Best Bets and was feeling good going into Sunday’s night game with a potential of going 3-0 but The Pack let us down.    It brings our best bet record to a real sold 16-8 year to date.  We did lose the parlay also with The Pack losing so that was a disappointment.   We also lost in our survivor pool with Dallas bowing out like a bunch of cunts.  More on that below.  However, I have a real cheeky 3 team teaser that will be unleashed down below.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

This is something that needs to explained to me.  How does a city like Jacksonville have an NFL team and a metropolis like Los Angeles have no NFL team.  I know that LA fans are terrible and LA in general is terrible but I would think you would draw more overall plus you would be able to negotiate a better TV contract because your adding the second largest TV market to the pool.  Do you know the ranking of the Jacksonville TV market.  It’s 47th in the nation.  Allow me to give you 3 other TV markets that are bigger than Jacksonville.  Birmingham, AL.  Norfolk-Newport News, VA.  Greensboro-Winston Salem, NC.   The league would theoretically be able to make more money if instead of the Jacksonville Jaguars they had the Norfolk Shitheads.   If you don’t believe me than check out this link.  (Side Note: you should believe anything you read on the internet, especially from a news quality site like this one.)

http://www.stationindex.com/tv/tv-markets

 I would really love to know the reasoning.   Have you ever been or driven through Jacksonville?  It’s horrendous.   Nothing about that city says “Hey lets put a football team here.”  There has to be something more than meets the eye.    If anyone who reads this is from Jacksonville or currently lives in Jacksonville then I’m sorry we cannot be friends or acquaintances any longer because you’re hometown is fucking brutal.

WEEKLY RANT

Speaking of things that are more than meets the eye, did anyone hear about the guy who wonder off during halftime from the Denver game last week.  I have been absolutely fucking enthralled with this story.   Luckily, they found the guy unharmed an astonishing 4 days later.   He was found in Pueblo, CO 130 miles away.  He supposedly hitchhiked down there.  Do you know the reason he gave the cops?  He said that he said he had his fill of football and that he likes to walk and wander, and he was looking for a warmer place.  This guy is my fucking hero.  He also told the cops he hadn’t watched TV so he didn’t know that people were looking for him.   I really want to fly out to Denver or wherever the fuck this guy lives and just pick his brain on how to just not give a fuck about anything.   The details are sketchy because this guy is the epitome of sketchy but the big break came from his a friend of his Ex-wife who said she picked him up at a Salvation Army and dropped hm at a hotel in Pueblo.   Total Sketch but what an awesome fella!

This reminds me of a story about how Hal Verl missed the second half of an NFL game.  Hal wasn’t as lucky as just to walk away from the game.  I was rather taken into custody in football jail.  Allow me to set the the scene for you.  Flashback to October 2010 and halftime of the Giants – Bears showdown in NJ.  It was a defensive struggle with the Giants leading 3-0.  Jay Cutler had already been sacked 9 times and injured during the first half but the game was very much in doubt.  Hal Verl got thirsty and was standing in line at the beer line during the end of halftime.   At that time, you couldn’t buy beer after halftime.  However, I had been in line for a while and there was no one behind me.  The people in front of me were served and out of nowhere a security guard came flying up in his yellow jacket and got right in my face and said I couldn’t be served anymore.  I replied nicely and said something to the effect that I had been waiting on line for a while and the people in front of me got beer and there is no one behind me.  He then asked if I wanted to be a tough guy.  I really didn’t know what that meant and I quickly realized that me thirst for beer was not going to be quenched.  I replied to him that I didn’t want to be a tough guy but informed him I thought he was a cunt.   He surprisingly didn’t like that and we exchanged a few more pleasantries and I was guided back towards our seats.   From that point, it should have been over but I had other ideas.  I had to go up a small stair case in the concourse and as I circled around on top of the stairs I saw the same security guard down on the floor below.   I started screaming down at him, “Hey you in the yellow jacket, yeah you, YOU’RE A CUNT.  YOU ARE A CUNT.”   Boy was I proud of myself.  Even though I didn’t get that beer I felt that I got the last word in.  I started going back to the seats where I was grabbed by 2 gentlemen who informed me that I had violated the conduct policy in the stadium as I was screaming and cursing in front of children.  I pleaded my case but knew I would not be returning to my seats.    I figured that I would just be escorted outside where I could catch the game back at the tailgate spot.   Instead, they brought me up to the very tippy top of the stadium in a large white room with no windows or TV’s.  It was clear that I was in the drunk tank/stadium jail.  They took my inside and told me to have a seat.  (Funny side story:  I actually sat with Andy Robestelli’s family in stadium jail who was also kicked out of the game because they got into an argument with people sitting next to them.  Andy Robestelli’s was being honored at halftime of that game and they missed it.)  They took my ID and told me they would let me go once they made sure I wasn’t some convict or anything.   You could hear cheering of the stadium but you had no idea what was going on.  The only thing that was clear was when the Giants later scored a touchdown.   They were bringing people in and letting people go basically the entire time I was there.   I figured that I would be let go but I must have pissed off the wrong security guard as I was one of the last ones to be released after the game had ended.  The only people that were left we ones that basically couldn’t walk out because they were too drunk.   I learned a few lessons that day. #1 Just sneak a flask into the stadium so you don’t have to worry about beer timelines.   #2 Don’t call security guards cunts.  Find a better word.  #3 Andy Robestilli’s niece was kind of a wouldn’t.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Eric the Midget passed away a few weeks back which was sad news.  This is a long clip but the first few minutes are pretty great.  Eric tries to explain why he is not a wack packer.   I don’t get to listen to Howard anymore but I really miss it and will miss Eric the Actor.

 MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)

Good news, bad news in this section.  I was actually able to win my normal head to head but I also engaged in another one with a reader of the site who will remain nameless and got beat pretty good.  That’s something I wanted to bring up, if anyone wants to challenge me in a head to head on Fan Duel my username is vgeorge19 and I will take on all challengers.    For this week, I’m going pretty heavy on the Indy-Giants game which I would think should be high scoring.

QB E Manning $7600

RB L Miller $7300

RB A Bradshaw $7500

WR T Hilton $8100

WR R Randle $6400

WR S Smith $7200

TE V David $5700

K B Mcmanus $4600

D Cincy $5600

SURVIVOR POOL PICK OF THE WEEK

I broke a #1 rule I was trying to follow and it ended up killing  me.  There were too many things pointing to Dallas not being the pick last week and I didn’t listen to myself.  #1 rule I tried to never pick division games.  There is just too much familiarity that those games are tough to predict.  Secondly, if you really look at who Dallas beat, the only impressive win out of the 6 was beating at Seattle.  That was impressive not because Seatlle is a good team but nobody wins in Seattle.  The remaining teams they beat are either garbage or barely mediocre.    The pick last week was Miami and I seriously considered them but failed to pull the trigger.  So there are only 19 people left in the pool with 19 losing on Dallas.  I guess the only saving grace was watching Dallas lose and Romo getting hurt was at a minimum fun to watch.  I’ll keep picking to see if I can make it to the end of the pool.  This week’s picks Cincinnati.

HAL’S WEEK 9 PICKS

NFL WEEK 9 linesjpg_Page1

** – Bonus 3 Team Teaser – 6 points / Bengals -5.5, KC -4.5, Arizona +9

WEEK 8 GAMES PLOW HORSE REVIEW

NFL WEEK 8 lines resutsjpg_Page1LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 8 Results 7-8

YTD Results 60-59

Week 8 Best Bets 2-1

Best Bets YTD 16-8

Parlays YTD 1-1

Teasers YTD 1-0

Quote of the Week

This week’s

I like to see the good in a bad situation.   Whenever I run into a spiderweb I just pretend I crossed the finish line of a race I didn’t know I entered.   Hard to throw up from fear when you are too busy being a fucking champion.

–Unknown comedian

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Jeffersonss “Well we’re movin on up, To the east side. To a deluxe apartment in the sky. Movin on up,To the east side. We finally got a piece of the pie!”

I’m doing a little shuffle as we speak.  The best part is the wife’s name in the Jefferson’s is Florida.  That’s awesome, how did that not catch on in the baby naming world?  Well, there is Flo Rida but that doesn’t count.  Who wouldn’t want to name their kid after a state that’s hot as fuck overflowing with homeless and drug addicts.  Shocking it didn’t catch on.  (Side Note, the weather actually as been very nice here lately)

Our first positive ATS week going a solid 8-5.   Some real solid picks, almost picked the exact scores of both the NE/MIA & NO/BUF.    Although 8-5 isn’t anything to write home about, it was a week I desperately need to get rolling here into the second half of the season.   I feel a winning streak coming on in this edition.  Also be forewarned, this will be a heavy you tube blog this week.  I think you’ll enjoy though.

I was realizing today I don’t really do anything any more.  Play some golf on Saturdays but that’s really the extent of what I do outside of going to work.  I need to start doing more I think.  It not for the lack of not wanting to do anything but sometimes you just need to break the routine.   Waiting for this kid to pop out probably has something to do with it and I’m sure I will be begging for the time where I didn’t have to do anything.  In the meantime, I’ve been watching a ton of game shows for some reason.  Wheel of Fortune then Jeopardy from 7pm-8pm have pretty much become a staple in the Hal residence.  Family Feud has made multiple appearances as well.  The newer ones with Steve Harvey actually aren’t that bad.  The other hosts I just tune out.  I’ve noticed myself really critiquing the game strategy or stupid moves from the players so much where it’s like I’m watching a football game.  I literally pop up from my chair like a ref just threw a questionable pass interference call.  It drives me crazy that these people go through all the effort to get on the show and then do something ridiculous.  You don’t see many blunders in Jeopardy because those people are usually smart.  The worst thing is when they don’t bet enough on daily doubles.  That’s about the worst thing you can do in Jeopardy but if it’s a category your not strong in then at least it’s acceptable.   The other 2 shows usually don’t have the brightest people however.  Let me give you some examples.

Wheel of Fortune

Magic Sand??????????

