Week 6: One week Down

peytonOur first week is in the books and it wasn’t anything to write home about but it was an epic disaster either.   Both the SU records and ATS records need to be improved on but for our first week back into the swing of things I’ll take it.   I started off real nice with the early games but the late games really went against me.  I tallied all last week’s games at the bottom of the page.   We’re coming out guns blazing this week though with what I feel are some solid picks all around.  Lots of crazy lines this week headlined by the Jags/Broncos game.

 I was watching TV the other night and I noticed that there were #’s everywhere.  Every fucking show had # then something, I assume for twitter.    This must be the queerest thing in the world.  Even worse is the word Hashtag.  When the fuck did this become an acceptable word?  Hashtag?   I can only testify that from the late 70’s to the early 2010’s the word hashtag was never uttered anywhere near my presence.  Where I grew up that thing was called the fucking number sign or the tic tac toe sign for the less inclined.   That was it, there was no such thing as a hash tag.  Maybe some typist out in Bismark, ND called it a hash tag but that’s about it.  The absolute worst is when I hear something, usually on TV on those gay gossip shows(I’m kidding I sort of like those shows), when they throw out multiple hashtags in a row to express how they are feeling.  For example:

 #mycuntsmells

#vagisil

#muchbetternow

 I was on the phone with my tech desk at work to reset a password and I’m talking to some fuck probably out in India who keeps calling me Mr. Scott.  Whenever you have to reset a password nowadays is like getting a launch sequence code that’s going to start WW III.   Don’t they know I’m going to change it to vagina#19 anyway.  The guy was giving the new temporary password letter by letter.  It was something like R5m%QWP5421:P087}{Fucku but then he ended it with the # and actually said the number sign.  I almost lost my shit and I went into a very similar diatribe that you see above.  I was ready to tell his supervisor he needed an immediate raise and a corner office.  Needless to say the Indian guy didn’t find my any of my thoughts enlightening and wished me a nice day.

 Let’s look into the this week’s games:

 NYG @ Da Bears (-8.5)

The Giants are just a disaster.  They are 3-10 in their last 13 games.  Everyone of their games has been decided by more than 10 points.  Until the offense shows they can stop turning the ball over and the defense can stop someone when it matters, I don’t see how you can bet on them.  It’s like a stock that’s getting crushed you never want to step in and try to catch the falling knife.  What’s crazy is they are still only 2 games out of the first place in the NFC least.   I know there is a fair share of readers attending the game and I’m very jealous.  The GMen being 0-5 takes the sting out of it a touch but there is nothing better than a tailgate.  You all will receive a subscription of Ditka quarterly for attending.  Enjoy the game fellas!   Da Bears 31  Giants 21

Oh by the way,  last time the Giants and Bears played this happened:

PIT @ NYJ (-1.5)

OK, I was dead wrong about the Jets last week.  How in the world did they beat Atlanta in the dome?  Can they keep it up against a winless Pittsburgh team?  Can they build on a very impressive win?  The answer ladies and gentlemen is a resounding NO even though the Steelers are brutal! Fuck the Jets… Steelers 17 Jets 16

 DET @ CLE (+2.5)

There are a bunch of home dogs this week and here’s the first.   That’s a big home dawg.  Ever since Cleveland supposedly tanked their season and traded their best player, they are 2-0.  There defense is legit.  Weeden looked OK in relief getting his job back after the Hoyer injury.  Browns 20 Lions 17

 CAR @ MINN(-2.5)

Just like I said last week Cam Newton is the most inconsistent play in the league.  They looked like shit against the Cardinals.  Minnesota hasn’t named a starting QB as of time of this writing so that’s that.  I would probably rather do anything else besides watch this game.  Panthers 17 Vikings 14

 CIN @ BUF (+7.5)

Another home dog but I think this one plays out as the line indicates.  I think the Bills are starting Thad Lewis as the QB.   You probably know Thad Lewis from nowhere.  You’ve never heard of him.  Bengals 31 Bills 13

 PHI @ TB (+1.5)

Both teams aren’t good but the Eagles suck worse.  Nick Foles is going to start and the only other time he started a game came last year vs the Bucs and he shredded them. Eagles 24 Bucs 20

