Archive

Monthly Archives: November 2013

turkeyThis may or may not be a truncated version of Parlays and Teasers as we are trying to get this out today before the Thanksgiving day games.  Maybe we can get into a groove as we did with last week’s picks.   A highly skilled workmanlike 9-4 ATS along with calling 2 unders (Jet game, 9er game) coming through.  We are back smack dab sitting at exactly .500 so it was an enjoyable week.  Looking at this week’s schedule, the good feelings won’t last long because I think Week 13 will be the toughest to date.  A bunch of short weeks and really close match ups to contend with.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

A ton of real interesting events taking place last week.  I knew we were doing well going into the Sunday night game but before going to bed I saw it was 24-0 Broncos over the Patriots at half so that put a damper on things.  I figured that was just a waste of a pick.  I didn’t find out until the next afternoon that the Pats came back so that was a nice surprise.  Couldn’t believe that when I saw it.   Arizona laid pipe on Indy.   Chefs lost a game that could have huge playoff seeding implications for them to Philip Rivers of all people.  Yuck!.  Playoff battles are really starting to take shape this week   There was also a tie in the Packer Viking game.  That bullshit had a huge effect on me.  In my local market, the 1:00 pm Fox game was Miami/Carolina.  It finished in it’s normal time right around 4pm.  Fox then cut to the GB/MIN game in OT which literally took an hour which delayed cutting to the NYG/DAL game.  I was so livid.  My favorite part was the last minute of the OT took 15 minutes.  It was hysterical.  This is how the last sequence of the game went.  I swear to God you can look this up.  GB was on their 35 after a first down with about a minute to play.   False start, then incomplete pass with a flag for holding.  It’s now 1st & 25 from their own 20.  They have no timeouts either and basically zero chance of getting into position to kick a field goal.  Complete pass out  for 7 yards of bounds stopping clock.  Incomplete pass.  Referee Conference.  Then Punt that leaves 1 second on the clock after a fair catch.  Minnesota finally runs a play that gets no where near the end zone and the game mercifully ends.  The Giant game gets picked up as the first quarter is about to expire at just after 5pm EST.   Fuck you Fox!

WEEKLY RANT

I know I mentioned this a few weeks ago regarding how early this Christmas stuff comes around now.  Case in point, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer was on CBS last night.  Blow Me!  It’s 2 days shy of Thanksgiving and we’re forced fed Rudolph.  Fuck you CBS!  I watched it though and actually laughed when Yukon Cornelius falls off that cliff.  I was hoping in this new November version of Rudolph he actually dies a horrible death by falling to his demise and then is eaten by hungry polar bears.   Whatever happened to A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.   I’m no scholar but that seems more appropriate for this time of year.    Another holiday tradition that I really don’t miss all the much is the travel although I miss seeing family and friends.  I haven’t been outside of Florida during Thanksgiving for a few years now.  The airports during this time of year especially at about 5pm on Wednesday and 8pm on Sunday are probably the worst places on earth.  There is nothing worse than being so hungover from a 4 day bender only to run into a 2 hour security line and an overbooked delayed flight that lands at midnight.

YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE WEEK

I just cant resist this during Thanksgiving.  Even with the Family Guy quote later this is just unavoidable for me.  Your ass, Your mom’s ass!

STAND UP COMEDY CLIP OF THE WEEK

Saw this whole thing on netflix and though it was pretty funny.

  HIGHLY RANKED FANTASY PLAYER THAT WILL SHIT THE BED THIS WEEK

Last week’s pick of Cam Newton, I feel like it was a win cause he went 19-38 for only 174 yards with a TD & INT.  He salvaged his day by rushing for 51 yards and a TD for 20 points.  He really on had 9 points as a pure QB, so I think was right in my thinking but that rushing TD put him over the top so I have to count it as a loss.

This week’s selection is:

Frank Gore vs STL, ranked as high as #3 RB.

That St Louis front line is pretty decent so I think they can limit Gore.

Prediction:  20 carries, 82 yards, no TDs.  8.2 fantasy points

WEEK 13 GAMES

I’m going to keep this part pretty short and sweet.  This weeks games appear daunting so a few of these I don’t have great conviction one way or the other.

