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The division round just did not fall our way like the wild card round did.  We went a disappointing 1-3.   Normally with shitty results like that I would be disappointed but I really still feel good about the losing picks.  My keys pretty much came true but just wasn’t on the right side of the lines.  Even in hindsight I don’t think I would have changed the bets and here’s why:

I absolutely nailed Peyton Manning looking like garbage.  He was clearly playing hurt but he is just not a clutch quarterback.  Never has been.  He is the best regular season QB in the history of the game but he is not the same player in the playoffs.  I’ve said in a million times, in the regular season there’s no one better but in a big spot I would rather have his brother.   This was our only victory last week.

If the Pats didn’t come out so flat and spot the Ravens 14 points then that game would have been an easy win vs. a close lose.   They moved the ball and basically ran the same 2 plays over and over again.

Carolina was driving to cover late in the game and Newton throws a pick 6 in the red zone.  Another analysis that was accurate.  I said if Newton turns the ball over then they wouldn’t cover and if he didn’t then it would be a no brainer.  He turned the ball over a couple of times and they stilled almost pulled out a cover.  That game was much closer than the final score indicated.  It was tight the majority of the game.

With the Packers / Cowboys game, I don’t think anyone knew what kind of shape that Aaron Rodgers was going to be in.  You could tell he wasn’t moving well so if I had know that I probably would have went with the Cowboys but no one knew what shape he was in except for Green Bay and they hid it pretty well.   Obviously another close game that just wasn’t on the right side of the line.

That’s gambling I guess.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

I love watching the coaching carousel go around and around.  It’s actually quite amusing.  It’s great that one team might want nothing to do with a guy and another think he is the savior.  I think the couple of moves that will be interesting to watch.  Rex Ryan to the Bills is funny on many levels.  His problem will be the same with the Jets being that he currently doesn’t have a quarterback.  John Fox to Da Bears is a good move for them and one that seems to make sense.  He’ll get that defense back to a better state but again you have a big question mark at QB there.  If Cutler gets his act together then he could have success there.

I again got to watch all of the games this weekend and obviously there was some big moments.  I guess the biggest would be “The Reversal.”  Let me get this out of the way.  I don’t like the rule and I think most observers would say that’s as close to a catch that you are going to get.  However, that’s the current rule and I think they got the call correct according to the rule.  That doesn’t necessarily mean I agree with it.   I would think they will take a look at the rule but I really don’t see how you can change it.  The way it’s written now there’s not much room for error.  You have to maintain control all the way through.  Once you start opening that up it can be looked in too many ways.   I would like to see them change it but I just don’t know how they are going to make it work.

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 WEEKLY RANT

untitledaI haven’t watched Biggest Loser in a while but I saw that ex NFL QB Scott Mitchell is on this season and he weighed in at 366.  That’s fucking crazy to me.  This guy was a professional athlete for Christ sake.  How do you let yourself go like that?  It sounds like there is some sob story behind which I don’t really care to find out about.  I totally understand packing on some pounds as you get older.  In fact my own waste line is a fucking disaster but what the fuck man.   I would think once you hit 300 a bell would go off and you would maybe start doing something about it.  I’m sure he has some money as he signed some terribly large and underserving contracts.   To give you perspective, former Offensive tackle Damien Woody is on the show and he weighed in at 388.  But he’s a offensive lineman.  I’m sure he played his whole career well over 300 lbs. so it’s not a stretch for him to be in that stratosphere..

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

I’m back on the comedian Video of the Week kick.  It’s Bill Burr so you know it’s good.  It’s from a Conan interview that was on I guess at the beginning of the season.  I didn’t even know that Conan was still on.  It’s well worth 3 minutes.  In other Bill Burr news he was a new stand up special on Netflix which I caught last week.  It’s real good too but the whole thing is in black and white which I didn’t really care for but overall a good special.

STOCK CHART OF THE WEEK

cotw-2015-0119-chartVery interesting chart of Gold.  It’s basically been a straight down move for the precious metal for over a year now.  It’s starting to show a little stability however the strong dollar will keep a cap on it for the most part.  However, there will be a time in the future where gold will have it’s day again especially once all of the central banks maneuvering comes to roost.

CHAMPIONSHIP PICKS

These fucking lines are tough.  They are making you almost have to take the road teams.   Both lines are -7 to the home teams.  That’s a ton of points at this point in the season.

Patriots -7 vs. Colts 

I don’t know what it is but I just think that the Colts are that team that people have overlooked and will make it to the Super Bowl.  The Pats really haven’t looked all that great at times and they are so limited with weapons.  Andrew Luck is the next great player in this league and he can will his team to a win.  I would think the best risk reward bet this week would be the Colts moneyline as I think they can win straight up.   Chuck Strong is such an emotional guy that’s been playing a role in the last few games.  Give me the boys from Indy with the Points. PICK Colts +7 

Seattle -7 vs. Pack 

The elephant in the room is obviously how mobile will Aaron Rodgers be.  He had one of those Willis Reed moments last week where he gutted out a very nice performance but he was clearly limited.  If he is the same as he was vs. the Cowboys then it’s going to be a long day for the Pack.  I would assume that Seattle is going to bring as much pressure as they can and use their physical corners to lock up the GB wide receivers.   PICK Seahawks -7

 YTD RESULTS

Playoff Week 2 Results 1-3

ALL PLAYOFF RESULTS 4-4

Regular Season + Playoffs YTD Results 100-93

Best Bets YTD 23-16

Parlays YTD 1-1

Teasers YTD 2-0

Quote of the Week

This Week’s:

-“I was in a bathroom stall and someone had written ‘For a good time call this number’ so I called it.  It was a petting zoo.  It was a great time.   They had Ducks.

