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Monthly Archives: December 2013

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I hope everyone had an enjoyable holiday.  My Christmas was good but a Christmas that falls on a Wednesday is kinda gay.  I didn’t take anytime off from work so having to come back to work after Xmas is always terrible plus it’s going to happen again next week with New Years day.  You don’t get to piggyback that weekend when it falls on a Wednesday or have one of those meaningless Fridays or Mondays .  Anyway, I missed out on posting anything the last few weeks but was hoping to find some time to get one in before the end of the regular season.   I hope to continue everything through the playoffs.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

Speaking of playoffs, there is a bunch of jockeying taking place in this weekend’s games with playoff seeds and berths all on the line.   There are 2 winner take all games with the Cowboys/Eagles and Warehouses/Pack games.   There are quite a few terrible games but all in all it’s a decent last week of the season.  It’s amazing how fast these season go by now.  It feels like it just started.

WEEKLY RANT

A few weeks back I had something to say about Varsity Blues.  This week’s rant is also about one of my favorite movies of yesteryear.  Having a very pregnant wife leads to many hours of tv watching.  Early on one morning, I stumbled upon Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter Is Dead from basically the beginning.  A really great early 90’s movie that I always liked.   At first, my only complaint on this movie was that they really don’t doll up Christina Applegate during her peak years as they should have.  But that is neither here nor there.   As the movie is playing out I noticed a huge flaw in the plot line that I was shocked I never noticed before.  Allow me to explain.   For those of you who have seen this movie you will know what I am talking about.  If you haven’t seen this movie just kill yourself.  I’m not going to get into the whole story line as it’s not necessary but as the movie progress, Sue Ellen Crandell is working as an Executive Administrative Assistant at GAW (General Apparel West) because she needs money for her brothers and sisters because the babysitter died and they disposed of her body that had their summer time money on her.  Since she is a high school student she has no office skills for this position.   The receptionist at GAW is Carolyn and she is very jealous of Sue Ellen because she wanted the executive admin assistant job.   Now just follow me here for a second.   Carolyn’s brother, Bryan, is a Clown Dog worker and also the love interest of Sue Ellen.   At one point Bryan is actually in the office talking to his sister about, Sue Ellen, cause he thinks she seeing another guy.   Sue Ellen then appears walking towards where Carolyn and Bryan are talking.  She stops in her tracks when she sees them and Carolyn says “Can I help you Sue Ellen?”  Sue Ellen then just scampers off.  Bryan lazily turns his head after a few seconds just after Sue Ellen gets out of sight.    This is where I call bullshit on the writers of this movie.    If you are Bryan and you are there complaining to your sister about your girlfriend who’s name is Sue Ellen and one of your sister’s co workers name is Sue Ellen wouldn’t you question that to your sister?  Since it’s such an unusually name would you say, “You work with a Sue Ellen?”  Also wouldn’t you turn your head much faster?  If you knew someone was named Sue Ellen standing right behind you and you are there complaining to your sister about your girlfriend Sue Ellen wouldn’t you immediately swing your head around?  Wouldn’t you think to yourself maybe that’s the same Sue Ellen.  At a minimum, you would have to ask your sister to describe the Sue Ellen that she works with.    Shockingly, none of this ever comes up.   This got me really worked up and I started shouting at the TV, “How can you not ask these questions”  I slowly was able to calm myself down as I realized I was in my boxer shorts at 6:45 am on a Saturday morning shouting at the TV about a movie that was made in 1991 with the title of “Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter Is Dead.”  Needless to say, I laid there in silence for the next 2 hours questioning my existence.  I’m a winner.

YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE WEEK

The quality on this I wish was better but this happened almost 10 years ago this month.  They should give Joe Willie his own reality show.    There are so many great things on here.  His initial kiss move around the 50 second mark.  His scream at the end.  Or his compliments of Chad Pennington.

STAND UP COMEDY CLIP OF THE WEEK

The best and the worst ventriloquist in the business.