Starting with Turkey Day

GB @ DET (-5.5)

Matt Flynn anyone?  This should be the most watchable game.  Pick: Pack

Lions 28 Pack 26 

OAK @ DAL (-9.5)

Is there a let down in sight after Dallas big win?  I think they win but they haven’t played being big favorites.  Pick: Raiders

Cowboys 28 Raiders 20

PIT @ BAL (-3.5)

Games are usually really close.  Pick: Steelers

Ravens 17 Steelers 16

MIA @ NYJ (-1.5)

I’m picking the Jets only because of the weather which should be chilly. Pick: Jets

Jets 20 Fins 17

JAC @ CLE (-7.5)

Brandon Weeden is starting, no way should he be giving more than a TD.  Pick: Jags

Browns 16 Jags 13

CHI @ MIN (+2.5)

If I was the VIkings, AP would have 35 carries.  Pick: Vikes

Vikes 20 Warehouses 19

NE @ HOU (+7.5)

Texans have lost 10 in a row.  They are brutal.  Pick: Pats

Pats 30 Texans 14

TEN @ IND (-4.5)

Indy is fading fast.  Pick: Titans

Colts 20 Titans 17

TB @ CAR (-8.5)

I don’t think I’ll ever be a believer in Cam Newton.  Pick: Bucs

Panthers 21 Bucs 17

ARI @ PHI (-3.5)

I’m only picking Philly cause they are at home with an early start.  Pick: Eagles

Eagles 24 Cards 20

ATL @ BUF (-3.5)

Falcons packed it in during October.  Pick: Bills

Bills 16 Falcons 10

STL @ SF (-7.5)

Rams have played San Fran tough the last few years even when they were that good.  They are better this time around.  Pick: Rams

9ers 24 Rams 20

DEN @ KC (+3.5)

KC is in their downward spiral now that was coming for weeks.  Pick: Broncos

Broncos 31 KC 20

CIN @ SD (-1.5)

I just don’t trust San Diego after a big win.  Pick: Bengals

Bengals 27 Chargers 26

NYG @ WAS (-2.5)

Gmen’s impossible dream ended with a big thump last week.  So I’ll just be a homer.  Pick: Gmen

Gmen 21 Skins 20

NO @ SEA (-6.5)

Game of the week.  Can’t really trust Saints outdoors especially in that environment.   Pick: Seahawks

Seahawks 27 Saints 20

Enjoy the games everyone and Happy Thanksgiving!

LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 12 ATS Record 9-4 (Fuck Yeah)

Season ATS Record 56-56

Week 12 SU Record 7-5-1

Season SU Record 68-43-1

Family Guy Quote

They killed off Brian on the show last Sunday and replaced him with another dog voiced by Paulie Walnuts from The Sopranos.  I don’t think that lasts but the new dog seemed funny.

This week’s quote:

[Peter appears as James Woods on The Late Show with David Letterman]

Letterman:  What are you here to promote, James?
Peter: Well, Dave, I have a hilarious new movie coming’ out on HBO next month. It’s all about 9/11. The movie’s called September 11th, 2000-Fun.
[the studio audience gasps]
Letterman: James, that sounds unbelievably offensive to Americans.
Peter: Well, you haven’t heard what the movie’s about. I play a window washer who has just finished washing the last window of the World Trade Center. And then I turn around to get off the scaffold, and what do you think I see coming? A plane! And I go, “Come on”! You know, it’s real, real old-style comedy, you know, it’s like two pies in the face, and one in a field in Pennsylvania.

honeymooners“One of these days Alice, one of these days.”  One of these days I’ll be able to put solid back to back weeks together.  Last week did not end up that way.  We went a hard fought 4-11 ATS.  I thought there were some solid picks in there but just couldn’t get it to go our way.   I thought we were going to be fine as going into the later games we were .500 and then proceeded to lose every from there on out.  We picked the SU winners OK going 9-6 and I was sure the Pats would pull it out to at least salvage something but wasn’t meant to be, although that call at the end of that game was spotty.  Nothing left to do but to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep grinding.   Another intersting slate of games coming up this week.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