-Zach Smith

ccc

The wild card weekend started off very nice in Parlays and Teasers Land.  We went a real solid 3-1.  Just missed making it a perfect week with Dallas not able to cover.   Going into the Cowboys Lions game I was thinking I was sitting in a good spot as I figured if the Cowboys won and covered I would have a perfect week and if they lost then I would be happy too.  Alas, it was not meant to be as they won but didn’t cover but it doesn’t ruin a good start to the post season

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

I surprisingly got to watch decent amounts of all of the games and they were all decent to watch.  The best game was the aforementioned Dallas Detroit game.    There obviously been a ton of chatter about this game most notably the pass interference flag and Chris Christie.  Here’s my take on both items:

Regarding the pass interference call, my personal opinion is I thought it was a penalty in real speed and on the replay.   That’s not really the important part.  I actually wouldn’t of had a problem if it was called or even it wasn’t called.  Watching all of the games last weekend, it seemed clear to me the refs were letting much more go than during the regular season.  I saw many plays were there was a good amount of jostling going on and nothing being called.  So if they didn’t call it, then I wouldn’t have been shocked.    The main issue I have with it is picking up a flag from the ref who had the closest and clearest view of the play which defies logic.    Also, by starting that precedent where flags can be picked up is only going to make things worse in future games.   Either make every fucking play reviewable or let the refs make the calls.   Stop with the second guessing garbage, there’s no need for it and it just creates confusion.

On to the portly presidential candidate from the Garden State, oh where do I begin?  First, let me say I really don’t have any problem with him being a Cowboys fan.  He can cheer for whatever team he wants.   My main problem is that he has to know that cameras are going to be on Jones’ luxury box and doesn’t think that’s a bad idea so I have to question his judgment at a minimum.  I also have to question his ethical stance as you can’t be a rational person and believe all of that was on the up and up.   As much as they want to spin it that it didn’t cost the NJ taxpayers anything, it did because they have to bring security outfits to protect his chubbiness.  Stories are now coming out about some business connections between him and Jones which is the real reason that they are such close friends all of a sudden.  Lastly, and most important, if you are going to claim your allegiance to the Cowboys then you are not allowed to do this:

images  ccNext time a team from your state wins the Super Bowl leave your sausage fingers off the thing.  You can’t have both.

 WEEKLY RANT

-It’s amazing how finicky fantasy football can be sometimes.  I watched in amazement as some of the players I picked either had a TD called back due to penalty or a being just short.  Antonio Brown caught a long pass from Big Ben that was initially ruled a TD but was nullified by him being down at the half yard line.  Cody Fleener has a TD called back due to penalty.  Torrey Smith had a second TD in his grasp but couldn’t get his second foot down.  I don’t think I had seen a week where no less than 4TDs didn’t happen for one reason or another.   It didn’t really matter as I didn’t hit submit on Fan Duel before the deadline so it was all for not but amazing regardless.

-Here are a list of Movies I have never seen before:

Any of the Harry Potters (haven’t seen 1 minute of them.  However, I have been on the Harry Potter ride at Disney World)

None of the recent Batmans or Dark Knights (I think the last one I saw was the one where Danny DeVito was the Penguin.  That happened right?)

The Iron Man Series (I’ve seen parts of #1 but never the whole thing.  Bored to Death)

Any of the Transformers (I was always more a Voltron kid)

Any of the Lord of the Rings (Is that the same as Harry Potter?)

None of these movies can hold a candle to; Back to the Future II, Midnight Madness, Can’t Hardly Wait, Airborne, North Shore or Commando.  All of which I’ve seen dozens if not hundreds of times.

-Did you see the broad who was on the Jumbotron at the Alabama OSU game stroking the guys hair?  After realizing she was on TV she freaks.  It’s come out since that she claims she was reacting to the play on the field and they are together.  I guess that’s a reasonable explanation but she acted in an embarrassed or caught manner.  I actually feel bad for this broad as regardless of what the real story is she will always be remembered as a cheating girlfriend or whatever.   I’m sure she comes from some hick town in Alabama and get snickered at in the town square all day long.  Dumb broad.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

I saw this and it’s pretty funny about having kids.  In his case 4 kids, which sounds like fucking lunacy to me.

MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)

QB  T Romo $8600

RB  CJ Anderson $8700

RB D Herron $6100

WR S Smith $6600

WR T Williams $5800

WR K Benjamin $6400

TE Gronk $7900

K  D Bailey $4600

D  Seahawks $5200

STOCK CHART OF THE WEEK

ON-BH758_GTChar_NS_20141231151321That is what you call a multi year rip your face off rally.   The multiple V shaped recoveries time after time are pretty incredible to look at on the chart.   However, my feeling is the uptrend should continue but not on a such steep incline and those pullbacks will become more common.

