Week 3: The Password is………..Cunt

(Kinda lame but the Keyshawn and Strahan ones are pretty awesome)

Another shit week in Hal Verl’s land of picks.  Just a flat out ass whipping the lines makers gave me.  However, 2-1 in the Best bets is at least a step in the right direction and I will unveil my first parlay of the year below to spice things up in Week 3.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

Man oh man oh man….it’s just getting worse by the day for the league with these guys.  If the teams and league just came out immediately and disciplined these guys as soon as these events took place then there would be no outcry.  It’s pretty unreal how all of this is going down.  If I’m the NFL I start airing things on their own network that shows the other hundreds of guys who have great stories or are positive role models to try to get some positive stuff out there.  There’s only so much child abusing, wife beating news fans can take.  It’s gotten to the point where its just exhausting.  I don’t want to see pictures of kids whip marks.   I think it’s pretty safe to say that you won’t see AP or Greg Hardy joining Ray Rice on the sidelines for the rest of the year.

Minus all the parties involved in the various stories, the biggest idiot I have heard has to be Reggie Bush.  In case you missed it, he was interviewed on WFAN yesterday and basically said that he would consider using a switch on his kid depending on what the kid did.  Are you fucking retarded?  Even if you were thinking about disciplining your kid that way, why in the world would you tell the nation that?   I guess that USC education isn’t all that great after all.   What a fucking douche!

As far as the games on the field, there are 8 games that the spread is a field goal or less.  That’s pretty amazing and since no one in the media is interested talking about the games then I will.  The fucking penalties have gone from stupid to absurd.  They really can’t call any actual penalties because a flag for illegal contact is being thrown every play.   I remember when they use to call holding on the offensive line.  This has gone by the wayside.   Now they only call it unless it’s blatantly obvious.    I really thought that once the regular season started it would calm down but it seems to have gotten worse.  I had a great idea while watching last weeks games during a 15 minute stretch where I saw no less than 15 flags thrown while channel surfing.  About half of them I’m still trying to figure out what the ref saw.    Here’s my idea, the receiver and the DB have to hold each other’s cocks while running down the field.  You have to make a one handed catch while holding the other player’s dingy.   If you take your other hand off his schlong to attempt to make a catch then it’s a flag.  This goes for both offensive and defensive players.  However, if you pull you hand off to rub the other players balls then the flag is picked up.  The game is getting to the point where it’s being this gay.

Lastly, I saw a stat during the Ravens game that said Billy Cundiff was 63 of 63 in FG from inside 30 yards.  Now that’s not a tough kick but you would have thought a bad snap or a slip here and there would cause you to miss maybe 1.  That’s probably proof they really need to do something with the field goals to make them more difficult because these guys make 50+ yarders with regularity.  I remember when a 50 yarder was a crazy distance to hit.

WEEKLY RANT

The Direct TV world’s most powerful fan commercials are pretty fucking gay.  That’s pretty much it.   I’m sorry I’m really lacking in this department.  My alternative to football called cockball (see above) would probably be considered my weekly rant.

Oh, I watched the Saved By the Bell, unauthorized movie the other day.  It was fucking terrible.  Actually, speaking of TV, I DVR the reruns of Unsolved Mysteries and watch them usually in the mornings as I’m getting my bearings in the morning in my office.  I do this because Unsolved Mysteries is the Tits.  Now, these are the remakes with Dennis Faurina and not the original ones with Robert Stack but they are still awesome.  I’ve been doing this for the last few weeks and there already have been 3 mysteries (all murders) that were based out of Fort Lauderdale.  I’m surprised the whole fucking show isn’t based out of there.  The most recent one I saw was something that happened in the early 2000’s.  A hotel manager in the Lauderdale by the sea had taken over some land that stopped a guy from having direct beach access.    So this guy hires someone to pour oil in the shitty little hotel’s pool and also dumped acid on the guys bushes in an attempt to get this manager fired.  When this didn’t work he hired the same guy to throw the same acid in the manager’s face while coming out of Publix one day.  The guy dies a horrible excruciating death a few days later.   They eventually catch everyone involved but I’m shocked that sometime like this could happen in such a normal place like Fort Liquordale.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

How have I never seen this before?  I’ve been singing this song for about 20 minutes and it keeps getting better.

MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)

Last week I came in 4th of 5 so no winnings and I was only 9 points out of 2nd.  I find that pretty impressive considering I started a child abuser at RB 1 and paid $8800 for him only to be deactivated for the game.  I’ve learned 2 valuable lessons in the process.  #1 Try not to start felons in your lineup.  #2 Never choose a Fan Duel game that starts for the Thursday night games because once the game on Thursday night starts your entire lineup cannot be edited.  From now on I will only be playing in the games that start on Sunday.  This way your lineup can be changed up until the 1 pm games.  You live and you learn I guess.  I also went around and looked at some of the winners in various games and noticed a definite trend.  It’s all about finding the backups or fringe starters who are cheap but can give you some OK points.  This way you can spend on some big players.  That’s what I did this week.  With all the injuries going on I was able to find awesome value at QB & RB and put those resources into the receiving core.  My receivers this week are stacked.   I’m going to try the same league type with the 5 guys to win 5x minus the 10% VIG.   I’m loving this lineup this week though.  I think this is the week I break through.

QB K Cousins $6800

RB K Davis $7000

RB K Robinson $4700

WR J Nelson $8600

WR D Bryant $8600

WR C Johnson $9000

TE L Donnell $4900

K  A Vinatieri $5000

D Patriots $5400

SURVIVOR POOL PICK OF THE WEEK

There was 331 entries in the pool I’m in which is a $8275 prize pool.   It’s now down by about half already just 2 weeks in thanks to NO & SF last week.   I’m taking New England which is again by far the largest favorite on the board @ home vs Oakland.   If you look at New England’s schedule, they really don’t have a game remaining left in their schedule where you would have a ton of confidence in like this week. Especially since the AFC East looks improved as a whole.   This was a no brainer for me.

If you say, “Hal, you’re a douche bag that’s a terrible pick”.  Here’s an alternative pick for you Monday Morning Quarterbacks Cunts:  Bengals (FYI….My alternate pick of the Saints lost last week.  That is why you take the surest thing you can)

HAL’S WEEK 3 PICKS 

NFL WEEK 3 Lines picjpg_Page1

Here comes the first parlay of the season…..I am going to 2 team parlay the overs in the Balt/Cle & Phi/Wash Games.  I also think you can back up the truck on both of those games.   By far I think the 2 best games this year.  

WEEK 2 GAMES SHITTY REVIEW

Cunts…..it really didn’t get any better.  My only solace is going 2-1 in the Best Bets but besides that what a flaming pile of dog shit.  I ain’t stopping though.  This fucking train is going onward and upward.  

NFL WEEK 2 Lines results picjpg_Page1

LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 2 Results 5-11

YTD Results 11-21

Week 2 Best Bets 2-1

Best Bets YTD 2-4

Quote of the Week

This week’s:

“Life is not that complicated.  You get up, you go to work, eat three meals, take one good shit and you go back to bed.  What’s the fucking mystery?”

-George Carlin

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2 comments
  1. Mark Portier said:

    I’ve got shit to do

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