We’re coming into the last quarter of the season and I think the league has to be really happy with what transpired so far this year.  The goal was parity and for basically every team to have a shot at the playoffs.   The league is a hodgepodge of mediocre teams fighting it out for those last few spots.  Obviously you have your shoe ins like Denver, KC, NO & Seattle.   Cincy & Indy look to be in good shape but are so inconsistent that you can’t consider definites just yet.  After that the last 6 spots are wide open.  The NFL regular reason is become the more and more meaningless as it appears 9-7 will probably get in a wild card in both conferences.  9-7 might also win a division or 2.  The NFL has become “just get into the tournament” regular season and hope you are playing your best football at the end of the year.   First round byes, while are nice to have, mean nothing.  Wild Cards are regularly winning multiple road playoff games and advancing to the Super Bowl over the last half dozen years.  So as long you are mediocre enough to win just slightly over half your games you have a very good chance of making the playoffs and making a run.   The days of those 14-2 teams making it to the Super Bowl are over.   The questions of resting players will start surfacing soon.  In fact, Denver and or KC will have a very interesting dilemma coming up.  They are for all intensive purposes locks to make it with one of them probably getting home field throughout.   Let’s assume Denver wins next week against KC to own the tiebreaker and can cruise to home field say after week 15.  Do they rest Manning or some starters?  Time after time that strategy backfires but how do you play a 90 year old gimpy QB in a meaningless end of the regular season game.  It will be very interesting how everything shakes out.

WEEKLY RANT

It’s the 50th anniversary of JFK being assassinated this week.  I was always kind of into the cover up stuff, the “magic” bullet and all of that shit.  The movie “JFK” was really good and threw everything into a frenzy when it came out.  It’s fascinating to think that Joe Pesci and Tommy Lee Jones, some Cubans, and the mob all scheming together to kill JFK.  It kinda of sucks that everything in that movie is made up and none of it was true. I should have known something was up when Joe Pesci is doing coke in a diaper in one scene.

You would think that it would take some great scheme like they describe in the movie to kill a president.  You wouldn’t think some punk 24 year old redneck would be able to pull something like that off.  But since there were no rules back in the 60’s he could.  It didn’t help matters that a guy killed the guy who killed the president.  All this did was fan the flames of the controversy.   Again, back in the 60’s you can evidently walk into the police station freely and shoot someone who just shot the president.  If that happened today, I’m sure some cunt would put on facebook or twitter.

#obamasbeenshot

then an hour later

#theguywhoshotobamahasbeenshot

YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE WEEK

This is youth soccer but pretty impressive display nonetheless.  Spin moves in any sport are great.

STAND UP COMEDY CLIP OF THE WEEK

This technically isn’t a stand up show but Louis CK does some of his best work on talk shows.  This one is from way back with Conan’s original show when probably no one knew who Conan was let alone Louis CK.   I love the last minute of this.

HIGHLY RANKED FANTASY PLAYER THAT WILL SHIT THE BED THIS WEEK

My prediction for the second week in a row was Matt Stafford.  He exceed my expectations but I think there was an asterisk.   He only threw for about 30 yards after halftime.  It was about the same time the Pitt coaches must of had a meeting.  It would probably go something like this.  Hey you see that really tall, fast guy with really Johnson on his back.  Let put like 4 dudes on him cause he’s killing us and they really don’t have any other receivers.

Actual Line: 19/46, 362 YDS, 2 TD 1 INT for 20 standard points

Prediction: 20-32, 275 YDS, 1 TD 1 INT, 13 standard fantasy points (Loss)

This week’s selection is another QB:

Cam Newton ranked #5 in both Rotoworld & Sportsline

He’s a boom or bust type guy and it usually depends on what he does with his feet.   I don’t think he’ll do much through the air.

Prediction 13-24, 201 YDS, 1 TD, 2 INT.  8 carries, 30 YDS.  11 fantasy points

WEEK 12 PICKS

CHI @ STL (-1.5)

I almost called the exact score of the Warehouse game last week and I like them again this week.  I think the Rams are getting way too much credit with this line from blowing out the Colts.  That Robbie Gould is a kicker that doesn’t get anywhere near the pub he should get.  I was watching that game last week and he nailed like a 40 something yarder dead center and it looked like a monsoon.  That dude is pretty money.   I think he kicks them to a W again this week.  Pick:  Warehouses

Warehouses 20 Rams 17

NYJ @ BAL (-4.5)

Why do I ever pick the Jets?  What’s crazy is if the playoffs started today they would be in as a 6 seed.  Will they pull their one bad week one good week garbage?  I don’t think so.  Baltimore is a tough place to play and Geno Smith has hit the proverbial Rookie Wall.  The Ravens don’t score but I don’t think they have to score much.  It I was a betting man,  I would love and love some more the under(39.5).  Pick: Ravens