WILD CARD PICKS

Patriots -7 vs. Ravens

Weather is going to be a factor in a couple of these games.   Game temp will be in 20s and wind chill in the teens.  The Ravens looked pretty good last week but in my opinion the Steelers weren’t a very good team to begin with and were without their starting running back.  I’ll take Tom Brady in those conditions.   PICK Pats -7 

Seattle -11 vs. Panthers

I’m so torn with this game.   Even though the Panthers shouldn’t be able to move the ball that well, I don’t like Seattle’s offense that much.  The Carolina D has been playing pretty well and that’s just a big number to cover.  If Newton doesn’t turn the ball over then this is a slam dunk.  However if he does it could get ugly.  PICK Panthers +11

 Pack -6 vs. Cowboys

This one is easy for me as it’s all about the weather and not really about the teams.   This game’s temp will be in teens and wind chill in the single digits and maybe some snow.  I think GB is just built a little better for those conditions.  If this game was in a dome I would probably have different feelings.   PICK Pack -6

Denver -7 vs. Colts

Maybe its me but I’m just not a believer in Peyton Manning, he hasn’t looked good in at least a month and he’s never been the greatest in the playoffs.  I like Andrew Luck to keep them in the game to keep it close enough to cover.  PICK Colts +7

 YTD RESULTS

Playoff Week 1 Results 3-1

Regular Season + Playoffs YTD Results 99-89

Best Bets YTD 23-16

Parlays YTD 1-1

Teasers YTD 2-0

Quote of the Week

This week’s which is my favorite line from the Video of the Week:

-You want to know what it’s like to have a 4th kid?    Imaging you are drowning.  Then someone hands you a baby.

-Jim Gaffigan

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Welcome back all to a new playoff edition of Parlays and Teasers.  I hope everyone has had a nice holiday season and it’s great to be back.  I took a nice little siesta from the website.  There were a few reasons for this.  First and probably most important, time during the holidays obviously gets more and more hard to come by.  I just couldn’t find time to get thoughts to pen and paper before the games were starting.  I find it fascinating that the guys who write serious blogs have the time to write so frequently.    Secondly, I found myself really struggling to pick any games.  I was rally starting to have too many doubts.   It is actually quite reminiscent of being on an extremely hot blackjack table and then realizing that it’s turning on you.  Many of you degenerates that read this blog can relate to this.   There are sometimes during a silly run of cards where you can do no wrong.  Splits, double downs…It doesn’t matter you are going to win the majority of hands.    There’s nothing better than that feeling, the booze is flowing, people are cursing and screaming and have everyone is having a grand old time.

Then all of a sudden something changes.

It could be a new dealer, it could be some douche not hitting or staying when they should be that kills the vibe or it could be you have to take a piss or a call.  I got the same feeling back in week 14.  I was on about a 2 month tear winning at a 70% clip.  I knew that wasn’t sustainable so instead of still sitting at that table and losing all the gains I was able to step back and reevaluate.   Week 14 I just had no idea what was going on.  I decided to take a step back and let the games play out and then focus on the playoffs.  Overall, in the regular season, I went 96-88 on all picks and 23-16 on Best bets(59%).  It was a solid year but not as spectacular as it could have been.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

And then there were 12.   No real surprises except for maybe Carolina getting on a little roll and taking the NFC South.  That’s not really surprising considering the records of that division.    There are some decent games this wild card weekend.    The nice thing about having such few games I can throw my 2 cents in and be a little more detailed on each picks, ala previous years of P&T.

 WEEKLY RANT

So this past week was in essence the end of my use of the Direct TV Sunday NFL Ticket as obviously all of the playoff games are shown on national TV going forward.  I wanted to use the opportunity to compare costs of having it vs not.   The costs for the season of the package is about $250.  At first glance that seems a little high but when you dig deep down then it really isn’t that bad.   Most teams have a handful of games on Monday, Sunday or Thursday night Football.   Using my NY Football Giants as an example, I think they had 5 primetime games this year which leads to 11 games with the potential of needing the Ticket to be able to watch since I out of the local NY/NJ viewing area.   In fact, since they were pretty terrible I don’t recall them ever being a game of the week where they were a national game so let’s just say I needed the Ticket to watch 10 of their game to make the math easy.   So let’s first review the costs of 10 trips to the sportsbar.   This is the part where it can be up for debate.   You could go economically and just drink beer specials and not eat anything.  If that’s the case you could probably get out of there only spending say $20 if there are bucket specials or something but that sounds so boring.  I would think though on average you’re going to spending about $40-50 per trip with tip and all that jazz.  I mean your there for 4 hours for cry pete.   You easily could spend more but for argument sake let’s say that’s an average for a normal Sunday.   Let’s call it $500 for the season, could be more or less.  So going back to the review of the NFL ticket.  It’s $250 plus the cost of whatever you would consume at home.  I totally drank more for the later games than I would for the early games.  Side note, what’s funny is that is the exact opposite before I became a grown up.  I use to drink so much more for the early games because that’s what you do when you have no responsibilities.  In any event, I would seem to buy a case of beer once every 2 weeks.  Case of Coors light is about $15 give or take.  Let’s call that 5 cases of beer for those 10 games and were looking at $75.  I would normally eat whatever was around the house and never really bought something specific for game days at home.  Total cost of NFL Ticket:  $325.  Now the cost is only the first part of it.  The second part and something that is way more important is the ability to tape games in case you weren’t going to be around for kickoff.  I know for a few of those games I was either running late or maybe driving back to the house and was just able to tape while being careful not to see scores or anything.  It’s great blowing through the commercials and being able to catch up by halftime.    I think the cost and flexibility of the ticket is well worth it if you are not in the main viewing area of your teams.

