When I saw this video I was in shock for the first few seconds but then I realized.  See below for more in the Video of the Week section.

Week 11 was finally the week where the amazing winner had to end.  This is our first losing week since Week 2.  We went 1-2 on the best bets and a pedestrian 6-6 on all picks.   I can look at this 2 different ways.  The first way was to say I’m lucky to even go 1-2 because the Giants probably should have won their game given they had a first down at the 4 yard line late in the game which would have sent us to an 0-3 record.   I also can look at it on the bright side believing that they weren’t terrible picks.  I can argue the Giants should have been blown out if they were playing a more competent offense.  The Warehouses, although controlled the game, beat a bad team at home quarterbacked by an overmatched rookie and basically covered by a jump ball TD to Marshall earlier in the game.   I would think if the Rams and Broncos played 10 times then Denver would win 8-9 of those games so it was just one of those days.   Still chugging at a near 70% clip so I will be more optimistic this week and hope that this is not the start of a downtrend going into the final quarter of the season.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

It’s week 12 so the season is about 3/4 of the way over.  That’s crazy every year seem to go by quicker and quicker.  God Bless you if you can figure out who the strongest teams are going into the last leg of the season.   Who’s the Best team in the NFC?  Right now you would probably have to say Green Bay just because what their offense has done lately.   It’s a pretty blurry conference.  Arizona is 9-1 but Drew Stanton is their QB and maybe they win a game in the playoffs but they will not make an extended run.  Dallas and Philly are decent but have their limitation.  Detroit is Detroit.  Seattle and San Fran are flawed and are nowhere near as good as they were last year.  Over in the AFC,  you would think NE and Denver are probably the top 2 but Denver just lost to the Rams and NE have been all over the map this year from world beaters to sloppy.   KC just lost to Derek Carr.  Indy, Miami, SD and the entire AFC North are all muddled together.

Just a big clusterfuck mess but exactly what the NFL wants.

 WEEKLY RANT

As you are watching games you just get bombarded with commercials and most of them are just ads to attempt make you fatter.  This past week I saw 2 commercials almost back to back about Pizzas.  These blew my mind and the pictures below really don’t do them any justice.   The first one is Little Cesar’s Pretzel Crust Nacho Cheese Pizza.   The second one and the more disturbing of the 2 is the Papa John’s Fritos Chili Pizza.   #1 How is Little Cesars still in business?  #2 When did pretzels, nacho cheese, Fritos or chili become pizza ingredients?   If you have ever ordered either of these Pizza’s then just go sit in your car with the garage closed while the car is running and just end it.  Your life has derailed.

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Whatever happened to just ordering a regular fucking pizza.

On a unrelated topic, I was reading about this Bill Cosby sexual assault thing and I just don’t get why this is a story.  If I had to nominate a celebrity who would have definitely sexual harassed or assaulted women then Bill Cosby definitely would have been in my top 3.   The guy is like 90 and has been in show business for decades.  Of course he has.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

The fake video above was well done by Funny or Die.  The thing that sold for me at first was the appearance of Dr. Emmett Brown.  That was a good get.   The real one is nowhere near as cool but a pretty good start I guess.

 MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)

I had some continued success with this last week as I won my stranger game and also evened up my season series vs the unnamed reader.  In both instances I rode a huge game from Leveon Bell on Monday night to victories.   Will try to keep this train going

QB C Kaepernick  $7300

RB C Anderson  $7200

RB D Sproles  $6000

WR J Nelson  $9000

WR T HIlton  $8500

WR O Beckham  $7500

TE C Fleener  $5400

K R Gould  $4600

D Saints  $4500

STOCK CHART OF THE WEEK

I’m sure everyone has seen gas prices tumble over the last couple of months.  This is obviously a great thing for people’s wallets & pocketbooks.  Below is a 5 year chart of average nationwide gas prices and it’s amazing to see that we are seeing prices that we haven’t seen since about May of 2010.    I’ve heard some idiots on TV say this is not a good thing for the economy and that couldn’t be further from the truth.  This will increase consumer spending especially for the lower class who spend more of their disposable income for energy than anyone else.  The main causes of the decrease is actually the increase in supply along with some global shifts in demand in Europe and Asia.   The US produces more oil now than it has in 3 decades.  By next year we will be producing over 9 mil barrels per day.  That almost a double in production from 2011.   Also OPEC hasn’t made any large cuts in production but even if they did it wouldn’t make as big of an impact as it use to.  Consumer spending makes up 70% of our economy so there is no way this isn’t a positive.  We are a spending and service economy.  We don’t make anything anymore as it all made in China or India so spending is how our economy gets bigger and progresses in lieu of small production output.  Forecasts are basically saying these prices will be here for the foreseeable future which is another good thing.  Any problems in the middle east could cause some prices spiking but supply and demand figures say these prices will stay like this into 2015.

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    HAL’S WEEK 12 PICKS

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WEEK 11 GAMES PLOW HORSE REVIEW

NFL WEEK 11 lines resultsjpg_Page1LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 10 Results 6-6

YTD Results 82-73

Week 10 Best Bets 1-2

Best Bets YTD 22-11

Parlays YTD 1-1

Teasers YTD 2-0

Quote of the Week

This week’s

“Before you marry a person you should make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.”