LOWLY RANKED FANTASY PLAYER THAT WILL EXCEL THIS WEEK

Matt Cassel @ DET
Ranked as low as #22 QB

I basically feel that since the Lions have been eliminated they will pack it in and play a bad game because they hate their coach who is about to get fired.

22-30 250 YDS 2 TD 0 INT 

WEEK 17 GAMES

Have to be careful this week cause of teams either not playing to win or just not caring especially in the 4pm games where the pictures start to become more clear on who’s in and who’s out or how seedings are going to play out.

BAL @ CIN (-6.5)

Bengals 28 Raven 20, Pick Bengals

WAS @ NYG (-3.5)

Gmen 20 Redskins 17, Pick Skins

HOU @ TEN (-7.5)

Titans 20 Texans 14, Pick Texans

JAC @ IND (-11.5)

Colts 27 Jags 20,  Pick Jags

NYJ @ MIA (-6.5)

Fins 24 Jets 14, Pick Fins

CAR @ ATL (+6.5)

Falcons 21 Panthers 20, Pick Falcons (Here is my shocker pick)

DET @ MIN (-3.5)

Vikes 24 Lions 20, Pick Vikes

CLE @ PIT (-7.5)

Steelers 28 Browns 20, Pick Steelers

STL @ SEA (-10.5)

Seahawks 30 Rams 10, Pick Seahawks

GB @ CHI (-3.5)

Sorry Bears fans, I think they fall short at home

Pack 24 Bears 23, Pick Pack

SF @ ARI (+1.5)

Cards 24 9ers 23, Pick Cards

DEN @ OAK (+12.5)

Broncos 35 Raiders 14, Pick Broncos

BUF @ NE (-9.5)

Pats 28 Bills 20, Pick Bills

TB @ NO (-12.5)

Saints 31 Bucs 20, Pick Bucs

KC @ SD (-9.5)

This one is almost impossible to call as the Chefs are locked into the 5 seed.  I absolutely hate the idea of resting players.  It rarely works.  I also have the Chargers with the biggest passion for some reason. 

Chargers 24 Chefs 17, Pick Chefs

PHI @ DAL (+6.5)

Part of me wants to pick Dallas as I would think the whole world is on Philly just to go the contrarian way but I just can’t. 

Eagles 31 Cowboys 23, Pick Eagles

LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 14 ATS Record 6-9

Season ATS Record 70-73
At first I thought an under .500 record is pretty bad.  But looking at all the so called “experts” on Sportsline, there is only 1 guy out of 8 who is over .500 and he is only 1 game over .500.  It’s been a tough year calling lines.

Week 14 SU Record 11-4

Season SU Record 92-50-1

Family Guy Quote

  If you have sex with her, you give her all the power, and if you don’t have sex with her, you’re gay.   — Glen Quagmire

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varsityAn oh so close to an epic Week 13 but alas after a strong start on Thanksgiving combined with a poor showing for the 1pm games, we finished really strong for the late games to get back to 8-8 ATS for the week.  Keeps us at .500 for the year.  We went a very nice13-3 SU so we were locked in on the winners just came out on the wrong end of every close spread.  It was an acceptable week in my eyes as I felt very unsure about multiple games so we’ll move on to the next week.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

I had a busy week and haven’t had a chance to really look at anything and started very briefly yesterday.  As soon as I looked at the first game I stopped what I was doing.  There was just no way I was going to rush to beat the Jacksonville/Houston game deadline.  However, I wish I did cause I would have bet Jville, as I’ve been on them the last few weeks riding their mini streak.   Looking at last week’s games, in hindsight nothing crazy really happened.  The biggest upset was probably the Vikings beating Da Bears (correctly called by Hal) but even that’s a stretch cause it’s a division game.   Seattle really thumping NO by as much as they did was a little surprising but not earth shattering.  It looks like the teams that need to are taking care of business right now.  I don’t know if it will keep up but it appears that the have’s and have nots are really starting to separate.