Ravens 17 Jets 9

PIT @ CLE (-1.5)

The Steelers are the Giants of the NFC.  They started like shit and have righted the ship to at least make themselves relevant.  I think they get it done this week to creep closer to a playoff berth.  Big Ben has played better in recent weeks.   Pick: Steelers

Steelers 21 Browns 16

JAC @ HOU (-10.5)

Brutal game for all involved.  Houston is the AFC version of the Falcons.  They have packed in it and waiting until next year. Pick: Jags

Jags 21 Texans 20

TB @ DET (-9.5)

Seems like such a trap line to take the Bucs and I would think with that many points most people would take that.  That includes me.  We’ll see if Revis Island can hold up Megatron to less than absurd numbers.  Pick: Bucs

Lions 28 Bucs 24

MIN @ GB (-4.5)

Packers are sinking fast without Aaron Rodgers.  Scott Tolzien has a pretty live arm.  Some of his throws last week were pretty impressive.  However, he’s a young guy that will make too make mistakes.  AP due for a big game.  Pick: Vikes

Vikes 21 Pack 20

SD @ KC (-4.5)

I’m shocked at this line.  Granted KC finally lost and maybe they look past them for next week’s rematch against Denver but San Diego is terrible. Pick: Chefs

Chefs 23 Chargers 17

CAR @ MIA (+4.5)

I really want to take Miami cause I am just a non beliver in Cam Newton but that Carolina D appears just a touch too good.  Pick: Panthers

Panthers 27 Fins 20

IND @ ARI (-2.5)

Is Arizona for real?  Maybe, they certainly have played better the last few weeks.  I’ll stick with them for another week.  Pick: Cards

Cards 30 Colts 27

TEN @ OAK (-0.5)

This is essentially a pick em.  I’m on the Matt Mcgloin express train to a victory.  I’m not sure if he was touched by Jerry Sandusky or not at Penn St. but I believe in him regardless.  Side Note: Sandusky’s favorite pick up line to little boys, “Tennessee?  You’re the only 10 I see.”  OK, that was in bad taste.  Pick: Raiders

Raiders 23 Titans 20 

DAL @ NYG (-2.5)

GMen on a 4 game win streak against not exactly a murders row of QB’s.  However, since the acquisition of Jon Beason the defense has played much better and since the acquisition of John “The Terminator” Conner the run game has been able to contribute especially in short yardage where they are much improved since the beginning of the year.   This will be a typical back and forth Dallas Giants game.  Last time they turned the ball over 6 times.  I think that will be the answer.  Whoever turns the ball over less wins.  Pick: Cowboys

Giants 24 Cowboys 23

DEN @ NE (+2.5)

Call me crazy but I thought I had that Pats/Carolina game pegged last week.  A break here or there and it’s a different story.  I’m sticking with my guns and picking a small upset.  Pats are 5-0 at home and very rarely lose 2 in a row and even more rarely get points in 2 straight.  Pick: Pats

Pats 34 Broncos 30

SF @ WAS (+5.5)

RG III is going through a rough stretch right now as he’s getting beat up for decision making especially last week’s game ending pick.   It just looks like he’ll need another year to get fully healthy.  It’s also possible he just isn’t as good and the league is starting to figure him out.  Awfully similar to his counterpart on San Francisco who is also struggling badly.   Here is another under that I like (47.5).  Pick: 49ers

49ers 24 Redskins 17

LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 11 ATS Record 4-11 (Fuck No)

Season ATS Record 47-52

Week 11 SU Record 9-6

Season SU Record 61-38

Family Guy Quote

Dr. Hartman: Well, I caution you, that getting the mumps as an adult could result in serious complications. In some cases the symptoms could spread to the testicular glands.
Peter: Big deal, so I wear socks.
Dr. Hartman: Mr. Griffin, your testicles are not on your feet.
Peter: Oh, where are they?
Dr. Hartman: Under your penis.
Peter: Are you kidding? I always thought those were two little sandbags to keep floodwaters from floating into my bum. No, no. I’m just poking at your funny bone. I am quite alarmed.