– Will Ferrell

It’s good to be back in full force this week and, Wow, we just keep on rolling full steam ahead.  Another 3-0 on the best bets in Week 10 and actually went 10-2 on all of the picks.  We are up to 70% winners (21 out of 30) on Best Bets for the season.  That is pretty delicious.   However, I’m taking this past week with a grain of salt as the matchups were so bad and there were many one sided affairs.  You are seeing the cream rise to the top and the garbage sink to the bottom.   You need to take advantage of those weeks when picking games but things will start to tighten up as we get back into the division games towards the end of the year.  I’ll go into it below but I’m going with the simple philosophy on focusing on the shit teams and taking the other side.  It’s not really rocket science.  It will work until it doesn’t work anymore.  (Quick Note: The video above is one of my favorites and I wish I could be as excited for anything as this guy was for a train. If you can, listen to the guys commentary for the whole thing)

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

Have you seen either the Giants or Bears play the last month?  If you have then I’m sorry as you pretty much wasted a few hours on a Sunday or Monday night.  These teams have a few things in common.  Most notably, their defenses can’t stop anyone over a 60 minute game.  They might have a flash here or there but for the most part the opposition pretty much can control the game how they want.  Their offenses just aren’t dynamic enough to be able to consistently score points.  Again, they will have flashes but something inevitably will go wrong and just kill any momentum.   These 2 teams make up 2/3rds of my bets this week and for good reason.  When these teams lose, they lose horribly bad.  They do not play close games.   When they lose it’s by double digits and then some.   Who knows maybe this week that they will both reverse course and play better.  However, until they do then I’ll stay on that loser bandwagon.

 WEEKLY RANT

I was watching Real Sports the other day and they did a feature on something I really wouldn’t consider sports.  They did a piece on the first real big video game league and first college team to offer scholarships for team video games.   Robert Morris University is the first college to be doing so.  This team looked just like you would think a bunch of nerds playing video games, predominately overweight and Asian.   It fascinates me that video games have gotten to this point.   Towards the end of the episode, they showed some sort of world championship thing that they have in South Korea.  It drew 40,000 people to the event and it was also cast in theaters in North America.   This blew my mind.  Are telling me that 40,000 people showed up to watch other people play video games?  Is there anything more boring or brutal than watching someone else play a video game.  I can remember watching other people play Madden or something and I would want to shoot myself.    They also highlighted a web based league called the League of Legends.  It’s broadcasted basically like Sportscenter but highlighting video games and they announce it like a normal sports play by play.  It’s fucking ridiculous.  The CEO of the League of Legends (which is this league’s name) also said that he believes in his lifetime that Video Games Sports will be in the Olympics.    There’s just no way that can even remotely happen.  Now I can see Chess clubs or Chess teams in high schools and colleges being replaced by video game teams.   They are both a skill and take tremendous amounts of practice learning strategy but in the Olympics?  Give me a fucking break.   It also said the ESPN 3 has shown a few tournaments already.  Thank God, I just don’t have time to locate ESPN 3 on my TV as my head would explode.  In the future, if my daughter ever came home and said “Hi Dad, this is my new boyfriend Quan and he is the star athlete on the Robert Morris E Sports team.”  I’m not sure who I would put in a headlock first.  Now you might be saying that’s racist because of the name I chose.  It has nothing to do with race, it’s really just more bullying a fucking nerd on my part.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Staying on the train theme

MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)

Starting to get a little traction here.  I won 2 in a row vs the Fan Duel strangers I take on and finally broke my losing streak vs. the P&T reader.  Been probably more lucky then anything as I was able to avoid the big point getters like Marshawn Lynch or A Rodgers the last few weeks.    If anyone wants to challenge me in a head to head on Fan Duel my username is vgeorge19 and I will take on all challengers.

QB T Brady $9500

RB L Bell $8600

RB F Gore $7000

WR B Cooks $6800

WR J Matthews $5500

WR J Jones $8200

TE L Donnell $5200

K B Cundiff $4600

D Atlanta $4600

STOCK CHART OF THE WEEK

I’ve gone ahead and replaced the Survivor pool section which offers nothing at this point as I’ve been eliminated.   I figured what’s the point continuing that and I should use this space for  educational purposes.  Hey if you have read this far on this blog you might as well learn something that could be helpful instead of listening to my demented thoughts.  Let’s delve into the real legal gambling in the world, the stock market.

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If you know me then you know I have been saying buy Apple stock pretty much regardless of price for many years now.  It was a little dicey for a while but you don’t waver from a company like this.  If you do not own any then pick some up no matter how small the investment and just sit on it for 10 years or longer.  If you have young kids and you were going to save money for their college this year, start with buying a few shares.  I would say do this every year for the next 5 years at least if not longer for them.   Don’t worry about the price day to day and reinvest the dividends back in the stock.   If something happens with the company that changes it’s path over the next few years you’ll hear about it and you can reevaluate.  It’s the biggest company in the world so probably won’t miss the news.  I just don’t see it happening anytime soon.