 OAK at KC (-9.5)

KC just seems like that gay team that will go 13-3 even though they are terrible and boring to watch but will lose by 20 in the first round of the playoffs to a far superior team with a worse record.  Chefs 24 Raiders 13

 GB @ BALT(+3.5)

2 teams that are just all over the map.  You never know what you are going to get from either of these teams.  That being said I’ll take Balt at home with more than a field goal even though I think they lose.  Pack 27 Ravens 24

 STL @ HOU (-7.5)

You should be real proud of yourself St. Louis you beat the Jags.  You’re still awful.  Houston is in a rut right now but there are far too many good players on that team for them to shit the bed so early.  Matt Schaub not throwing pick 6’s would help out the cause for sure.   After last week’s game people fans up at his house.  http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2013/10/08/fans-confront-matt-schaub-at-his-home/

That got me thinking about how weird that is.  Imaging coming home from a tough day at work and you’re finally sitting on the couch in your boxers eating peanut butter cookies watching House Hunters.  You get a knock on the door and some cunt clad in your companies gear is ranting and raving about how bad you were that day.   Worse part of that whole thing is they probably knock on your door just about the time the couple on the show makes their house selection and by the time you get back an episode of house hunters international starts.  I fucking hate house hunters international.   It’s always some dicklicker who has this great job and basically travels the world every few years and now has to find a flat in Rome or some shit.   Fuck en that show’s fake any way.    http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2012/06/14/house_hunters_is_fake_here_s_why_it_matters.html

 Texans 21 Rams 13

 JAC @ DEN (-26.5)

Holy fuck, basically 4 Touchdown difference spread.  This has to be the betting game of the week.   The problem as I see it betting on the Broncos is how much are they really going to put it their foot on the pedal in the second half.  The game clearly is going to be out of reach and if it’s say 35-0 at the end of the 3rd quarter I don’t know how many starters will play.  Manning, I doubt, will be in the game at that point.   This one has me really torn.  However, I just can’t see Jacksonville scoring enough points at the end of the day to cover even on some gay backdoor cover.  Broncos 45 Jags 7

 TEN @ SEA (-13.5)

You’re the only Ten I see.  I’m sorry I apologize for that.   Another big fucking spread though, Jesus.   I don’t love the Seattle offense at all giving that many points but I think their D will have no problem handling the Tennessee O.  Seahawks 21-Titans 3

 NO @ NE (-2.5)

I’m all over the Saints if this game is in the Big Easy but in Foxboro it’s a different story.  NE doesn’t’ lose many back to back games and they don’t lose much at home however I’ll take the Saints with the points.  Pats 31 Saints 30

 ARI @ SF(-11.5)

San Fran looked like they got their act together last week a little bit but I would be worried about their passing game if I was them.   Kaepernick doesn’t look like the same guy.  If you notice these pistol offense guys like him and RG III look like shit because the league has figured them out.   Neither are outstanding passers, they are good at best but in this league you need a pure drop back passer.  I mean look at what Manning and Romo did last week in terms of production.  Guys like Kaepernick need to run to be fully effective.  I don’t know where that tangent came from.  I was going to talk about gays in the city of San Francisco.  49ers 24 Cards 17

 WAS @ DAL(-5.5)

Romo Romoed himself last week but he played an unbelievable game in all seriousness.  He stood toe to toe with the MVP and almost pulled it out.  I think they’ll handle the Redskins this week.  Boys 30 Redskins 24

 IND @ SD (+1.5)

The Cots have beat San Fran and Seattle.   The Chargers haven’t and last week they proved that it wasn’t Norv Turner.   It’s just that team.  They will never be consistently good.  Colts 27 Bolts 20

Last Week ATS Record 6-8

Season ATS Record 6-8

Last Week SU Record 7-7

Season SU Record 7-7

Family Guy Quote

Nobody calls me a fizzle and gets away with it. Except that one guy who called me a fizzle and ran, I guess he got away with it. But after today, only half of the people who called me a fizzle will have gotten away with it. – Peter Griffin

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