I got pulled over the other day in a town called Marshville in the middle of the nowhere in NC.  Now I was speeding, he said I was doing 53 in a 35.  Also, I still have my old Florida plates that I haven’t changed over yet.  That FL registration expired in February of 2014.    For some reason the cop left me off with a warning only.  The lesson I leaned that day was I can speed without having proper state registration and there are no consequences for that.

Lastly, Where did the phrase “broke the internet” come from?  I heard a few times the last couple of weeks and it’s like hearing nails on a chalk board.  I first heard it when Kim Kardashian posed for some photoshopped pictures of her ass and cans.   Please do not say this phrase.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

I’m back on big people falling kick

MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)

QB  B Roethlisberger  $8500

RB  J Hill $7400

RB J Harris $5600

WR T Smith $7100

WR A Brown $9200

WR G Tate $6800

TE C Fleener $5500

K  M Nugent $4600

D  Panthers $5300

It so much easier to put a lineup together with less guys to choose form.

STOCK CHART OF THE WEEK

s-p-case-shiller-20-city-home-price-index-change-from-a-year-prior-s-p-case-shiller-20-city-home-price-index-change-from-a-year-prior_chartbui

Not really a stock chart but interesting look at home prices which seem to be leveling off a little but still near multi year highs.   I wish I had a bunch of cash burning a hole in my pocket in 2008 to buy a shit ton of real estate.  Would have been a nice trade.

WILD CARD PICKS

Panthers -6.5 vs. Cardinals

Even though the Cards are a crazy 11-5 ATS this year I just cant see them winning on the road with a 3rd string QB.  Carolina has got all the momentum and are home.  PICK  Panthers -6.5

Steelers -3 vs. Ravens

I’m not sure if this line has moved but Le’Veon Bell was just declared out so I’m going to take the Ravens to cover and all the Steelers skill players in Fantasy to make up for the loss of Bell.  PICK Ravens +3

Colts -3.5 vs. Bengals

To be honest neither team really deserves any boasts of confidence as both have been so up and down to close the season.  I’ll take Andrew Luck at home as I think he’s far superior to Dalton.  PICK Colts -3.5

Cowboys -7 vs. Lions

As much as it pains me to say, the Cowboys are probably the hottest team in the league right now.  I’m hoping their bubble gets burst but I don’t think it’s going to be this week.  It’s a big number to cover but they’ve been a good bet since November.  PICK Cowboys -7

REGULAR SEASON YTD RESULTS

Week 14 Results 7-8

Regular Season YTD Results 96-88

Week 14 Best Bets 0-3

Best Bets YTD 23-16

Parlays YTD 1-1

Teasers YTD 2-0

Quote of the Week

This week’s

“I just moved into my new house – so I had to go door to door to notify my neighbors that I am registered sex offender………I’m not really but it will keep those fucking kids out of my yard.”

– Comedian Scott Bolander

Odell

It’s nice to be back and hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving.  I apologize for not being able to post before the holiday but just didn’t have the time to sit down to get everything on the wonderful world wide web.  I was able to watch some of the Thanksgiving games but actually didn’t watch any other games live since I was doing a bit of driving on Sunday but watched some games on DVR later that night.  I didn’t get to comment on the catch pictured above.  There is only one word that comes to mind.  That word is Tits.

Is it the greatest catch ever?  The answer is No.  Is it the most athletic catch ever?  The answer is Yes.    The greatest catch ever is David Tyree’s helmet catch because it was on a game winning drive in the waning minutes of the Super Bowl.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

Every year there is a shit division and this year is no different.  The NFC South is dogshit with the Saints and Falcons being 5-7 leading the division.   One of them will get a home game and more than likely be tremendous underdogs.  I’ll probably be there in that first round ready to take them because I remember a few years ago when Seattle were 7-9 division winners and they beat the tar our of the Saints.   There’s something about the whole thing with teams playing all hyped up for that game to prove everyone wrong.

The playoff picture hasn’t really become any clearer.  In the AFC there are an amazing 11 teams that are between 9-3 and 7-5.   That is a pretty incredible stat.   In the NFC, you could see the Cardinals go from being 9-1 a few weeks back to 9-4 and possible looking from the outside of the playoff race.  It’s crazy how quickly fortunes can change.

 WEEKLY RANT

I was taking stock the other day and realized it’s currently a pretty sad state of affairs in Hal Verl’s world of sports fandom.   The teams I pledge allegiance to over the last few years have really hit tough sledding.  Now, I must say I have been a pretty fortunate fan when I look back at the overall big picture.   My 3 core teams of Giants, Devils & Yankees have done well in recent history.   The Giants have been to 5 Super Bowls since 1986 winning 4.  The Devils have been to 5 cups since 1995 winning 3.  The Yanks have been to 7 world Series since 1996 winning 5.   That’s a very good track record and has allowed me to watch some really big games.  The only one of those that is blurry is the 86 Super Bowl because I was only 8 but remember all of the other ones with very nice clarity.   I’ve also seen that game many times since so it’s clear now.

However, all 3 of these teams have hit hard times but the most disappointing part is that the prospects do not look bright.   The Giants last 3 season have basically been a disaster and they haven’t played in a really important game in 3 years.  They missed the playoffs 5 out of 6 years.    The Devils use to be an automatic into the playoffs for nearly 2 decades.   They’ve missed the playoffs last 2 years are not looking good this year.  The Yankees have also missed the playoffs last 2 years and haven’t played in a big game in a long time.   All 3 teams actually have eerily similar issues.  Their biggest problems stem from inferior rosters.  When compared to their peers, the holes in their rosters become very apparent.  All 3 of them also have front offices who have either been slow or not able to adapt their rosters.