I found this chart enlightening and also funny at the same time.  I had to format this chart a little bit so it cut off the years on the bottom.  But this is a chart from 2003 to current day.  Russia Market Cap is in Red and Apple’s is in the Green.  Apple is worth more now than the entire country of Russia.

 HAL’S WEEK 11 PICKS

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WEEK 10 GAMES PLOW HORSE REVIEW

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LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 10 Results 10-2

YTD Results 76-67

Week 10 Best Bets 3-0

Best Bets YTD 21-9

Parlays YTD 1-1

Teasers YTD 2-0

Quote of the Week

This week’s

John, chicks dig me because I rarely wear underwear and when I do it’s something unusual.

–Line from “Stripes”

Sorry Loyal readers, this week’s version has to be very short.  I’ll only be issuing picks as life gets in the way sometimes and I just wasn’t able to get time to produce a full edition.  But fret not…..I ‘ll be back in full force next week as I have accumulated some content that I wanted to get out there this week.  Quick update, last week we went another 2-1 in the best bets and were just a point away from going 3-0.  We also nailed the bonus teaser so overall it was another good week.

This week’s games are basically full of garbage matchups so if there was a week I could use a “bye” it was defintely this one.  Enjoy and I’ll be back next week.

WEEK 10 PICKS

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 WEEK 9 RESULTS

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LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 9 Results 6-6

YTD Results 66-65

Week 9 Best Bets 2-1

Best Bets YTD 18-9

Parlays YTD 1-1

Teasers YTD 2-0

Hello, Hello?  I might have posted that video in a previous post but I don’t care cause it’s fucking great.  If you have 10 minutes in your day please view the whole thing and relish in how pathetic it is.   Please never make a tape like this to a loved one.

Well, first things first, we continued our plow horse type movement through Week 8.  Another 2-1 week on the Best Bets and was feeling good going into Sunday’s night game with a potential of going 3-0 but The Pack let us down.    It brings our best bet record to a real sold 16-8 year to date.  We did lose the parlay also with The Pack losing so that was a disappointment.   We also lost in our survivor pool with Dallas bowing out like a bunch of cunts.  More on that below.  However, I have a real cheeky 3 team teaser that will be unleashed down below.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

This is something that needs to explained to me.  How does a city like Jacksonville have an NFL team and a metropolis like Los Angeles have no NFL team.  I know that LA fans are terrible and LA in general is terrible but I would think you would draw more overall plus you would be able to negotiate a better TV contract because your adding the second largest TV market to the pool.  Do you know the ranking of the Jacksonville TV market.  It’s 47th in the nation.  Allow me to give you 3 other TV markets that are bigger than Jacksonville.  Birmingham, AL.  Norfolk-Newport News, VA.  Greensboro-Winston Salem, NC.   The league would theoretically be able to make more money if instead of the Jacksonville Jaguars they had the Norfolk Shitheads.   If you don’t believe me than check out this link.  (Side Note: you should believe anything you read on the internet, especially from a news quality site like this one.)

http://www.stationindex.com/tv/tv-markets

 I would really love to know the reasoning.   Have you ever been or driven through Jacksonville?  It’s horrendous.   Nothing about that city says “Hey lets put a football team here.”  There has to be something more than meets the eye.    If anyone who reads this is from Jacksonville or currently lives in Jacksonville then I’m sorry we cannot be friends or acquaintances any longer because you’re hometown is fucking brutal.

WEEKLY RANT

Speaking of things that are more than meets the eye, did anyone hear about the guy who wonder off during halftime from the Denver game last week.  I have been absolutely fucking enthralled with this story.   Luckily, they found the guy unharmed an astonishing 4 days later.   He was found in Pueblo, CO 130 miles away.  He supposedly hitchhiked down there.  Do you know the reason he gave the cops?  He said that he said he had his fill of football and that he likes to walk and wander, and he was looking for a warmer place.  This guy is my fucking hero.  He also told the cops he hadn’t watched TV so he didn’t know that people were looking for him.   I really want to fly out to Denver or wherever the fuck this guy lives and just pick his brain on how to just not give a fuck about anything.   The details are sketchy because this guy is the epitome of sketchy but the big break came from his a friend of his Ex-wife who said she picked him up at a Salvation Army and dropped hm at a hotel in Pueblo.   Total Sketch but what an awesome fella!

