Week 8: Every damn night? On the telephone?

This is the time of year that we are in where you gotta suck it up and puke all over the field if necessary.   Puking is just the worst feeling in the world.  I couldn’t imagine throwing up and then having to cover on a TE on a go route.  Lawrence Timmons gained some respect in my book.   Well, Another 2-1 week on the best bets and 9-5 total ATS.  I’m starting to sound like a broken record here.  Honestly, I thought we were heading for a 3-0 week as I was peeking in on the Monday night game and it was looking good.  But then the football gods decided to intervene and decided it was time for Pitt to score 3 times in a minute right before halftime.   I’m convinced it was the right pick but that shit happens sometimes.  However,  we cracked the .500  mark on all games for the season recovering from a terrible first couple of weeks.    We currently stand at 66% winning percentage on the best bets.  By industry standards that’s fucking great.    Also, bonus Parlay down below!

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

I was talking to my Uncle about this last weekend regarding Peyton Manning’s TD record.  We were discussing if it’s a record that might be unbreakable.  At first glance I thought the record will be broken because they pass so much in the league now and you basically can’t touch anyone on defense without flags.   For argument sake,  let’s say Manning only plays this year and retires (even though from what it looks like, he doesn’t look like a guy looking to retire.)  and he finishes with 25 more TD’s.  That would give him 44 for the year and will give him 535 for his career.  Let’s look at the candidates:

The closest who are active consist of Brees and Brady.  Brees, who is 35, has 374 and Brady, who is 37 has 372.    To catch him, they would each have to throw about 40 TD’s for the next 4 years.  Possible?  Yes.  Plausible?  Probably not.   To put that in further context, Peyton has only thrown more than 40 TD in a season twice in his entire career (55 in 2013 and 49 in 2004.) Both of these guys are clearly not in their prime any longer so for them to average 40 TD over the next 4 years is not realistic.   So I don’t think they will get there.   If they make it, it won’t be on their current teams.  Maybe they can pull a Joe Montana/Peyton Manning and go to another team and play at a decent level for a few extra years.  Either way chances are very slim.   If Manning plays beyond this year, I think you can put their chances at zero.

The next group consists of (age, career TD’s)  Eli (33, 243), Rivers (33, 238), Roethlisberger (32, 229) , Romo (34,222),  Palmer (35, 219) , & Rodgers (31, 206).   Of this group, no one really has a chance except for a very outside chance of Rodgers.  His problem was his starting career started too late as he waited for Favre to move on.  He would have to have a few monster years and quickly.  I’m talking back to back 50 TD years to have a real shot.    A few of these guys will get into the top 10 which right now stands at Vinnie Testaverde at 275.    I think Eli will be the highest out of this group when all is said and done not because of talent but because of durability.

When you start going down the list you quickly realize that the person who eventually breaks this record is probably not in the league right now.   I would think the only 2 guys who even have a remote shot and it’s only because of their ages are Stafford (26, 118) and Luck (25, 65).   If they both average 30 TD for the next 14 years that would put Stafford at 538, age 40 and Luck at 485, age 39.   See what I mean, that is more than likely not happening.

I think the only way this record comes down is a kid who comes out of college early, is a pure pocket passer, starts averaging 30+ TD’s right away and drafted by a team that can be good for a decade.   If that is the case we are looking at a bunch of years for that to come to fruition.   Pretty amazing when you think about it.

WEEKLY RANT

I tried to get into the World Series and I just can’t.   It seems like there is a ton of passion and I’m happy to see Kansas City get some hype for baseball.   When there is almost a bench clearing brawl then I start to tune out.  That shit is for July day games vs the Diamondbacks.   The world series should be the best baseball you see all year, not chump shit.  Last night, a Giants reliever gets his fastball deposited into the seats by Omar Infante and starts talking shit.  Now that hockey has started I’m much more into that.  I’m trying to decide to purchase the NHL package.   Ive been into it during the free preview month but that ends soon.   I’m trying to decide if I can watch it enough to justify the cost.  I think it’s about $150 for the season, which isn’t terrible.  However, with a 9 month old who doesn’t like to sleep or stay in one place it’s impossible to watch a game from beginning to end.  I’ve been watching what I can and then I’ll finish it during work the next day.   By that time though, I already know the score and everything so it makes it kinda gay watching it but I just like watching hockey.

