What a rip roaring ATS week we had. We went an astounding 11-3. Totally Cantbelievable. This accomplished many things. First, it got us over the .500 mark Year to Date which is nice cause now we are in the positive figures. Second, it puts us in solid position to close out the year without having to make risky moves to try to make up ground. The straight up picks didn’t hold up so well going only 7-7 but that’s why we have spreads ladies and gentleman. I was super worried about last week given how many toss up games and again you have to hand it to the lines makers. Many spreads were right on the money and we just ended up on the right side of all of the close ones. Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good but I will take week’s like that every single time.
Quick League notes
There really hasn’t been been much clarity in the Incagnito/Martin scandal. Incagnito spoke with Jay Glazer this past weekend which probably just raised more questions and Martin was supposedly going to send out some sort of taped statement. How gay is that? From what I read Incagnito will probably get a hefty suspension because the NFL doesn’t like problems regardless of facts. Plus he’s really a nobody so when he goes away no one will care. Martin, on the other hand, I think will have a self imposed suspension because nobody is going to sign this guy. It’s pretty small fraternity in the NFL and going outside of that especially for something like this will not be looked upon too fondly. I’m to the point where I just don’t care anymore after a few days of infatuation. It’s sort of starting to watch a new TV show that you really like the first episode of. Then you are all pumped to watch the next one and you say to yourself, “this is fucking stupid” and you turn back on Tosh.O reruns.
Ed Reed got released this week and it appears his time is over. He was a great player though for a really long time. It looks like the Jets are signing him but his tank appears pretty empty and they appear to be trying to catch lighting in a bottle.
Yesterday was November 12, 2013. For those of you who are more numerically inclined that’s also 11/12/13. Sequential date numbers for some reason makes people flock to get married on these days. Look at these fucking lunatics.
(Side note: By the looks of this columnist it appears this is the closest thing she’ll ever get to a wedding. OK that was mean and I should write formally apology to that whore bag.)
Is it me or is this the most ridiculous thing you have ever heard? There is going to be one more of these on 12/13/14 and then that’s it for about 90 years or so. The luster of this for these people will last about 15 seconds after you receive your invitations. Nobody else gives a fuck what actual day your get married on. Everyone just wants food and open bar. I’ve been to many weddings and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t remember the month, date or year of pretty much all of them. If someone asks you when you got married you pretty much never give the exact date. A normal person who say “3 years ago” or “this past summer” or “back in December.” If someone asks what exact date you would tell them but you wouldn’t just offer that up without request. If I asked someone when they got married and they proceeded to say “11/12/13” I would just stop whatever I was doing to walk in the exact opposite direction because I would want nothing more to be as far away from that person as possible. I know this all revolves around broads trying to one up their best friends in every way possible but I think even skirts wouldn’t give you the exact date if asked when they got married. With the exception of 01/01/01, I see know reason why this would be popular. Even if you were lucky enough to be able to get married on 01/01/01, no one would show up because people would be hungover from NYE and they think you are a pompous douche. I love going to weddings and basically playing beat the clock like I’m a college kid at a dive bar with how much food and liquor can be consumed before the actually close everything down or before I get escorted out. God I love weddings.
YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE WEEK
There are some many things funny about this video which was shot in Norway. Some are obvious and some are not so obvious. My favorite part is the very subtle, glow stick like, dance move at the :25 mark. If you blink you will miss it but I absolutely love it. This guy also has a striking resemblance to Rodney Hampton.
STAND UP COMEDY CLIP OF THE WEEK
Why are all the best comedians dead but Larry the Cable guy still roams the earth hocking Prilocec OTC?
HIGHLY RANKED FANTASY PLAYER THAT WILL SHIT THE BED THIS WEEK
Matt Stafford was last week’s pick and although he didn’t set the world on fire he exceed what I though so I will consider that a loss. I had predicted 11 and he came up with 18 points.
18-35, 219, 3 TD, 1INT, 18 standard points
Fuck it, I’m going back to the well. It’s basically the same matchup for me than last week so I’ll just stick with it.