This reminds me of a story about how Hal Verl missed the second half of an NFL game.  Hal wasn’t as lucky as just to walk away from the game.  I was rather taken into custody in football jail.  Allow me to set the the scene for you.  Flashback to October 2010 and halftime of the Giants – Bears showdown in NJ.  It was a defensive struggle with the Giants leading 3-0.  Jay Cutler had already been sacked 9 times and injured during the first half but the game was very much in doubt.  Hal Verl got thirsty and was standing in line at the beer line during the end of halftime.   At that time, you couldn’t buy beer after halftime.  However, I had been in line for a while and there was no one behind me.  The people in front of me were served and out of nowhere a security guard came flying up in his yellow jacket and got right in my face and said I couldn’t be served anymore.  I replied nicely and said something to the effect that I had been waiting on line for a while and the people in front of me got beer and there is no one behind me.  He then asked if I wanted to be a tough guy.  I really didn’t know what that meant and I quickly realized that me thirst for beer was not going to be quenched.  I replied to him that I didn’t want to be a tough guy but informed him I thought he was a cunt.   He surprisingly didn’t like that and we exchanged a few more pleasantries and I was guided back towards our seats.   From that point, it should have been over but I had other ideas.  I had to go up a small stair case in the concourse and as I circled around on top of the stairs I saw the same security guard down on the floor below.   I started screaming down at him, “Hey you in the yellow jacket, yeah you, YOU’RE A CUNT.  YOU ARE A CUNT.”   Boy was I proud of myself.  Even though I didn’t get that beer I felt that I got the last word in.  I started going back to the seats where I was grabbed by 2 gentlemen who informed me that I had violated the conduct policy in the stadium as I was screaming and cursing in front of children.  I pleaded my case but knew I would not be returning to my seats.    I figured that I would just be escorted outside where I could catch the game back at the tailgate spot.   Instead, they brought me up to the very tippy top of the stadium in a large white room with no windows or TV’s.  It was clear that I was in the drunk tank/stadium jail.  They took my inside and told me to have a seat.  (Funny side story:  I actually sat with Andy Robestelli’s family in stadium jail who was also kicked out of the game because they got into an argument with people sitting next to them.  Andy Robestelli’s was being honored at halftime of that game and they missed it.)  They took my ID and told me they would let me go once they made sure I wasn’t some convict or anything.   You could hear cheering of the stadium but you had no idea what was going on.  The only thing that was clear was when the Giants later scored a touchdown.   They were bringing people in and letting people go basically the entire time I was there.   I figured that I would be let go but I must have pissed off the wrong security guard as I was one of the last ones to be released after the game had ended.  The only people that were left we ones that basically couldn’t walk out because they were too drunk.   I learned a few lessons that day. #1 Just sneak a flask into the stadium so you don’t have to worry about beer timelines.   #2 Don’t call security guards cunts.  Find a better word.  #3 Andy Robestilli’s niece was kind of a wouldn’t.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Eric the Midget passed away a few weeks back which was sad news.  This is a long clip but the first few minutes are pretty great.  Eric tries to explain why he is not a wack packer.   I don’t get to listen to Howard anymore but I really miss it and will miss Eric the Actor.

 MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)

Good news, bad news in this section.  I was actually able to win my normal head to head but I also engaged in another one with a reader of the site who will remain nameless and got beat pretty good.  That’s something I wanted to bring up, if anyone wants to challenge me in a head to head on Fan Duel my username is vgeorge19 and I will take on all challengers.    For this week, I’m going pretty heavy on the Indy-Giants game which I would think should be high scoring.

QB E Manning $7600

RB L Miller $7300

RB A Bradshaw $7500

WR T Hilton $8100

WR R Randle $6400

WR S Smith $7200

TE V David $5700

K B Mcmanus $4600

D Cincy $5600

SURVIVOR POOL PICK OF THE WEEK

I broke a #1 rule I was trying to follow and it ended up killing  me.  There were too many things pointing to Dallas not being the pick last week and I didn’t listen to myself.  #1 rule I tried to never pick division games.  There is just too much familiarity that those games are tough to predict.  Secondly, if you really look at who Dallas beat, the only impressive win out of the 6 was beating at Seattle.  That was impressive not because Seatlle is a good team but nobody wins in Seattle.  The remaining teams they beat are either garbage or barely mediocre.    The pick last week was Miami and I seriously considered them but failed to pull the trigger.  So there are only 19 people left in the pool with 19 losing on Dallas.  I guess the only saving grace was watching Dallas lose and Romo getting hurt was at a minimum fun to watch.  I’ll keep picking to see if I can make it to the end of the pool.  This week’s picks Cincinnati.

HAL’S WEEK 9 PICKS

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** – Bonus 3 Team Teaser – 6 points / Bengals -5.5, KC -4.5, Arizona +9

WEEK 8 GAMES PLOW HORSE REVIEW

NFL WEEK 8 lines resutsjpg_Page1LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 8 Results 7-8

YTD Results 60-59

Week 8 Best Bets 2-1

Best Bets YTD 16-8

Parlays YTD 1-1

Teasers YTD 1-0

Quote of the Week

This week’s

I like to see the good in a bad situation.   Whenever I run into a spiderweb I just pretend I crossed the finish line of a race I didn’t know I entered.   Hard to throw up from fear when you are too busy being a fucking champion.