NFL: Houston Texans at Baltimore Ravens

What a rip roaring ATS week we had.    We went an astounding 11-3.  Totally Cantbelievable.    This accomplished many things.  First, it got us over the .500 mark Year to Date which is nice cause now we are in the positive figures.  Second, it puts us in solid position to close out the year without having to make risky moves to try to make up ground.   The straight up picks didn’t hold up so well going only 7-7 but that’s why we have spreads ladies and gentleman.   I was super worried about last week given how many toss up games and again you have to hand it to the lines makers.   Many spreads were right on the money and we just ended up on the right side of all of the close ones.  Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good but I will take week’s like that every single time.

Quick League notes

There really hasn’t been been much clarity in the Incagnito/Martin scandal.  Incagnito spoke with Jay Glazer this past weekend which probably just raised more questions and Martin was supposedly going to send out some sort of taped statement.  How gay is that?   From what I read Incagnito will probably get a hefty suspension because the NFL doesn’t like problems regardless of facts.  Plus he’s really a nobody so when he goes away no one will care.  Martin, on the other hand, I think will have a self imposed suspension because nobody is going to sign this guy.  It’s pretty small fraternity in the NFL and going outside of that especially for something like this will not be looked upon too fondly.   I’m to the point where I just don’t care anymore after a few days of infatuation.  It’s sort of starting to watch a new TV show that you really like the first episode of.   Then you are all pumped to watch the next one and you say to yourself, “this is fucking stupid” and you turn back on Tosh.O reruns.

Ed Reed got released this week and it appears his time is over.  He was a great player though for a really long time.  It looks like the Jets are signing him but his tank appears pretty empty and they appear to be trying to catch lighting in a bottle.

Weekly Rant

Yesterday was November 12, 2013.  For those of you who are more numerically inclined that’s also 11/12/13.  Sequential date numbers for some reason makes people flock to get married on these days.    Look at these fucking lunatics.

Happy 11/12/13!

(Side note: By the looks of this columnist it appears this is the closest thing she’ll ever get to a wedding. OK that was mean and I should write formally apology to that whore bag.)

Is it me or is this the most ridiculous thing you have ever heard?  There is going to be one more of these on 12/13/14 and then that’s it for about 90 years or so.    The luster of this for these people will last about 15 seconds after you receive your invitations.  Nobody else gives a fuck what actual day your get married on.  Everyone just wants food and open bar.  I’ve been to many weddings and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t remember the month, date or year of pretty much all of them.  If someone asks you when you got married you pretty much never give the exact date.  A normal person who say “3 years ago” or “this past summer” or “back in December.”  If someone asks what exact date you would tell them but you wouldn’t just offer that up without request.  If I asked someone when they got married and they proceeded to say “11/12/13” I would just stop whatever I was doing to walk in the exact opposite direction because I would want nothing more to be as far away from that person as possible.  I know this all revolves around broads trying to one up their best friends in every way possible but I think even skirts wouldn’t give you the exact date if asked when they got married.  With the exception of 01/01/01, I see know reason why this would be popular.  Even if you were lucky enough to be able to get married on 01/01/01, no one would show up because people would be hungover from NYE and they think you are a pompous douche.  I love going to weddings and basically playing beat the clock like I’m a college kid at a dive bar with how much food and liquor can be consumed before the actually close everything down or before I get escorted out.  God I love weddings.

YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE WEEK

There are some many things funny about this video which was shot in Norway.  Some are obvious and some are not so obvious.  My favorite part is the very subtle, glow stick like, dance move at the :25 mark.  If you blink you will miss it but I absolutely love it.   This guy also has a striking resemblance to Rodney Hampton.

STAND UP COMEDY CLIP OF THE WEEK

Why are all the best comedians dead but Larry the Cable guy still roams the earth hocking Prilocec OTC?

HIGHLY RANKED FANTASY PLAYER THAT WILL SHIT THE BED THIS WEEK

Matt Stafford was last week’s pick and although he didn’t set the world on fire he exceed what I though so I will consider that a loss.  I had predicted 11 and he came up with 18 points.

18-35, 219, 3 TD, 1INT, 18 standard points

Fuck it, I’m going back to the well.  It’s basically the same matchup for me than last week so I’ll just stick with it.