There is hope for 2 of those teams.   The Giants have a star in Odell and is a game changing type player.  The Devils have a strong goaltender for a number of years in place and a strong core of young defensemen.  The Yankees, well, I really see no hope for quite some time.

My real silver lining is that I am not a NBA fan as I just don’t understand how people watch that league.  If they made college the only basketball league I would tune it as it’s far more watchable.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

 

This video should be mandatory watching for every male at the conclusion of high school.   Absolutely Mandatory.   I had never seen this before and a thanks to a certain gallus gallus domesticus (that’s scientific for chicken) for sending this to me.   It’s a few minutes long but well worth it.  I love how the guy is wearing a shirt and tie to make it seem more official.

 MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)

I’ve split the last 2 weeks but overall have had pretty good success the last month.  Been scoring around 120 on average.  I’ve able to ride Tre Mason and CJ Anderson on some good value and I’m sticking with them.  I’m terrible at picking QB’s, K’s & TE’s.  Just awful at it.

QB E Manning $7300

RB  CJ Anderson $7800

RB T Mason $7200

WR B Lafell $7100

WR D Hopkins $7500

WR O Beckham $8200

TE A Gates $5600

K  S Graham $4500

D  Chefs $4800

STOCK CHART OF THE WEEK

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As we know the market has been on a pretty nice multi year move to the upside.  A share of the movement has been caused by Central Banks around the world keeping interest rates artificially low which make stocks more attractive because it really forces you into the equity markets.  You’re not going to sit on cash making nothing.  The Federal Reserve has already stopped their policy of easing and will at some point in the future start raising rates.  Will it be in 2015? 2016? Nobody knows for sure.   In the very near term markets do not like announcements of rate increases.  However as you see above markets normally still try to head higher in the 12 months after a rate increase.   More importantly, as you also see above, volatility comes into play far more after rate increases.  My personal belief is that the Fed will have their first rate increase in late next year.   All other economic indicators are in pretty good shape which should give us the potential for another positive year next year but I think the upside is limited in the single digits and we’ll see more choppy, volatile trading throughout the year.

    HAL’S WEEK 14 PICKS

NFL WEEK 14 lines1jpg_Page1

WEEK 12 GAMES PLOW HORSE REVIEW NFL WEEK 12 lines results1jpg_Page1

LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 12 Results 7-7

YTD Results 89-80

Week 10 Best Bets 1-2

Best Bets YTD 23-13

Parlays YTD 1-1

Teasers YTD 2-0

Quote of the Week

This week’s

“Do you ever notice when people talk about where they live is a good place to raise kids?  What they are really trying to say is where I live is really segregated.”

– Daniel Tosh

I interrupt everyone getting Ebola for the latest edition of Parlays and Teasers.  I’m just a fucking plow horse.  If you need shit plowed you call me.  You need your street plowed when it snows, you call me.  You need a field of corn plowed during harvesting season.  You call me.  You need someone to plow horse through these NFL lines, you read Parlays and Teasers.  I’m just plow horsing these NFL lines week after week now.  Another 2-1 best bets in week 7 and a solid 9-5 overall ATS.   We’re at 66% winners on the Best Bets for the season.  That’s far better than I ever could have imagined especially after a 0-3 start.    If you strip out that first week then the winning percentage goes to 80% for Weeks 2-6.  That’s pretty fucking dope.   That’s the good news.  Here’s the bad news.  I hate this week, absolutely hate it.  I have no conviction whatsoever.  Full disclosure, I don’t think I’m going wager anything for myself this week as I just have no confidence.   The range of the lines are so compact.  The smallest line is 3 but the largest line is 7.  So basically Vegas is saying every game will be decided by a TD or less but more than a field goal.  Fuck you.  I’m having a hard time picking 3 best bets but I’m not one to back down for a challenge so let’s see if we can continue our momentum this week.    Back to the video above, what the fuck is that but damn that tune is catchy.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

Some fat white coach (probably Bill Parcells or Andy Reid) once said “You’re never as good as it looks and never as bad as it looks”.  It’s amazing the week to week swings some of these teams go through.  One week they look like they can make a run and the next they look awful.   It’s truly amazing.

I’ve been having a hard time getting the blog up before the Thursday night games.  But honestly, they all have been so terrible (with the exception of last night finally) I figured why bother rushing just to get it in before a terrible game.   I’m glad I haven’t the last few weeks as I probably would have been wrong.  But they really need to figure something out with those games because for the most part they have been unwatchable.

WEEKLY RANT

The biggest problem with gambling, fantasy, and being just a plain fan is that worlds collide so often it gets so hard for everything to align.  In fact, it rarely or never happens.  Case in point, last week when I found out that 40 people in Survivor had picked the Seahawks your immediately thought would normally “Come on Dallas”.  But being a fan of the New York Football Giants I hate Dallas.  Plus they were 4-1 and if they lost and Giants beat Philly (as we know none came close to happening) then there would be a logjam at the top of the NFC East.   But then you think the Survivor pool is like 9 grand so fuck it come on Dallas.    But does that make someone a bad fan cheering for a rival team.  I say no because it’s purely for betting purposes.  I also wasn’t openly cheering out loud.  If Seattle won then fine but I’m glad they lost because I’m halfway closer to the money.   I feel as long as you are not clearly cheering against your own team then it’s fine.