–Unknown comedian

This is the time of year that we are in where you gotta suck it up and puke all over the field if necessary.   Puking is just the worst feeling in the world.  I couldn’t imagine throwing up and then having to cover on a TE on a go route.  Lawrence Timmons gained some respect in my book.   Well, Another 2-1 week on the best bets and 9-5 total ATS.  I’m starting to sound like a broken record here.  Honestly, I thought we were heading for a 3-0 week as I was peeking in on the Monday night game and it was looking good.  But then the football gods decided to intervene and decided it was time for Pitt to score 3 times in a minute right before halftime.   I’m convinced it was the right pick but that shit happens sometimes.  However,  we cracked the .500  mark on all games for the season recovering from a terrible first couple of weeks.    We currently stand at 66% winning percentage on the best bets.  By industry standards that’s fucking great.    Also, bonus Parlay down below!

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

I was talking to my Uncle about this last weekend regarding Peyton Manning’s TD record.  We were discussing if it’s a record that might be unbreakable.  At first glance I thought the record will be broken because they pass so much in the league now and you basically can’t touch anyone on defense without flags.   For argument sake,  let’s say Manning only plays this year and retires (even though from what it looks like, he doesn’t look like a guy looking to retire.)  and he finishes with 25 more TD’s.  That would give him 44 for the year and will give him 535 for his career.  Let’s look at the candidates:

The closest who are active consist of Brees and Brady.  Brees, who is 35, has 374 and Brady, who is 37 has 372.    To catch him, they would each have to throw about 40 TD’s for the next 4 years.  Possible?  Yes.  Plausible?  Probably not.   To put that in further context, Peyton has only thrown more than 40 TD in a season twice in his entire career (55 in 2013 and 49 in 2004.) Both of these guys are clearly not in their prime any longer so for them to average 40 TD over the next 4 years is not realistic.   So I don’t think they will get there.   If they make it, it won’t be on their current teams.  Maybe they can pull a Joe Montana/Peyton Manning and go to another team and play at a decent level for a few extra years.  Either way chances are very slim.   If Manning plays beyond this year, I think you can put their chances at zero.

The next group consists of (age, career TD’s)  Eli (33, 243), Rivers (33, 238), Roethlisberger (32, 229) , Romo (34,222),  Palmer (35, 219) , & Rodgers (31, 206).   Of this group, no one really has a chance except for a very outside chance of Rodgers.  His problem was his starting career started too late as he waited for Favre to move on.  He would have to have a few monster years and quickly.  I’m talking back to back 50 TD years to have a real shot.    A few of these guys will get into the top 10 which right now stands at Vinnie Testaverde at 275.    I think Eli will be the highest out of this group when all is said and done not because of talent but because of durability.

When you start going down the list you quickly realize that the person who eventually breaks this record is probably not in the league right now.   I would think the only 2 guys who even have a remote shot and it’s only because of their ages are Stafford (26, 118) and Luck (25, 65).   If they both average 30 TD for the next 14 years that would put Stafford at 538, age 40 and Luck at 485, age 39.   See what I mean, that is more than likely not happening.

I think the only way this record comes down is a kid who comes out of college early, is a pure pocket passer, starts averaging 30+ TD’s right away and drafted by a team that can be good for a decade.   If that is the case we are looking at a bunch of years for that to come to fruition.   Pretty amazing when you think about it.

WEEKLY RANT

I tried to get into the World Series and I just can’t.   It seems like there is a ton of passion and I’m happy to see Kansas City get some hype for baseball.   When there is almost a bench clearing brawl then I start to tune out.  That shit is for July day games vs the Diamondbacks.   The world series should be the best baseball you see all year, not chump shit.  Last night, a Giants reliever gets his fastball deposited into the seats by Omar Infante and starts talking shit.  Now that hockey has started I’m much more into that.  I’m trying to decide to purchase the NHL package.   Ive been into it during the free preview month but that ends soon.   I’m trying to decide if I can watch it enough to justify the cost.  I think it’s about $150 for the season, which isn’t terrible.  However, with a 9 month old who doesn’t like to sleep or stay in one place it’s impossible to watch a game from beginning to end.  I’ve been watching what I can and then I’ll finish it during work the next day.   By that time though, I already know the score and everything so it makes it kinda gay watching it but I just like watching hockey.

I really wish they would redesign the NFL divisions to make them more geographically correct.  I would do the following if I was commissioner.

NFC East

Pats, Giants, Jets, Philly (The 2 NY teams should play each other every year and NY should be playing Boston in all sports)

AFC East

Bills, Pitt, Wash, Ravens (The 2 Baltimore teams need to play, adding Pitt matches them well)

NFC Norris

Bears, Pack, Lions, Vikes (The only division that gets it right)

AFC Norris

Chefs, Rams, Colts, Browns

NFC South

Saints, Jags, Bucs, Dolphins

AFC South

Bengals, Titans, Falcons, Panthers

NFC West

49ers, Raiders, Chargers, Seattle (the 2 bay area teams need to play.  actually that might not be a great idea.  I would think 50 people would get stabbed or get paralyzed by the lunatics there)

AFC West

Broncos, Cowboys, Cards, Texans

You play your division twice.  You get 4 games to play vs your old rivals and then 4 games to play an alternative division each year.   This way you don’t lose those old rivalries.   IF those games happen to cross over then you play off the old system of previous season standing.   I think that would be so great.

