I interrupt everyone getting Ebola for the latest edition of Parlays and Teasers. I’m just a fucking plow horse. If you need shit plowed you call me. You need your street plowed when it snows, you call me. You need a field of corn plowed during harvesting season. You call me. You need someone to plow horse through these NFL lines, you read Parlays and Teasers. I’m just plow horsing these NFL lines week after week now. Another 2-1 best bets in week 7 and a solid 9-5 overall ATS. We’re at 66% winners on the Best Bets for the season. That’s far better than I ever could have imagined especially after a 0-3 start. If you strip out that first week then the winning percentage goes to 80% for Weeks 2-6. That’s pretty fucking dope. That’s the good news. Here’s the bad news. I hate this week, absolutely hate it. I have no conviction whatsoever. Full disclosure, I don’t think I’m going wager anything for myself this week as I just have no confidence. The range of the lines are so compact. The smallest line is 3 but the largest line is 7. So basically Vegas is saying every game will be decided by a TD or less but more than a field goal. Fuck you. I’m having a hard time picking 3 best bets but I’m not one to back down for a challenge so let’s see if we can continue our momentum this week. Back to the video above, what the fuck is that but damn that tune is catchy.
QUICK LEAGUE NOTES
Some fat white coach (probably Bill Parcells or Andy Reid) once said “You’re never as good as it looks and never as bad as it looks”. It’s amazing the week to week swings some of these teams go through. One week they look like they can make a run and the next they look awful. It’s truly amazing.
I’ve been having a hard time getting the blog up before the Thursday night games. But honestly, they all have been so terrible (with the exception of last night finally) I figured why bother rushing just to get it in before a terrible game. I’m glad I haven’t the last few weeks as I probably would have been wrong. But they really need to figure something out with those games because for the most part they have been unwatchable.
The biggest problem with gambling, fantasy, and being just a plain fan is that worlds collide so often it gets so hard for everything to align. In fact, it rarely or never happens. Case in point, last week when I found out that 40 people in Survivor had picked the Seahawks your immediately thought would normally “Come on Dallas”. But being a fan of the New York Football Giants I hate Dallas. Plus they were 4-1 and if they lost and Giants beat Philly (as we know none came close to happening) then there would be a logjam at the top of the NFC East. But then you think the Survivor pool is like 9 grand so fuck it come on Dallas. But does that make someone a bad fan cheering for a rival team. I say no because it’s purely for betting purposes. I also wasn’t openly cheering out loud. If Seattle won then fine but I’m glad they lost because I’m halfway closer to the money. I feel as long as you are not clearly cheering against your own team then it’s fine.
The last time the Kansas City Royals were in the World Series was 1985, 29 Years ago. I was 7 years old, what a joke. I thought it would be funny to see what was happening back then
- Only six states had laws that required wearing seatbelts.
- 20 states had not yet raised their minimum drinking age to 21.
- You could still smoke on airplanes, but Aspen, Colo., had just begun enforcing a law banning smoking in restaurants, becoming the first American city to do so.
- “Back to the Future” ruled the box office that year, but for a few weeks in October, the No. 1 movie was “Commando,” in which Alyssa Milano, in her first major movie role, played the kidnapped daughter of Arnold Schwarzenegger. (Side Note: Commando was a tits movie)
- Billboard No. 1 songs in October were “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straits, “Oh Sheila” by Ready for the World, “Take on Me” by A-ha and “Saving All My Love for You” by Whitney Houston.
- Nintendo was test-marketing its first home video game consoles in New York, featuring games like Duck Hunt, Donkey Kong and Super Mario Brothers.
- Microsoft was preparing to release Windows 1.0 in November.
- Jerry Rice, a rookie receiver for the San Francisco 49ers, had one career touchdown catch. He now holds the N.F.L. record with 197.
- Cost of gallon of Gas $1.20
VIDEO OF THE WEEK
I’ve never seen this before and while were on the subject of diarrhea
MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)
If there is something I really need to improve on it’s definitely this. I’m pretty horrible at this so far. I got steamrolled last week again. I’ve only had 1 win in 6 tries. I actually had many names that fantasy pundits were touting so I thought I was in good shape.
QB T Romo $8000
RB M Lynch $8800
RB L Miller $7200
WR D Jackson $8000
WR M Sanu $7200
WR J Jones $5500
TE J Reed $5400
K S Suisham $4700
D Browns $5200
SURVIVOR POOL PICK OF THE WEEK
Unbelievably survived another week when it wasn’t looking great and there was a big drop this past week. There was 109 people left going into this week and that has been cut by more than half. By my rough count it’s now down to 53. I was shocked to see that 40 people had Seattle. Now Seattle is pretty good at home but Dallas was 4-1 and playing some pretty decent football. That just seemed to be a really high number but I’ll sure take it. This shit is getting real but just like the regular games I’m having a hard time with this. As I’m writing this I’m still trying to decide. Just to review, I have picked the following: Philly, Denver, NE, Indy, NO & San Diego so obviously they are all out. I’ve thought about a lot of teams. I’ve thought about Dallas but see the section above. I’ve thought about Cleveland but there is just no way I can go out with Cleveland. I’ve thought about Green Bay but Carolina just hung around with Cincy. I think that Baltimore or Seattle are my only real options. This is where strategy is starting to get to me because Seattle has a juicy matchups @ home vs Oakland in Week 9. But can I make it that far is the question. I think I have to go with Baltimore on their strength at home and the Falcons being terrible on the road. Let’s go Ravens!!
HAL’S WEEK 7 PICKS
Week 6 Results 9-5
YTD Results 44-46
Week 6 Best Bets 2-1
Best Bets YTD 12-6
Parlays YTD 1-0
Teasers YTD 1-0
Quote of the Week
–I hate when people say that minorities are scary. White people are the scariest. You say the wrong thing to the wrong white guy, you end up ducted taped in a basement. You never turn on CNN and hear “there were 8 dismembered bodies found in the basement of one Tyrone Jackson.”
Seriously, I’ve seen the Saw movies. Jigsaw wasn’t hispanic.
–comedian Tim (no last name)