Week 6: They all won’t be pageant winners

“Some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and everywhere such as.”  Hahahahahahahahaha that video is fucking awesome.   I also love how AC Slater is the fucking host of a teen USA pageant.   There was a Saved by the Bell where Zack enters Screech in a Miss Bayside pageant because of a bet with Slater.  This in turn makes Slater enter the pageant because he thinks if a man should win it should be him.  Well that plan backfires because Zack gets the whole school to think Slater gave Screech a black eye.   Slater should know he shouldn’t mess with Zack when it comes to a bet.   For those of you who haven’t seen that episode, Screech ends up winning in a waltz against Kelly, Lisa and Jessie (of course).

Sorry for that brief tangent.  I must try to incorporate Saved by Bell more in ParlaysandTeasers.  Anyway, this might be a truncated version as I’m burning day light here so wanted to incorporate some comedy.   Lastly, before I get to the games and reviews,  I am thinking about making some ParlaysandTeasers Tshirts or hats or some type of swag.  But I would love a tag line to go along with it, like ParlaysandTeasers.com (insert tag line here).  Maybe a reader can help me with this.

I titled this week’s edition (which is the 27th edition, by the way) as it was appropriate as how I felt throughout last weeks games.  It wasn’t looking good for while but was able to squeak out a 2-1 Best Bets week.  All things considered it was actually ended up being a nice week but it just didn’t have that feel as the last few.  But I will take 2-1’s all day long.  I also went 10-5 in the all pick section.  Let’s go look at some maps to try to find South Africa.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

Not really much to say here.   However, some real nice matchups this week.  Taking a look at this weeks games, there are a ton of tight spreads.   Should be an exciting week.

WEEKLY RANT

Again, we’ll have to keep this brief but if you haven’t tuned in yet, check out “Finding Giants” on NFL Network.  I think it’s pretty interesting even if it wasn’t based on the NY Football Giants.  If you haven’t seen it yet it basically follows the college scouts across the country.   I never really knew how intense the travel schedule was for these guys.  Fucking driving thousands of miles in an Altima to University of North Dakota takes a special breed.   Really interesting TV, way better than Hard knocks in my opinion.

I’m not much a college football fan and only tune in from time to time but watching the top 10 get decimated was pretty cool because I’m really looking forward to those teams who are at 5 or 6 spots bitch and complain about not getting in the playoff.  The playoff is a great step forward but there is no way it is going to appease everyone.  In fact, there will probably more outrage now because you’ll have many 1 loss teams wanting to get in, especially now since basically everyone will have at least 1 loss.

I’m fucking addicted to Candy Crush and I don’t even know how it happened.  I’m too cheap to pay for the game so when I run out of lives it says you have to wait so many minutes to start getting lives again.  I think that what it is.  If I can’t get by a level then I get so pissed that I must find a way to beat it.  Fuck you King Media I’m coming for you.  Don’t worry though you will never get one of those Candy Crush invites on Facebook from me.  Speaking of Facebook, I was on it the other day and I ended getting so confused.  I was scrolling through the News Feed thingy and  realized that I had no idea who these people were.  I noticed that on 3 posts in a row were from people I have never said 2 words to in my life.  Why the fuck am I reading this shit?  One post was from a kid’s brother in high school who I literally have met formally.  The next was from a kid in my neighborhood and he was on the same bus stop as me.  We never spoke at the bus stop nor ever in school and the last one I just have no fucking idea who the guy was.  I had to sit there and just wonder #1 why we are friends on Facebook and #2 why do I even bother reading the garbage.  I use to say to myself it’s a good way to stay in contact with people.  Then I realized that the people that know me all have my cell phone number or email or have the means to get it.  Facebook was great when it first came out because you could stalk broads from your past or new ones you might meet.  Now with all the privacy stuff that’s gone by the wayside.

Lastly, my worries of Unsolved Mysteries becoming repeats were unfounded.  I think they might just replay some on the weekends because the last 2 weeks have been nothing but murders and lost loves for Hal.

 VIDEO OF THE WEEK

I found this one while I was searching for the Miss South Carolina above.   Which one do you think is worse?  In my opinion, the South Carolina is far worse for 2 reasons.  #1 It seems like Utah just had a brain fart and couldn’t articulate what she was trying to say while South Carolina is probably partially retarded.    #2 Utah is way more of a wouldn’t that South Carolina and that friends is not up for debate.

MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)

This is where I really let myself down last week.   I hit on a few like Eli, Murray and Lions D but the rest of my execution was garbage.   I got beat pretty handily.   Here’s looking at you Sankey.  I tried to get too cute last week.  Here’s my winning team this week.  Again, playing head to head vs come cunt in cyberspace.

QB E Manning $7200 (he’s actually worth less this week.  Makes no sense)

RB M Lynch $9200

RB B Oliver $6200

WR A Brown  $8900

WR E Sanders $8000

WR R Randle $5900 (I might switch him out but there are not many receivers at this price point)

TE T Wright $5200

K R Gould $4600

D Packers $4800

SURVIVOR POOL PICK OF THE WEEK

This is the second time this year where I had come to grips that I was being eliminated only to get saved at the end of the day.  Saints barely pulled it out last week.  This week’s pick took me about 3 seconds.  It’s the only one on the board for me.  A whale’s vagina.   As much as I hate picking the Chargers in anything, they are playing Oakland.  I mean come on.  The only loser last week in my pool was Detroit where maybe a dozen or so had.   I’m not sure of total left as I haven’t received the email but it’s around 100.

HAL’S WEEK 6 PICKS (Hal’s not picking any over/unders, just straight games baby)

NFL WEEK 6 Linesjpg_Page1WEEK 5 GAMES PRETTY SOLID REVIEW

NFL WEEK 5 Lines resultsjpg_Page1LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 4 Results 10-5

YTD Results 35-41

Week 4 Best Bets 2-1

Best Bets YTD 10-5

Parlays YTD 1-0

Teasers YTD 1-0

Quote of the Week

This week’s from one of the best

“There’s a critical point, where you’ve stayed single too long, that your brain switches from “No don’t say that” to “Eh, fuck it.  Say it.  See what happens.”

–Bill Burr

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2 comments
  1. Jack said:

    do you want to go for a weekend getaway on my boat?

    • As long as Marc portier is going than it should seem like a good idea

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