 

 VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Since last week we did diareah then the most logical way to go is to stick with the puking.  Just skip to just after the 2 min mark.

 

MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)

Another loss and my FanDuel account is slowly dwindling down.  You know your probably in trouble when you’re kicker is one of your top scorers.  I’m gonna try to keep at it and go with a strategy of getting come high priced talent to see how it goes.

 

QB A Rodgers $10000

RB J Forsett $6700

RB J Mckinnon $5800

WR R Cobb $8400

WR D Thomas $9400

WR B Lafell $5300

TE J Reed $5200

K S Suisham $4700

D Jets $4500

SURVIVOR POOL PICK OF THE WEEK

The Ravens last week was a no sweat type game which was a nice change from the previous nail biters.  Shit is starting to get real now as there are only 37 entries left.  Seattle and Cleveland eliminated another 13 people last week.     This pick came down to Miami or Dallas for me.   Dallas is the pick as if Colt McCoy gets the start then that’s just too juicy to pass up.   It pains me to say this and you will never hear me say it unless there is a large sum of money involved but Lets Go Cowboys!

HAL’S WEEK 8 PICKS

There are a bunch of home dogs and away favorites.  I might be a sucker for some of these lines and hopefully I don’t get trapped.

NFL WEEK 8 linesjpg_Page1***Bonus Parlay this week:  2 Team Parlay (Green Bay & Houston).   How is GB getting points, makes no sense so I’m sure it’s a trap but I’m just going on pure eye test.  I know that the Saints are better at home but ah come on.   I actually thought Houston looked good early last week and just had some bad luck.  They are about to face Zach Mettenberger and his first career start.  I’m pretty sure Tennessee is mandated by the league that they are not allowed to ever have a good quarterback.  

WEEK 7 GAMES PLOW HORSE REVIEW

NFL WEEK 7  Linesajpg_Page1LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 7 Results 9-5

YTD Results 53-51

Week 7 Best Bets 2-1

Best Bets YTD 14-7

Parlays YTD 1-0

Teasers YTD 1-0

Quote of the Week

This week’s:

This girl came up to me at a gas station and told me she ran out of gas and asked her to give her 5 dollars.   I told her I would give her 10 but she had to trade me for a hug.   When she hugged me I whispered, “You’re a whore now.”  I like helping people

–unknown comedian

I interrupt everyone getting Ebola for the latest edition of Parlays and Teasers.  I’m just a fucking plow horse.  If you need shit plowed you call me.  You need your street plowed when it snows, you call me.  You need a field of corn plowed during harvesting season.  You call me.  You need someone to plow horse through these NFL lines, you read Parlays and Teasers.  I’m just plow horsing these NFL lines week after week now.  Another 2-1 best bets in week 7 and a solid 9-5 overall ATS.   We’re at 66% winners on the Best Bets for the season.  That’s far better than I ever could have imagined especially after a 0-3 start.    If you strip out that first week then the winning percentage goes to 80% for Weeks 2-6.  That’s pretty fucking dope.   That’s the good news.  Here’s the bad news.  I hate this week, absolutely hate it.  I have no conviction whatsoever.  Full disclosure, I don’t think I’m going wager anything for myself this week as I just have no confidence.   The range of the lines are so compact.  The smallest line is 3 but the largest line is 7.  So basically Vegas is saying every game will be decided by a TD or less but more than a field goal.  Fuck you.  I’m having a hard time picking 3 best bets but I’m not one to back down for a challenge so let’s see if we can continue our momentum this week.    Back to the video above, what the fuck is that but damn that tune is catchy.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

Some fat white coach (probably Bill Parcells or Andy Reid) once said “You’re never as good as it looks and never as bad as it looks”.  It’s amazing the week to week swings some of these teams go through.  One week they look like they can make a run and the next they look awful.   It’s truly amazing.

I’ve been having a hard time getting the blog up before the Thursday night games.  But honestly, they all have been so terrible (with the exception of last night finally) I figured why bother rushing just to get it in before a terrible game.   I’m glad I haven’t the last few weeks as I probably would have been wrong.  But they really need to figure something out with those games because for the most part they have been unwatchable.

WEEKLY RANT

The biggest problem with gambling, fantasy, and being just a plain fan is that worlds collide so often it gets so hard for everything to align.  In fact, it rarely or never happens.  Case in point, last week when I found out that 40 people in Survivor had picked the Seahawks your immediately thought would normally “Come on Dallas”.  But being a fan of the New York Football Giants I hate Dallas.  Plus they were 4-1 and if they lost and Giants beat Philly (as we know none came close to happening) then there would be a logjam at the top of the NFC East.   But then you think the Survivor pool is like 9 grand so fuck it come on Dallas.    But does that make someone a bad fan cheering for a rival team.  I say no because it’s purely for betting purposes.  I also wasn’t openly cheering out loud.  If Seattle won then fine but I’m glad they lost because I’m halfway closer to the money.   I feel as long as you are not clearly cheering against your own team then it’s fine.