The last time the Kansas City Royals were in the World Series was 1985, 29 Years ago.  I was 7 years old, what a joke.   I thought it would be funny to see what was happening back then

  • Only six states had laws that required wearing seatbelts.
  • 20 states had not yet raised their minimum drinking age to 21.
  • You could still smoke on airplanes, but Aspen, Colo., had just begun enforcing a law banning smoking in restaurants, becoming the first American city to do so.
  •  “Back to the Future” ruled the box office that year, but for a few weeks in October, the No. 1 movie was “Commando,” in which Alyssa Milano, in her first major movie role, played the kidnapped daughter of Arnold Schwarzenegger.  (Side Note: Commando was a tits movie)
  • Billboard No. 1 songs in October were “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straits, “Oh Sheila” by Ready for the World, “Take on Me” by A-ha and “Saving All My Love for You” by Whitney Houston.
  • Nintendo was test-marketing its first home video game consoles in New York, featuring games like Duck Hunt, Donkey Kong and Super Mario Brothers.
  • Microsoft was preparing to release Windows 1.0 in November.
  • Jerry Rice, a rookie receiver for the San Francisco 49ers, had one career touchdown catch. He now holds the N.F.L. record with 197.
  • Cost of gallon of Gas $1.20

 VIDEO OF THE WEEK

I’ve never seen this before and while were on the subject of diarrhea

MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)

If there is something I really need to improve on it’s definitely this.   I’m pretty horrible at this so far.  I got steamrolled last week again.  I’ve only had 1 win in 6 tries.    I actually had many names that fantasy pundits were touting so I thought I was in good shape.

QB T Romo $8000

RB M Lynch $8800

RB L Miller $7200

WR D Jackson $8000

WR M Sanu $7200

WR J Jones $5500

TE J Reed $5400

K S Suisham $4700

D Browns $5200

SURVIVOR POOL PICK OF THE WEEK

Unbelievably survived another week when it wasn’t looking great and there was a big drop this past week.  There was 109 people left going into this week and that has been cut by more than half.  By my rough count it’s now down to 53.  I was shocked to see that 40 people had Seattle.  Now Seattle is pretty good at home but Dallas was 4-1 and playing some pretty decent football.   That just seemed to be a really high number but I’ll sure take it.  This shit is getting real but just like the regular games I’m having a hard time with this.   As I’m writing this I’m still trying to decide.   Just to review, I have picked the following:  Philly, Denver, NE, Indy, NO & San Diego so obviously they are all out.   I’ve thought about a lot of teams.  I’ve thought about Dallas but see the section above.  I’ve thought about Cleveland but there is just no way I can go out with Cleveland.  I’ve thought about Green Bay but Carolina just hung around with Cincy.   I think that Baltimore or Seattle are my only real options.   This is where strategy is starting to get to me because Seattle has a juicy matchups @ home vs Oakland in Week 9.  But can I make it that far is the question.   I think I have to go with Baltimore on their strength at home and the Falcons being terrible on the road.   Let’s go Ravens!!

HAL’S WEEK 7 PICKS

NFL WEEK 7  Linesjpg_Page1WEEK 6 GAMES PLOW HORSE REVIEW

NFL WEEK 6 Lines REVIEWjpg_Page1LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 6 Results 9-5

YTD Results 44-46

Week 6 Best Bets 2-1

Best Bets YTD 12-6

Parlays YTD 1-0

Teasers YTD 1-0

Quote of the Week

This week’s:

–I hate when people say that minorities are scary.  White people are the scariest.  You say the wrong thing to the wrong white guy, you end up ducted taped in a basement.   You never turn on CNN and hear “there were 8 dismembered bodies found in the basement of one Tyrone Jackson.”

Seriously, I’ve seen the Saw movies.  Jigsaw wasn’t hispanic.

–comedian Tim (no last name)

 

“Some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and everywhere such as.”  Hahahahahahahahaha that video is fucking awesome.   I also love how AC Slater is the fucking host of a teen USA pageant.   There was a Saved by the Bell where Zack enters Screech in a Miss Bayside pageant because of a bet with Slater.  This in turn makes Slater enter the pageant because he thinks if a man should win it should be him.  Well that plan backfires because Zack gets the whole school to think Slater gave Screech a black eye.   Slater should know he shouldn’t mess with Zack when it comes to a bet.   For those of you who haven’t seen that episode, Screech ends up winning in a waltz against Kelly, Lisa and Jessie (of course).

Sorry for that brief tangent.  I must try to incorporate Saved by Bell more in ParlaysandTeasers.  Anyway, this might be a truncated version as I’m burning day light here so wanted to incorporate some comedy.   Lastly, before I get to the games and reviews,  I am thinking about making some ParlaysandTeasers Tshirts or hats or some type of swag.  But I would love a tag line to go along with it, like ParlaysandTeasers.com (insert tag line here).  Maybe a reader can help me with this.