Matt Stafford, #3 ranked QB on Sportline & Rotoworld

My prediction: 20-32, 275 YDS, 1 TD 1 INT, 13 standard fantasy points

WEEK 11 PICKS

IND @TEN (+3.5)

The 2 teams that clearly had the 2 worst losses last week.  How does Indy get blow out at home against the Rams?  How does Tennessee lose to the Jags?  All I know is Hal Verl was on the right side of both of those last week.  Suck it.  Pick: Colts

Colts 24 Titans 9

WAS @ PHI (-3.5)

The Eagles have lost 10 in a row at home.  That’s insane especially since they play in the NFC East.  Things are going to get really interesting in the NFC East even though all 4 teams are very bad.  Pick: Skins

Skins 21 Eagles 20

CLE @ CIN ( -6.5)

The Bengals are just all of over the place but they seem to be fading fast.   Pick: Browns

Bengals 27 Browns 24

ATL @ TB ( -0.5)

Shitshow of a game that in the beginning of the year looked to have division ramifications.  I think the Bucs build off their Monday night win while the Falcons have packed in it.  Pick: Bucs

Bucs 17 Falcons 16

OAK @ HOU (-6.5)

Oakland is super banged up and not very good.  I’ll take Houston at home by default.  Pick: Titans

Texans 27 Raiders 14

BAL @ CHI (-3.5)

Cutler probably tried to come back to early from his injury.  The guy just can’t stay healthy and that will probably is the reason he’ll be on a new team next year.   McCown has looked OK in his spells.  This is a tough game to call as I really don’t think Baltimore is very good.   Pick: Ravens

Warehouses 20 Ravens 17

ARI @ JAC (+6.5)

The Jags got out of the winless column and I think the line reflects that by probably a few points.  I think their happiness will be short lived.  Pick: Cards

Cards 20 Jags 10

DET @ PIT (+2.5)

Staying with theory the dome team will not play well outdoors and on grass.  It’s a spotty theory at best and I’ve been on the Steelers far too often this year. Pick: Steelers

Lions 21 Steelers 20

NYJ @ BUF (-1.5)

Toss up game for me.  I’ll take the Jets I guess. Pick: Jets

Jets 14 BIlls 13

SAN @ MIA (+1.5)

The one thing that no one has talked about about the Miami scandal is that they lost 2/5 of their starting offensive line.  That is really hard to overcome especially with a young QB.   They also just lost one of their depth guys to injury for the year.  That line is in shambles and will kill them even against SD.  Pick: Bolts

Bolts 22 Fins 14

SF @ NO (-3.5)

New Orleans looked really good at home last week.  San Fran I think will play better this week but I don’t think it will be enough.  Maybe they can get the lights to go out again in the Superdome.  Pick: Saints

Saints 26 9ers 17

MIN @ SEA (-13.5)

I’m too lazy to check the last few weeks but I’m pretty sure the Seahawks have been giving double digits the last few weeks.   I think it’s getting too late in the season to think blowouts are a given.  Too many factors are keeping games close. Pick: Vikes

Seahawks 30 Vikes 17

GB @ NYG (-5.5)

This game was supposed to the Sunday night game but it got flexed out.  Not exactly a endorsement for good football.  However, I have the same feeling as last week.  I think the Giants win a sloppy, boring game cause their defense is very good at controlling 3rd string QB’s(we are the best at controlling 3rd string QB’s) however not enough to cover the spread.  They discovered a running game again with Andre Brown which I think will be enough to overcome the weekly special teams disaster.  If they can pull this one out then at least next weeks game against Dallas would make things interesting in wide open but sub par NFC East.   The NFC East has taken a lot of flack for being bad this year.  There’s no question it’s not a good division.  I think you can make the argument though that AFC South is worse (Indy, Ten, Hou, JVile).  That’s a brutal division.   Pick: Pack

Gmen 20 Pack 17

KC @ DEN (-8.5)

The game of the week.  I think the odds makers are just a tough overzealous with this line.  Peyton Manning is a touch gimpy and the Chefs are undefeated for Cry Pete.  I thought I was finally go to pick against the Chefs this week but this line is too juicy to do so.  I think the Broncos win the game but that too many points for my blood. Pick: Chefs

Broncos 24 KC 17

NE @ CAR (-2.5)

Carolina has looked good recently and NE has been up and down.  However, in my opinion, this is the type of game that Bill Belichek always wins.  He’s had 2 weeks to prepare for Cam Newton and how to try to slow down their defense.  It’s pretty rare for NE to get points so I’ll take them and run.  I like the Pats straight up this week.  Pick: Pats

Pats 22 Panthers 20

LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 7 ATS Record 11-3 (Fuck Yeah)

Season ATS Record 43-41

Week 7 SU Record 7-7

Season SU Record 52-32

Family Guy Quote

Lois Griffin: You’re gonna love this cake.