The last time the Kansas City Royals were in the World Series was 1985, 29 Years ago.  I was 7 years old, what a joke.   I thought it would be funny to see what was happening back then

  • Only six states had laws that required wearing seatbelts.
  • 20 states had not yet raised their minimum drinking age to 21.
  • You could still smoke on airplanes, but Aspen, Colo., had just begun enforcing a law banning smoking in restaurants, becoming the first American city to do so.
  •  “Back to the Future” ruled the box office that year, but for a few weeks in October, the No. 1 movie was “Commando,” in which Alyssa Milano, in her first major movie role, played the kidnapped daughter of Arnold Schwarzenegger.  (Side Note: Commando was a tits movie)
  • Billboard No. 1 songs in October were “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straits, “Oh Sheila” by Ready for the World, “Take on Me” by A-ha and “Saving All My Love for You” by Whitney Houston.
  • Nintendo was test-marketing its first home video game consoles in New York, featuring games like Duck Hunt, Donkey Kong and Super Mario Brothers.
  • Microsoft was preparing to release Windows 1.0 in November.
  • Jerry Rice, a rookie receiver for the San Francisco 49ers, had one career touchdown catch. He now holds the N.F.L. record with 197.
  • Cost of gallon of Gas $1.20

 VIDEO OF THE WEEK

I’ve never seen this before and while were on the subject of diarrhea

MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)

If there is something I really need to improve on it’s definitely this.   I’m pretty horrible at this so far.  I got steamrolled last week again.  I’ve only had 1 win in 6 tries.    I actually had many names that fantasy pundits were touting so I thought I was in good shape.

QB T Romo $8000

RB M Lynch $8800

RB L Miller $7200

WR D Jackson $8000

WR M Sanu $7200

WR J Jones $5500

TE J Reed $5400

K S Suisham $4700

D Browns $5200

SURVIVOR POOL PICK OF THE WEEK

Unbelievably survived another week when it wasn’t looking great and there was a big drop this past week.  There was 109 people left going into this week and that has been cut by more than half.  By my rough count it’s now down to 53.  I was shocked to see that 40 people had Seattle.  Now Seattle is pretty good at home but Dallas was 4-1 and playing some pretty decent football.   That just seemed to be a really high number but I’ll sure take it.  This shit is getting real but just like the regular games I’m having a hard time with this.   As I’m writing this I’m still trying to decide.   Just to review, I have picked the following:  Philly, Denver, NE, Indy, NO & San Diego so obviously they are all out.   I’ve thought about a lot of teams.  I’ve thought about Dallas but see the section above.  I’ve thought about Cleveland but there is just no way I can go out with Cleveland.  I’ve thought about Green Bay but Carolina just hung around with Cincy.   I think that Baltimore or Seattle are my only real options.   This is where strategy is starting to get to me because Seattle has a juicy matchups @ home vs Oakland in Week 9.  But can I make it that far is the question.   I think I have to go with Baltimore on their strength at home and the Falcons being terrible on the road.   Let’s go Ravens!!

HAL’S WEEK 7 PICKS

NFL WEEK 7  Linesjpg_Page1WEEK 6 GAMES PLOW HORSE REVIEW

NFL WEEK 6 Lines REVIEWjpg_Page1LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 6 Results 9-5

YTD Results 44-46

Week 6 Best Bets 2-1

Best Bets YTD 12-6

Parlays YTD 1-0

Teasers YTD 1-0

Quote of the Week

This week’s:

–I hate when people say that minorities are scary.  White people are the scariest.  You say the wrong thing to the wrong white guy, you end up ducted taped in a basement.   You never turn on CNN and hear “there were 8 dismembered bodies found in the basement of one Tyrone Jackson.”

Seriously, I’ve seen the Saw movies.  Jigsaw wasn’t hispanic.

–comedian Tim (no last name)

 

“Some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and everywhere such as.”  Hahahahahahahahaha that video is fucking awesome.   I also love how AC Slater is the fucking host of a teen USA pageant.   There was a Saved by the Bell where Zack enters Screech in a Miss Bayside pageant because of a bet with Slater.  This in turn makes Slater enter the pageant because he thinks if a man should win it should be him.  Well that plan backfires because Zack gets the whole school to think Slater gave Screech a black eye.   Slater should know he shouldn’t mess with Zack when it comes to a bet.   For those of you who haven’t seen that episode, Screech ends up winning in a waltz against Kelly, Lisa and Jessie (of course).

Sorry for that brief tangent.  I must try to incorporate Saved by Bell more in ParlaysandTeasers.  Anyway, this might be a truncated version as I’m burning day light here so wanted to incorporate some comedy.   Lastly, before I get to the games and reviews,  I am thinking about making some ParlaysandTeasers Tshirts or hats or some type of swag.  But I would love a tag line to go along with it, like ParlaysandTeasers.com (insert tag line here).  Maybe a reader can help me with this.