WEEKLY RANT

Paul Walker died this past week in a car crash and all I hear is Fast and the Furious this and Fast and the Furious that.  I honestly have never seen more than 5 minutes of any of those movies.  I guess there are like 20 of them or something.  One movie I have seen with him in it is Varsity Blues.  Now that kids is a fucking great movie.  He plays star quarterback Lance Harbor from West Canaan who gets his knee blown out because of a concussed Billy Bob cannot block.  Then Johnathan Moxon comes into save the day albeit reluctantly because he’s looking towards his future out of the small town.   The names in that movie are just the tops.  Besides the aformentioned ones there is hard drinking Charlie Tweeter and Coach Bud Kilmer who makes Tom Coughlin look like a nun.   Darcy Sears, the fame whore she is, tried to seduce ol Mox to no avail.  It was not due to a lack of trying coming out in a whip cream bikini.  Ahhhh, sluts.  That movie just had everything.

I know this is a football blog but Robinson Cano signed with the Mariners today for 240 million for 10 years.   Have fun counting your money in utter solitary because know one will hear from you again playing out there.  I love how fans like me gripe sometimes when players take the money and bolt their homegrown teams.  If an employer offered me even slightly more money I would seriously consider it even if it was in Saskatchewan cause I am a greedy fuck.

YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE WEEK

The “I dont want your life” scene was a no brainer but too predictable.

STAND UP COMEDY CLIP OF THE WEEK

Coffee flavored coffee is great.  This is nine minutes long but you’ll get a few laughs relatively quickly.

HIGHLY RANKED FANTASY PLAYER THAT WILL SHIT THE BED THIS WEEK

I was pretty spot on with Frank Gore last week.  He had 8.9 points while I had predicted 8.2 so thats a definite win for me.  I am going to change it up this week.  I am going to find a very low ranked player to exceed his expecations.  This weeks choice is Ryan Fitzpatrick, ranked as low as #23 QB this week.

I think he’s set up for a decent week because of the situation.  He’s playing @ Denver.  More than likely this probably won’t be a close game so he’ll have the advantage of playing against a prevent type defense and Denver’s d isn’t good to begin with.

Prediction 20-35, 300 YDS, 2 TD’s 1 INT.  (not bad for the 24th ranked QB) 18 points

WEEK 13 GAMES

ATL @ GB (-1.5)

Pack 21 Atl 18 – Pick: Pack

KC @ WAS (+3.5)

Chefs 24 Skins 20 – Pick: Skins

MIA @ PIT (-3.5)

Steelers 20 Miami 14 – Pick: Steelers

MIN @ BAL (-7.5)

Ravens 20 Vikes 17 – Pick: Vikes

CLE @ NE (-11.5)

Pats 30 Browns 17 – Pick: Pats

IND @ CIN (-6.5)

Bengals 30 Colts 21 – Pick: Bengals

DET @ PHI (-2.5)

Eagles 28 Lions 24 – Pick: Eagles

BUF @ TB (-2.5)

Bucs 21 Bills 17 – Pick: Bucs

OAK @ NYJ (-2.5)

Jets 13 Raiders 12 – Pick: Raiders

TEN @ DEN (-12.5)

Broncos 30 Titans 21 – Pick: Titans

SEA @ SF (-2.5)

9ers 28 Hawks 24 – Pick: 9ers (They just need this game way more)

STL @ ARI (-6.5)

Cards 23 Rams 20 – Pick: Rams

NYG @ SD (-3.5)

Gmen 21 Chargers 20 – Pick: Gmen

CAR @ NO (-3.5)

Saints 24 Panthers 20 – Pick: Saints

DAL @ CHI ( -1.5)

Cowboys 23 Warehouses 20 – Pick: Cowboys

LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 13 ATS Record 8-8

Season ATS Record 64-65

Week 13 SU Record 13-3

Season SU Record 81-46-1

Family Guy Quote

You’d better watch who you’re calling a child, Lois. Because if I’m a child, you know what that makes you? A Pedophile. And I’ll be damned if I’m gonna be lectured by a pervert. – Peter Griffin