Stewie Griffin: None for me, thanks; it’s gonna go straight to my vagina.  That’s what girls worry about, right? Having big vaginas?

richie-incognito-jonathan-martin2A tough plow horse type of week that I think we missed some opportunities by sticking to a stupid system of picking all favorites coming off the bye.  That didn’t work out that great so we are just going to go with the gut feeling from here on out.  I absolutely hate the Week 10 games.  This is a week that could be absolutely great or it could be a blood bath.  There are more toss up games this week that I can remember in a long time.  I count at least 7 games where I have absolutely no conviction one way or the other.

This Incognito/Martin fiasco has me fascinated.  The whole thing just seems off and I feel that the more info comes out the more fascinating it’s going to be.  You are really getting a sense that if someone has a chance to come back from this it’s Incognito.  I have a feeling that Martin will never play another down in the league again.   From the quotes from the Dolphins players yesterday, its pretty clear Martin definitely won’t be playing for the Fins again.  This was after they had a meeting with the team’s legal counsel basically saying don’t say anything.  There has to be more to this than meets the eye.  The whole situation just doesn’t make sense.   A former lineman for the Dolphins, Lydon Murtha, wrote a piece on SI.com (see link below) which I think summarizes the players feelings.   It seems to me that Incognito is guilty of using some racial slurs, which obviously you shouldn’t use (especially on a voicemail).

http://mmqb.si.com/2013/11/07/richie-incognito-jonathan-martin-dolphins-lydon-murtha/?sct=hp_t1t_a2&eref=sihp

Now it’s entirely possible that Martin has some serious mental issues.  My first instinct is it’s not that because this guy went to Stanford for Christ sake.  I honestly think he was probably coddled his entire life.  A star athlete, an outstanding student and now when things get a little tough he got going in the wrong direction.  I could be completely off base with that judgement and if it comes out that he does have severe mental problems then I’ll own up to it.   However, I think it speaks to something else that’s going on in this country.  The Pussification of American Kids.   I also think that Martin’s age group of being currently in his early 20’s is the first real big pussy age group to hit adulthood.  Any kid born after 1990 is in this class.  (Side note: Martin was born in August of 89 but basically the same thing).  It just seems like kids now and especially in that age range have either a sense of entitlement or just expect things to be easy.  It drives me crazy.  You know what I’m going to do when I become a parent.  Absolutely Nothing.  I’m sure I will do anything to make the kid’s life easier but in the long run make it more difficult for them.   I think the reason generations before are OK in terms of not being pussies is there weren’t any rules or technology.  There were no bike helmets, no IPads.  Our parent just let us do things the wrong way until we learned.  I only need to touch the stove once to realize it’s hot.  I won’t do it again.  This is what that generation and the generations coming because their parents (myself included) will be right there to coddle.   Speaking of technology, I remember when the first madden on Sega Genesis came out when I was probably about 12 and it blew my mind.  They only had the numbers of the players and no names but playing with LT on a linebacker blitz off the edge would result in sack after sack.  How about fucking Altered Beasts?  That game was dope.

Lastly, Twitter had its IPO on the NYSE today and as I write this CNBC is interviewing, Chris Messina who they are calling The Hashtag Godfather.  He looked just as you would think to have such a ridiculous title.  He looked like a computer douche.  I guess he was the first one to use the hashtag.  My feelings on the hashtag have been expresses on the blog in weeks past.  GO fuck yourself Hashtag Godfather.

YOU TUBE VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Michael Jordan listed his house for $29 mil and then dropped the price to $20 mil.  After no takers he is auctioning it off later this month to the highest bidder.  I thought this video was kinda interesting.

STAND UP COMEDY CLIP OF THE WEEK

HIGHLY RANKED FANTASY PLAYER THAT WILL SHIT THE BED THIS WEEK

Last week I went with Drew Brees and I think I basically nailed it.  We pretty much almost called the amount of points he would have.  Honestly, he probably should have had less points cause he had one pick called back and almost threw 2 more.  Plus he had the advantage of getting 2 really tic tack roughing the passer calls which extended drives giving him more yardage.  I completely call that a win for me.