I titled this week’s edition (which is the 27th edition, by the way) as it was appropriate as how I felt throughout last weeks games.  It wasn’t looking good for while but was able to squeak out a 2-1 Best Bets week.  All things considered it was actually ended up being a nice week but it just didn’t have that feel as the last few.  But I will take 2-1′s all day long.  I also went 10-5 in the all pick section.  Let’s go look at some maps to try to find South Africa.

QUICK LEAGUE NOTES

Not really much to say here.   However, some real nice matchups this week.  Taking a look at this weeks games, there are a ton of tight spreads.   Should be an exciting week.

WEEKLY RANT

Again, we’ll have to keep this brief but if you haven’t tuned in yet, check out “Finding Giants” on NFL Network.  I think it’s pretty interesting even if it wasn’t based on the NY Football Giants.  If you haven’t seen it yet it basically follows the college scouts across the country.   I never really knew how intense the travel schedule was for these guys.  Fucking driving thousands of miles in an Altima to University of North Dakota takes a special breed.   Really interesting TV, way better than Hard knocks in my opinion.

I’m not much a college football fan and only tune in from time to time but watching the top 10 get decimated was pretty cool because I’m really looking forward to those teams who are at 5 or 6 spots bitch and complain about not getting in the playoff.  The playoff is a great step forward but there is no way it is going to appease everyone.  In fact, there will probably more outrage now because you’ll have many 1 loss teams wanting to get in, especially now since basically everyone will have at least 1 loss.

I’m fucking addicted to Candy Crush and I don’t even know how it happened.  I’m too cheap to pay for the game so when I run out of lives it says you have to wait so many minutes to start getting lives again.  I think that what it is.  If I can’t get by a level then I get so pissed that I must find a way to beat it.  Fuck you King Media I’m coming for you.  Don’t worry though you will never get one of those Candy Crush invites on Facebook from me.  Speaking of Facebook, I was on it the other day and I ended getting so confused.  I was scrolling through the News Feed thingy and  realized that I had no idea who these people were.  I noticed that on 3 posts in a row were from people I have never said 2 words to in my life.  Why the fuck am I reading this shit?  One post was from a kid’s brother in high school who I literally have met formally.  The next was from a kid in my neighborhood and he was on the same bus stop as me.  We never spoke at the bus stop nor ever in school and the last one I just have no fucking idea who the guy was.  I had to sit there and just wonder #1 why we are friends on Facebook and #2 why do I even bother reading the garbage.  I use to say to myself it’s a good way to stay in contact with people.  Then I realized that the people that know me all have my cell phone number or email or have the means to get it.  Facebook was great when it first came out because you could stalk broads from your past or new ones you might meet.  Now with all the privacy stuff that’s gone by the wayside.

Lastly, my worries of Unsolved Mysteries becoming repeats were unfounded.  I think they might just replay some on the weekends because the last 2 weeks have been nothing but murders and lost loves for Hal.

 VIDEO OF THE WEEK

I found this one while I was searching for the Miss South Carolina above.   Which one do you think is worse?  In my opinion, the South Carolina is far worse for 2 reasons.  #1 It seems like Utah just had a brain fart and couldn’t articulate what she was trying to say while South Carolina is probably partially retarded.    #2 Utah is way more of a wouldn’t that South Carolina and that friends is not up for debate.

MY WEEKLY FANTASY LINEUP (SALARY CAP 60K)

This is where I really let myself down last week.   I hit on a few like Eli, Murray and Lions D but the rest of my execution was garbage.   I got beat pretty handily.   Here’s looking at you Sankey.  I tried to get too cute last week.  Here’s my winning team this week.  Again, playing head to head vs come cunt in cyberspace.

QB E Manning $7200 (he’s actually worth less this week.  Makes no sense)

RB M Lynch $9200

RB B Oliver $6200

WR A Brown  $8900

WR E Sanders $8000

WR R Randle $5900 (I might switch him out but there are not many receivers at this price point)

TE T Wright $5200

K R Gould $4600

D Packers $4800

SURVIVOR POOL PICK OF THE WEEK

This is the second time this year where I had come to grips that I was being eliminated only to get saved at the end of the day.  Saints barely pulled it out last week.  This week’s pick took me about 3 seconds.  It’s the only one on the board for me.  A whale’s vagina.   As much as I hate picking the Chargers in anything, they are playing Oakland.  I mean come on.  The only loser last week in my pool was Detroit where maybe a dozen or so had.   I’m not sure of total left as I haven’t received the email but it’s around 100.

HAL’S WEEK 6 PICKS (Hal’s not picking any over/unders, just straight games baby)

NFL WEEK 6 Linesjpg_Page1WEEK 5 GAMES PRETTY SOLID REVIEW

NFL WEEK 5 Lines resultsjpg_Page1LAST WEEK & YTD RESULTS

Week 4 Results 10-5

YTD Results 35-41

Week 4 Best Bets 2-1

Best Bets YTD 10-5

Parlays YTD 1-0

Teasers YTD 1-0

Quote of the Week

This week’s from one of the best

“There’s a critical point, where you’ve stayed single too long, that your brain switches from “No don’t say that” to “Eh, fuck it.  Say it.  See what happens.”

–Bill Burr

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