I really wish they would redesign the NFL divisions to make them more geographically correct.  I would do the following if I was commissioner.

NFC East

Pats, Giants, Jets, Philly (The 2 NY teams should play each other every year and NY should be playing Boston in all sports)

AFC East

Bills, Pitt, Wash, Ravens (The 2 Baltimore teams need to play, adding Pitt matches them well)

NFC Norris

Bears, Pack, Lions, Vikes (The only division that gets it right)

AFC Norris

Chefs, Rams, Colts, Browns

NFC South

Saints, Jags, Bucs, Dolphins

AFC South

Bengals, Titans, Falcons, Panthers

NFC West

49ers, Raiders, Chargers, Seattle (the 2 bay area teams need to play.  actually that might not be a great idea.  I would think 50 people would get stabbed or get paralyzed by the lunatics there)

AFC West

Broncos, Cowboys, Cards, Texans

You play your division twice.  You get 4 games to play vs your old rivals and then 4 games to play an alternative division each year.   This way you don’t lose those old rivalries.   IF those games happen to cross over then you play off the old system of previous season standing.   I think that would be so great.

 

 VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Since last week we did diareah then the most logical way to go is to stick with the puking.  Just skip to just after the 2 min mark.

 

MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)

Another loss and my FanDuel account is slowly dwindling down.  You know your probably in trouble when you’re kicker is one of your top scorers.  I’m gonna try to keep at it and go with a strategy of getting come high priced talent to see how it goes.

 

QB A Rodgers $10000

RB J Forsett $6700

RB J Mckinnon $5800

WR R Cobb $8400

WR D Thomas $9400

WR B Lafell $5300

TE J Reed $5200

K S Suisham $4700

D Jets $4500

SURVIVOR POOL PICK OF THE WEEK

The Ravens last week was a no sweat type game which was a nice change from the previous nail biters.  Shit is starting to get real now as there are only 37 entries left.  Seattle and Cleveland eliminated another 13 people last week.     This pick came down to Miami or Dallas for me.   Dallas is the pick as if Colt McCoy gets the start then that’s just too juicy to pass up.   It pains me to say this and you will never hear me say it unless there is a large sum of money involved but Lets Go Cowboys!

HAL’S WEEK 8 PICKS

There are a bunch of home dogs and away favorites.  I might be a sucker for some of these lines and hopefully I don’t get trapped.

NFL WEEK 8 linesjpg_Page1***Bonus Parlay this week:  2 Team Parlay (Green Bay & Houston).   How is GB getting points, makes no sense so I’m sure it’s a trap but I’m just going on pure eye test.  I know that the Saints are better at home but ah come on.   I actually thought Houston looked good early last week and just had some bad luck.  They are about to face Zach Mettenberger and his first career start.  I’m pretty sure Tennessee is mandated by the league that they are not allowed to ever have a good quarterback.  

WEEK 7 GAMES PLOW HORSE REVIEW

NFL WEEK 7  Linesajpg_Page1LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 7 Results 9-5

YTD Results 53-51

Week 7 Best Bets 2-1

Best Bets YTD 14-7

Parlays YTD 1-0

Teasers YTD 1-0

Quote of the Week

This week’s:

This girl came up to me at a gas station and told me she ran out of gas and asked her to give her 5 dollars.   I told her I would give her 10 but she had to trade me for a hug.   When she hugged me I whispered, “You’re a whore now.”  I like helping people

–unknown comedian

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