Matt Stafford, #3 ranked QB on Sportline & Rotoworld
My prediction: 20-32, 275 YDS, 1 TD 1 INT, 13 standard fantasy points
WEEK 11 PICKS
IND @TEN (+3.5)
The 2 teams that clearly had the 2 worst losses last week. How does Indy get blow out at home against the Rams? How does Tennessee lose to the Jags? All I know is Hal Verl was on the right side of both of those last week. Suck it. Pick: Colts
Colts 24 Titans 9
WAS @ PHI (-3.5)
The Eagles have lost 10 in a row at home. That’s insane especially since they play in the NFC East. Things are going to get really interesting in the NFC East even though all 4 teams are very bad. Pick: Skins
Skins 21 Eagles 20
CLE @ CIN ( -6.5)
The Bengals are just all of over the place but they seem to be fading fast. Pick: Browns
Bengals 27 Browns 24
ATL @ TB ( -0.5)
Shitshow of a game that in the beginning of the year looked to have division ramifications. I think the Bucs build off their Monday night win while the Falcons have packed in it. Pick: Bucs
Bucs 17 Falcons 16
OAK @ HOU (-6.5)
Oakland is super banged up and not very good. I’ll take Houston at home by default. Pick: Titans
Texans 27 Raiders 14
BAL @ CHI (-3.5)
Cutler probably tried to come back to early from his injury. The guy just can’t stay healthy and that will probably is the reason he’ll be on a new team next year. McCown has looked OK in his spells. This is a tough game to call as I really don’t think Baltimore is very good. Pick: Ravens
Warehouses 20 Ravens 17
ARI @ JAC (+6.5)
The Jags got out of the winless column and I think the line reflects that by probably a few points. I think their happiness will be short lived. Pick: Cards
Cards 20 Jags 10
DET @ PIT (+2.5)
Staying with theory the dome team will not play well outdoors and on grass. It’s a spotty theory at best and I’ve been on the Steelers far too often this year. Pick: Steelers
Lions 21 Steelers 20
NYJ @ BUF (-1.5)
Toss up game for me. I’ll take the Jets I guess. Pick: Jets
Jets 14 BIlls 13
SAN @ MIA (+1.5)
The one thing that no one has talked about about the Miami scandal is that they lost 2/5 of their starting offensive line. That is really hard to overcome especially with a young QB. They also just lost one of their depth guys to injury for the year. That line is in shambles and will kill them even against SD. Pick: Bolts
Bolts 22 Fins 14
SF @ NO (-3.5)
New Orleans looked really good at home last week. San Fran I think will play better this week but I don’t think it will be enough. Maybe they can get the lights to go out again in the Superdome. Pick: Saints
Saints 26 9ers 17
MIN @ SEA (-13.5)
I’m too lazy to check the last few weeks but I’m pretty sure the Seahawks have been giving double digits the last few weeks. I think it’s getting too late in the season to think blowouts are a given. Too many factors are keeping games close. Pick: Vikes
Seahawks 30 Vikes 17
GB @ NYG (-5.5)
This game was supposed to the Sunday night game but it got flexed out. Not exactly a endorsement for good football. However, I have the same feeling as last week. I think the Giants win a sloppy, boring game cause their defense is very good at controlling 3rd string QB’s(we are the best at controlling 3rd string QB’s) however not enough to cover the spread. They discovered a running game again with Andre Brown which I think will be enough to overcome the weekly special teams disaster. If they can pull this one out then at least next weeks game against Dallas would make things interesting in wide open but sub par NFC East. The NFC East has taken a lot of flack for being bad this year. There’s no question it’s not a good division. I think you can make the argument though that AFC South is worse (Indy, Ten, Hou, JVile). That’s a brutal division. Pick: Pack
Gmen 20 Pack 17
KC @ DEN (-8.5)
The game of the week. I think the odds makers are just a tough overzealous with this line. Peyton Manning is a touch gimpy and the Chefs are undefeated for Cry Pete. I thought I was finally go to pick against the Chefs this week but this line is too juicy to do so. I think the Broncos win the game but that too many points for my blood. Pick: Chefs
Broncos 24 KC 17
NE @ CAR (-2.5)
Carolina has looked good recently and NE has been up and down. However, in my opinion, this is the type of game that Bill Belichek always wins. He’s had 2 weeks to prepare for Cam Newton and how to try to slow down their defense. It’s pretty rare for NE to get points so I’ll take them and run. I like the Pats straight up this week. Pick: Pats
Pats 22 Panthers 20
LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS
Week 7 ATS Record 11-3 (Fuck Yeah)
Season ATS Record 43-41
Week 7 SU Record 7-7
Season SU Record 52-32
Family Guy Quote
Lois Griffin: You’re gonna love this cake.
Stewie Griffin: None for me, thanks; it’s gonna go straight to my vagina. That’s what girls worry about, right? Having big vaginas?