WEEK 14 RUNDOWN
Oh Jesussssssss……..We took another one on the chin. We’re in a funk right now and I need to get out of this. I spoke about trap lines last week and I got suckered into the trapiest (pretty sure that’s not a word) of lines with an 11-1 Houston team getting points. That was very dumb on my part. I really didn’t expect the teaser to win as I was taking a real long shot for a big payoff which would have been nice. However, I had delusions of grandeur when Jamal Charles took the first play of the game for an 80 yard TD scamper. I was preparing Nostradamus lines and shit. I bought a crystal ball and some old raggedy clothes as I was preparing for a new life of a soothsayer. Unfortunately, that was the only thing that went right for the Chefs so I’m back in my office slinging stocks. The teaser was real close but I forgot that St. Louis and Buffalo are terrible and cant score more than 30 points combined. I have no idea why I picked those 2 teams. I’m so happy that the Rams are saddled with the last big rookie contract with Sam Bradford guaranteed 50 million which sounds like a real good deal. The Bills will eventually be relocated to either Toronto or London because Buffalo is fucking terrible. Has anyone ever been there before? I went to a wedding there and I can’t describe how horrible it is. It’s not Philly horrible or super dirty like Detroit but every second you are there your brain tries to wrap around the idea that you’re in Buffalo and you just shouldn’t be. There are only 2 good things about the Buffalo area. The first is the donut chain Tim Hortons. Its probably a half step up from Dunkin Donuts but it’s a pretty solid place. As you can probably ascertain, if the most memorable thing about your city is a donut joint that is only slightly better than Dunkin Donuts you really don’t have much going for you. I also just realized that I haven’t been to a Dunkin Donuts where I wasn’t served by an Indian in a really long time. I’m talking call center Indian not casino Indian. Why is that? The only other halfway decent thing about Buffalo is that it’s only about an hour and a half from Niagara Falls. Now, this is probably no fun to go to when your in your mid 30’s but I remember going there being 19 and it was like Disney world for an under age degenerates as everything is legal. Drinking, Gambling and strip clubs with a depressed Canadian dollar so everything was half off as far as we were concerned. That was a great trip.
Back to business……..Allow me to use just one last overused line of “what ever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” I have learned from my mistakes and I will not allow that to happen again. I’m bearing down this week. I think we can find some value in Week 15 and get ourselves back to the positive level.
Let’s review last week’s shitshow:
Lose $50 on Houston vs NE +3.5 (42-14)
Lose $40.00 on Cleveland Money Line + 245 and over 37.5 (30-7)
Lose $30.00 on STL/BUF over 35.5 (L), Baltimore +8.5 vs Redskins (W), Miami +18.5 vs 49ers
Week 14 Loss ($120.00) shitshow
WEEK 15 PICKS
Carolina +2.5 at The Whales Vagina +110
Carolina has won 2 of 3 and their one loss was against the Chefs right after the Belcher situation so they get a pass there from me on that and they had that game won. The Bolts somehow just beat Pittsburgh and I think that was one of those lets “win one more for coach” so we can quit the rest of the season type wins. Norv Turner has to get fired at the end of the year. I see Carolina as one of those teams right now who would be pretty dangerous if they didn’t completely shit the bed in the first half of the year.. Cam Newton has righted his ship and has played at a much higher level now than earlier in the season where he was pretty pedestrian. I think Vegas is thinking the same thing as all things being equal, SD should be favored by more being at home.
PREDICTION: CAR 28-23
Bet $50 to win $55.00
I was definitely kicking myself for not picking Seattle last week. In hindsight, that was probably the most obvious play in the last few weeks. Seattle rolls at home and Arizona might not be the worst team but they definitely have the worst QB situation. That leads me into my next pick which is Detroit -5.5 over AZ. I hope I’m not a week too late on this but Arizona looks hopeless to score points and Detroit should be able to score enough to cover. I’m going to parlay this with GB -3.5 at Da Bears and I apologize up front to the Bears fan readers of this here blog. I think it will be a close game but I think that some teams just match up against certain team better. Da Bears are a little banged up right now with Cutler not being 100%, they just lost Robbie Gould and no Urlacher. I think the matchups just favor GB a little bit more this week.
DET -5.5 at AZ -110
GB -3.5 at Da Bears +100
PREDICTIONS: DET 24-3 & GB 27-21
BET $30 to Win $84.55
1 TEASER (using 6.5 points this week)
Our teaser percentage is only 20% and that needs to get better. With the exception of the first week we have either won all 3 or have gone 2 out of 3 so I think it just a matter of getting smarter picks in play to start getting back to the winner’s circle. One of these days were going to go 3-0 and I hope its this week to get back into the black. We are running out of time so its time to bear down and get this shit in order. I really like this teaser as I like getting these points with all of these teams.
PITT +5.5 at Dallas
INDY +16.5 at Houston
NYG +7.5 at ATL
PREDICTIONS: Dallas wins by 1, Houston wins by 10, NYG wins by 3
BET $30.00 To Win $45.00
TOTAL WEEK 15 BETS: $110 to win $184.55
YEAR TO DATE REVIEW
YTD PROFIT/LOSS: (-67.71) (Our first steps into the red)
1 WINNER % (2-3 – 40%)
1 PARLAY % (2-3 – 40%)
1 TEASER % (1-4 – 20%)
MY BLUE HEAVEN QUOTE OF THE WEEK – This week’s:
“I know this guy. His whole life is fishing, but he caught too many fish. So he asked me, would I keep some fish in my freezer. But I don’t have any room in my freezer on account of another guy I know giving me a side of beef. So he put the fish in my trunk while the weather’s cold, unbeknownst to me.”