Just looking at the freeze frame of this one you just wonder how this could be.

Family Feud

There’s nothing better than the buzzer on a zero in all of game show sound effects.

YOU TUBE VIDEO OF THE WEEK

I told you this would be a heavy You Tube edition.  The one thing I’ve realized is the more of these videos I put in the less I have to write.   Like I said earlier I don’t do much so I don’t have much to talk about.  I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel with game show talk.  Luckily I don’t have just 1 video but rather 3.   With all the talk of game shows it got me thinking of the best game show Family Guy Videos of all time.

Lois gets 199 points.  Now Peter just needs 1 point to bring home the Bacon in round 2

How do I pass? Just the best

Lastly, Peter on Wheel of Fortune….I miss when they would make you pick the prizes in the showcase.  They should bring some form of that back.

STAND UP COMEDY CLIP OF THE WEEK

HIGHLY RANKED FANTASY PLAYER THAT WILL SHIT THE BED THIS WEEK

Last week’s selection of AJ Green wasn’t a rousing success but it wasn’t an epic failure.  I would say he still kinda shit the bed considering his QB threw for 5TD’s.   He caught 3 balls for 115 so 11.5 standard points.  Good not great.  He didn’t set the world on fire but didn’t totally shit the bed.  I would probably call that a push.

This week I’m going to go big.  He won’t shit the bed but I think he might be limited and he’s the #1 ranked QB this week across the board.

Drew Brees @ NYJ #1 ranked QB on Sportsline & Rotoworld

You might be saying I’m nuts, Brees just threw for 5TD’s.  He did that at home in the dome.  #1 Looking at Sunday’s weather in East Rutherford it appears winds will be in the mid teens. #2 Rob Ryan is the D coordinator of the Saints and so I think that Rex Ryan’s knows his brother’s D so he is going to try to control the ball to keep Brees off the field.  Plus the Jets have been on the 1 good week, 1 bad week train.  This week should be a good week hypothetically.

Forecast:  20-30, 300 YDS, 2 TD 1 INT, 19 standard fantasy points

WEEK 9’s Picks

CIN @ MIA (+3.5)

The last thing the Dolphins needed was something like this Jonathan Martin thing.  Details are sketchy but it seems like he was made fun of so he went home.  The fair weather sports fan down here in south florida will love that one.

Bengals 28 Fins 17

KC @ BUF (+3.5)

I’m really looking forward to the week of picking the Chefs to lose because I think once they lose it will start a streak of a couple in a row.   It’s supposed to be chilly so I think I’ll hold off for another week as I think that type of game plays into their hands.

Chefs 17 Bills 13

SD @ WAS (+1.5)

I’m going to go with a strategy to pick the favorites of teams who were coming off byes last week.  In a perfect world, since I hate the Chargers and they are coming across the country I would normally pick against them.  But I’ll go with this strategy and see how it goes.

Bolts 27 Skins 24

NO @ NYJ (+6.5)

The first four games so far have been home dogs.  Although I don’t think the Jets will get blown out like last week, I don’t think they will cover either.

Saints 24 Jets 13

ATL @ CAR (-7.5)

There are many disappointing teams this year but I think the Falcons have to be very much on top of the list.  They look horrible.  Nobody is really talking about how bad they are and that’s shocking.  They were a Super Bowl contender.  Carolina is up and coming but I don’t think they are “there” yet.  However, Atlanta looks like a shell of themselves and are a candidate just to pack it in.

Panthers 28 Falcons 20

TEN @ STL (+3.5)

Another home dog and another team coming off a bye that’s favored.  I’m going to play that strategy across the board regardless on how I feel about the game.

Titans 19 Rams 14

MIN @ DAL (-10.5)

Wow that cowboys game last week was crazy.  I’m going to assume they bounce back from that.  But who knows with that team.

Boys 30 Vikes 17

TB @ SEA (-16.5)

Huge mismatch…I have no problem laying those points.  I need to learn to stop laying those points with Seattle when they play inside their division.  Outside of it they are usually ok.

Hawks 31 Bucs 9

PHI @ OAK (-2.5)

Nick Foles is back but the Eagles are pretty bad.  Oakland isn’t great but I’ll take that line at home.

Raiders 27 Eagles 21

PIT @ NE (-6.5)

Really tough game to call, this would be a great game to tease in both directions.

Pats 28 Steelers 20

BAL @ CLE (+2.5)

Another favored team off bye along with another home dawg.  It’s weird how this keeps coming up like this.

Ravens 19 Browns 13

IND @ HOU (+2.5)

2 teams coming off the buy so I will go with who’s favored.

Colts 24 Texans 16

CHI @ GB (-10.5)

That’s a lot of points to give in a big rivalry game especially on a Monday night.  The problem for da bears is what kind of performance will you get out of your back up.  That will be the difference.  I think he will be good enough to cover.

Pack 33 Microwearhouses 24

LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 7 ATS Record 8-5

Season ATS Record 26-31

Week 7 SU Record 9-4

Season SU Record 38-19

Family Guy Quote

“With great mustache, comes great responsibility” -Peter Griffin