I titled this week’s edition (which is the 27th edition, by the way) as it was appropriate as how I felt throughout last weeks games.  It wasn’t looking good for while but was able to squeak out a 2-1 Best Bets week.  All things considered it was actually ended up being a nice week but it just didn’t have that feel as the last few.  But I will take 2-1’s all day long.  I also went 10-5 in the all pick section.  Let’s go look at some maps to try to find South Africa.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

Not really much to say here.   However, some real nice matchups this week.  Taking a look at this weeks games, there are a ton of tight spreads.   Should be an exciting week.

WEEKLY RANT

Again, we’ll have to keep this brief but if you haven’t tuned in yet, check out “Finding Giants” on NFL Network.  I think it’s pretty interesting even if it wasn’t based on the NY Football Giants.  If you haven’t seen it yet it basically follows the college scouts across the country.   I never really knew how intense the travel schedule was for these guys.  Fucking driving thousands of miles in an Altima to University of North Dakota takes a special breed.   Really interesting TV, way better than Hard knocks in my opinion.

I’m not much a college football fan and only tune in from time to time but watching the top 10 get decimated was pretty cool because I’m really looking forward to those teams who are at 5 or 6 spots bitch and complain about not getting in the playoff.  The playoff is a great step forward but there is no way it is going to appease everyone.  In fact, there will probably more outrage now because you’ll have many 1 loss teams wanting to get in, especially now since basically everyone will have at least 1 loss.

I’m fucking addicted to Candy Crush and I don’t even know how it happened.  I’m too cheap to pay for the game so when I run out of lives it says you have to wait so many minutes to start getting lives again.  I think that what it is.  If I can’t get by a level then I get so pissed that I must find a way to beat it.  Fuck you King Media I’m coming for you.  Don’t worry though you will never get one of those Candy Crush invites on Facebook from me.  Speaking of Facebook, I was on it the other day and I ended getting so confused.  I was scrolling through the News Feed thingy and  realized that I had no idea who these people were.  I noticed that on 3 posts in a row were from people I have never said 2 words to in my life.  Why the fuck am I reading this shit?  One post was from a kid’s brother in high school who I literally have met formally.  The next was from a kid in my neighborhood and he was on the same bus stop as me.  We never spoke at the bus stop nor ever in school and the last one I just have no fucking idea who the guy was.  I had to sit there and just wonder #1 why we are friends on Facebook and #2 why do I even bother reading the garbage.  I use to say to myself it’s a good way to stay in contact with people.  Then I realized that the people that know me all have my cell phone number or email or have the means to get it.  Facebook was great when it first came out because you could stalk broads from your past or new ones you might meet.  Now with all the privacy stuff that’s gone by the wayside.

Lastly, my worries of Unsolved Mysteries becoming repeats were unfounded.  I think they might just replay some on the weekends because the last 2 weeks have been nothing but murders and lost loves for Hal.

 VIDEO OF THE WEEK

I found this one while I was searching for the Miss South Carolina above.   Which one do you think is worse?  In my opinion, the South Carolina is far worse for 2 reasons.  #1 It seems like Utah just had a brain fart and couldn’t articulate what she was trying to say while South Carolina is probably partially retarded.    #2 Utah is way more of a wouldn’t that South Carolina and that friends is not up for debate.

MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)

This is where I really let myself down last week.   I hit on a few like Eli, Murray and Lions D but the rest of my execution was garbage.   I got beat pretty handily.   Here’s looking at you Sankey.  I tried to get too cute last week.  Here’s my winning team this week.  Again, playing head to head vs come cunt in cyberspace.

QB E Manning $7200 (he’s actually worth less this week.  Makes no sense)

RB M Lynch $9200

RB B Oliver $6200

WR A Brown  $8900

WR E Sanders $8000

WR R Randle $5900 (I might switch him out but there are not many receivers at this price point)

TE T Wright $5200

K R Gould $4600

D Packers $4800

SURVIVOR POOL PICK OF THE WEEK

This is the second time this year where I had come to grips that I was being eliminated only to get saved at the end of the day.  Saints barely pulled it out last week.  This week’s pick took me about 3 seconds.  It’s the only one on the board for me.  A whale’s vagina.   As much as I hate picking the Chargers in anything, they are playing Oakland.  I mean come on.  The only loser last week in my pool was Detroit where maybe a dozen or so had.   I’m not sure of total left as I haven’t received the email but it’s around 100.

HAL’S WEEK 6 PICKS (Hal’s not picking any over/unders, just straight games baby)

NFL WEEK 6 Linesjpg_Page1WEEK 5 GAMES PRETTY SOLID REVIEW

NFL WEEK 5 Lines resultsjpg_Page1LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 4 Results 10-5

YTD Results 35-41

Week 4 Best Bets 2-1

Best Bets YTD 10-5

Parlays YTD 1-0

Teasers YTD 1-0

Quote of the Week

This week’s from one of the best

“There’s a critical point, where you’ve stayed single too long, that your brain switches from “No don’t say that” to “Eh, fuck it.  Say it.  See what happens.”