His line 30-51, 381 YDS, 2 TD, 2 INT  = 19 standard points

My prediction: 20-30, 300 YDS, 2 TD 1 INT, 19 standard fantasy points

How about that haaaaa?

This weeks pick to shit themselves:

Matt Stafford, #3 ranked QB on Sportline & Rotoworld

I’m sticking with the theory that these Dome Qb’s don’t perform as well especially in the colder cities as the weather starts to turn.  I also think they will make a concerted effort to run the ball.  Teams are going to start quadruple teaming Megatron until they can show they have another option.

My prediction: 20-32, 275 YDS, 1 TD 1 INT, 13 standard fantasy points

WEEK 9′s Picks

Just a little housekeeping.  I’m going to start listing my ATS winner because it takes me way too long to tally everything.  I’m sitting there adding and shit.  Just more transparency for me.  On to this potential bloodbath this week:

WAS @ MIN (+2.5)

Skins pulled out a good win last week and Minny gave Dallas everything they could handle.   I think the Skins will pull this out in another close game.  Pick: Skins

Skins 30 Vikings 27

DET @ CHI (+2.5)

I like the Warehouses this week at home.  I just read that Cutler looks like he’s going to play.  Give me the home dawg coming off a good division win.  Pick: Da Bears

Warehouses 21 Lions 20

JAC @ TEN (-11.5)

I’ve picked the Jags to cover a few times and have gotten burned.  I’m sticking with the theory that they are due.   Pick: Jags

Titans 20 Jags 10

STL @ IND (-9.5)

It seems like Indy plays alot of close games to be laying almost 10 points.  Pick: Rams

Colts 24 Rams 17

OAK @ NYG (-7.5)

The Raiders got smoked at home and have to come across the country for a 1pm start.  However, I don’t know how much confidence I have for the Giants to cover more than a TD against anyone.  But I still think they win the game.  Pick: GMen

Gmen 17 Raiders 13

BUF @ PIT (-3.5)

I’ll pick the Steelers just because really.  I would have no desire to bet or watch this game.  Pick: Steelers

Steelers 17 Bills 10

PHI @ GB (-1.5)

I’m a little surprised at the line with GB being favored.  Clearly, Senaca Wallace is a downgrade.   Pick: Eagles

Eagles 24 Pack 21

SEA @ ATL (+6.5)

I keep getting burned with picking the Seahawks laying a bunch of points.  I will stick with it.  Wait, didn’t I write something above that said I only would touch a hot stove once.  I guess I can throw that idea out the window.  I’m just as dumb as the pussy youth of America.  Pick: Seahawks

Seahawks 28 Falcons 20

CIN @ BAL (+1.5)

Man its hard to stay good in this league.  Look at the last 2 Super Bowl Champions as an example.  The Ravens look pretty bad.  Pick: Bengals

Bengals 24 Ravens 20

CAR @ SF (-6.5)

The best game in the NFC this week.  I guess we will see if Carolina is for real.  They are a decent team but not yet in the elite class.  Pick: 9ers

9ers 28 Panthers 20

HOU @ ARI (-3.5)

I think the Texans rallying around their coach, which probably would have been the story of the week with these coaches going down if it wasn’t for the Miami mess.   Pick: Texans

Texans 27 Cards 17

DEN @ SD (+7.5)

Again, team rallies around their fallen coach.  Jack Del Rio is going to come in their with an axe and chop someone’s leg off.   Pick: Broncos

Broncos 38 Chargers 28

DAL @ NO (-7.5)

Normally I think this would be a close game but I think Dallas just is playing the Saints at the wrong time.  I think they come out real strong at home after basically losing pretty bad to the Jets. Pick: Saints

Saints 35 Boys 24

MIA @ TB (+2.5)

I think the Fins fold under all this media stuff going on.  Pick: Bucs

Bucs 17 Fins 14

LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 7 ATS Record 6-7

Season ATS Record 32-38

Week 7 SU Record 7-6

Season SU Record 45-25

Family Guy Quote

Peter is on trial:

Attorney: “Mr. Griffin, do you Drink?”

Peter: “I plead the 5th of Jack.  No, really in all seriousness, I drink”