–Bill Burr

People of the internet.  Behold at another week of perfection in Hal Verl’s sweet world of best bets.  We are now 6-0 in the last 2 weeks and 8-1 the last 3 weeks.   Just an incredible turnaround from the first week debacle.   Week 4 was just an all around great week.  We also won the teaser that we threw out there, the head to head fan duel and made it through another week in survivor.  We even ticked up the performance in the picks of every game with an 8-5 week.   As long as we keep hitting the best bets is all that matters because those are the only games that I actually play so I’ve had a nice last 2 weeks in the 5 Dimes account.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

It is truly amazing how quickly fortunes can turn around in the NFL.  It’s the only sport out there where just a few weeks can drastically change the view or feeling of a franchise.  I think the fall of the NFC East was greatly overstated with a large consensus thinking it would be the worst division in football.  Both the Cowboys and Giants are looking to be resurgent.   The Jets, Falcons, Saints Steelers, New England, Buffalo, Carolina all suffered very tough losses and look to have their season’s teetering in the wind.   I’m sure in the next couple of weeks the league will be flipped upside down all over again on this roller coaster regular season that is filled with a bunch of teams that are millimeters from good or being bad.   It’s nice to focus on the stuff solely on the field again.

 WEEKLY RANT

I think it’s absolute bullshit that former referee Mike Carey who famously told the NFL he would not referee games in Washington because he thought the name was disrespectful.  However, he doesn’t mind collecting a paycheck on Thursday night football and can comment on the calls on the field during the game.  That’s so hypocritical and I heard no one call this guy out.    If he thought the word Redskins was so bad he could have told CBS, I can’t broadcast this game.   Mike Carey, you sir are a cunt.

Has anyone seen the Icky Woods Geico commercial?  I don’t know why but I think it’s fucking hysterical.   As he’s dancing he’s saying “Get some cold cuts, get some cold cuts”  That TD dance I think is one of, if not the best, of all time.

I was watching HBO Real Sports the other night which I think is a pretty solid show.  They did a story on Fan Duel and the other one day fantasy sites.   They are growing like crazy and the reason they exist is because they fall under a loop hole where it’s not considered a game of chance.   This rule came into play way back when people were basically play old style Rotisserie sports.  Sports betting is considered a game of change and that’s why it’s basically illegal in most states.  There are some advocates out there to try to get these sites shut down and have them considered gambling sites.   I would cry if that happened.  I really like this so much more than traditional fantasy.   They profiled a few guys who makes hundred of thousands a year playing Fan Duel.    One of the guys had this crazy algorithm system, similar to a stock trading algorithm.   It was pretty fascinating.  If you have a bid enough bank roll and can win 55-60% of the games you enter you can win a ton of money.  You can also do it all year around playing all sports.  I’ve noticed that most guys I play are playing in dozens or hundreds of games at a time.

I’m on the TV kick now so I ask the question?  Has anyone ever seen an episode of the Big Bang Theory?  I ask because I have only seen maybe 2 minutes of one and it appears to be terrible.  I’m just wondering why it’s still on TV and why the actors just singed huge deals.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

OK, I’m ready to skate through a fucking brick wall and kill communists.

MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)

I love the head to head matchups on fan duel.  It’s so fucking awesome.  I ended up winning last week on a late Dez Bryant touchdown after my opponent had taken a late lead on a Jimmy Graham touchdown just minutes earlier.   We scored over 120 points and that was after Falcons D getting -4 points.   It was nice to get on the winning side and I will only be playing head to heads from here on out I think.  My team did well and I probably would have done well in a 5 or 10 team game.    This is what I have so far but I have a feeling I’ll be changing this up a touch before Sunday.

QB E Manning $7300

RB D Murray  $9000

RB B Sankey  $5900  (Love this play this week, great value at $5900)

WR V Cruz $7000

WR J Edelman $7400

WR B Cooks  $6200

TE M Bennett  $7300

K S Suisham $4800

D Lions  $4800

SURVIVOR POOL PICK OF THE WEEK

There was 331 entries in the pool I’m in which is a $8275 prize pool.    Pittsburgh losing last week knocked a bunch of people out and I think about another 50 people got bounced so were getting down to close to only a little over 100 people left.     This week is super interesting and I think the picks will be all over the map.   I thought that Pitt was going to be a slam dunk pick this week but honestly they look awful and they are away.  I think they will win but I think it’s going to be close.  Too close for comfort for me.   I’m not happy about this pick as they haven’t looked great including getting smoked last week.  However, I think the pick this week is New Orleans.  Their home record is pretty incredible and I think they come out and blow the doors off Tampa.   They are the biggest favorite at a 10.5 spread.   This is probably the only time you are going to have to opportunity to pick them.  They don’t play TB again til the last week of the season and their schedule is formidable the rest of the way.      So lets roll with the Saints in week 5.

HAL’S WEEK 5 PICKS

NFL WEEK 5 Linesjpg_Page1I absolutely hate taking the Giants in general but making them a best bet is a step I never thought I would take.   My reasoning is pretty simple and it has nothing to do with being a fan.  The Falcons have had to replace 4/5 of their offensive line.  They had a tight end playing right tackle last week because they lost some many players to injurt.  Their offense goes by getting the ball down the field to Jones and White.  I just don’t see how their offense is going to function with a line in that much disarray.   They also suck on the road and their defense is ranked 31st.  Washington also has just far too many injured players to complete with Seattle.   Lastly, I’ve been on the Dallas overs all year so I’m not changing it now.

WEEK 4 GAMES GETTING BETTER REVIEW

NFL WEEK 4 Lines donejpg_Page1LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 4 Results 8-5

YTD Results 25-36

Week 4 Best Bets 3-0

Best Bets YTD 8-4

Parlays YTD 1-0

Teasers YTD 1-0

Quote of the Week

I’m not really sure if I can top last week’s voicemail but here is a strong effort.  This week’s:

“I spent 90% of my money on woman and drink.  The rest I wasted.”

–George Best