SuperbowlSunday

The picture above my friends was a real Super Bowl.  I thought I would just reference the greatest play Super Bowl history right off the bat.  Well kids, another Super Bowl is upon us and another season about to go into the books. Super Bowl week is always a shitshow in terms of the media. I haven’t heard really one thing about the actual game this entire week. The only things I’ve heard about is deer antler spray, brother coaches, interracial mom and dad and gays not being welcome in the locker rooms. Side note: kudos to Artie Lange who prior to asking Chris Culver about gay players asked “how many white woman are you going to bang this week.” Just glorious.

I honestly don’t really give 2 shits who wins. However, the QB’s in this game are interesting to discuss. I’m saying right now which ever quarterback, comes out in the offseason and says they are an elite QB when the consensus is against him, I’m picking him to go to the Super Bowl. Eli did it last year and Flacco did it this year. I still don’t think Flacco is that great but he is going to get a big pay day one way or another. I think he’s just really riding the momentum of the team more than him. He’s probably a lower end top 10 guy, nothing more or nothing less. Kapernick is an interesting story. I don’t believe in this pistol offense stuff. At some point a defensive scheme will be able figure out how to slow that down. However right now is not that time but I still think its coming.  The only way you can consistently win in this league is with a guy who can deliver the ball from the pocket when it matters.  With that being said I think Kapernick can be a good pocket passer in time.   Kapernick’s inexperience has to be brought up as well, this will only be his 10th start. He is a fantastic athlete and appears to be a solid passer but can he come through with the Super Bowl on the line.

I can’t wait for Ray Lewis to leave the game but we’ll be subjected to him on pre or post game shows in the future talking about how great god is and how blessed he is. There’s no way that guy won’t be on TV cause he’s an ego maniac. I’m so sick and tired hearing about god from this fuck. He just brings up god when someone tries to call him on shit. This guys past is joke. Obstruction of justice in a double homicide, multiple kids with multiple women, illegal banned substance. I don’t know how this guy came thru so scott free. He took a little shit in that first training camp after the murders but that was it and about 12 years ago. I’m so sick of this guy.

I came down with a little case of the flu this week and actually went to a doctors office for the first time in about 10 years. The last time I went to the doctors is when I had knee surgery when I was about 25. That’s sad, I’m about to be 35 and I wouldn’t say I live the best lifestyle. Vodka, food, cigs, heavy gambling, lack of sleep, road rage, high stress are just apart of this guy’s life. I gotta start getting regular check ups. I didn’t even bother because I just figured the Mayan calendar would end and we’d just all die. That plan went to shit so now I just watch doomsday preppers on nat geo which could be the best show on tv. These fucking people are lunatics, storing 3 years of food and shit. If I had to eat canned food or freezed dried food for that long I would rather just perish along side all of the other solar flare victims.

Back to the betting portion of this blog, since its Super Bowl we are definitely gonna fucks with some prop bets which are always a good time. I’m pretty sure 5dimes has every single prop bet known to man but I’ve selected the following:

Coin toss tails -101 $50
National anthem over 125 seconds -140 $50
“Harbaugh” said over 20.5 times in 1st and 2nd half -215 $75 (this one is money in the bank)
Flacco passing yards over 235.5 -155 $50
Crabtree total receptions under 6.5 +110 $50
Kapernick total td passes over 1.5 +100 $25

Total Prop Bets : $300 to win $193.50

Oh, while were at it I guess I’ll pick the game even though considering I’ll probably will be asleep before it ends.  I can’t believe I’m doing this but I’ll take:

Baltimore +3.5 +105 for $75 to win $78.75

2 Reasons only and I think the game is very close…..#1 As much I as haven’t believed in Baltimore this entire post season run they had a pretty tough run.  They beat an emotional Colts team, beat Denver away and beat Brady & the Patriots away.  That’s pretty damn good and proves to me they are battle tested.   San Fran beat GB at home who has absolutely no defense and Altanta away which is a tough place to win but Atlanta basically let them back in that game and didn’t put it away.  #2 I just don’t see Ray Lewis leaving the field a loser at this point.  That team is going to run through a wall for him.   Then he will proceed to double murder a few people in the stands.    There should be a prop bet for that.  Number of murders Ray Lewis is tied to after the Super Bowl.

TOTAL BETS:  $375 to win $272.25

YTD Loss (-252.71).  If we can sweep the whole way we would end the year positive.  Lets see what happens.

I am preparing for the blog to be back next year for the nfl season and I decided I’m going to abandon the parlays and teaser format, I’m just going to bet games I like. If I want to parlay or tease I will but won’t hold to a week to week standard. It just to hard to continuously hit those.  I also thought about betting every game as well.  We’ll see about that next year.  In the meantime the blog will be back from time to time during the year to bet on certain events, baseball, hockey, college basketball, golf are all in play over the coming months.

Enjoy the game boys!!!!!

MY BLUE HEAVEN QUOTE:

“You know, you’re a good lookin’ guy. Face it, you’re a better lookin’ guy than I am. But I am always going to look them in the eye, and therefore, I am always going to get laid more than you, which is fundamentally unjust. You’re into justice. This argument should appeal to you.”

Round2

Asterisk. Asterisk.  Asterisk.

The fatal flaw of this blog was exposed this past week in a big way.  Since I post this before the weekend and normally type everything up midweek, I dont have the most up to date info.  Things that happen a few days before the game I can’t account for.  In hindsight, if I had know that Joe Webb would have been the starting QB for the vikes and Ray Lewis was coming back for the Ravens, I would haven’t have picked the way I did.  Even though Christian Ponder isnt great, he’s a  far cry from Joe Webb.   I wouldn’t have changed my bet for Ray Lewis’ physical contribution on the field but more of the emotional lift  he must have gave his teammates who didn’t want to screw up his last game in front of the home crowd.   With that being said, I will count the losses against my record but will bitch and moan while doing it because I’m a stand up chap.

In other local news, I recently got into a hilarious road rage incident that luckily didn’t escalate into murder.    Let me preface this by saying that people in South Florida have to be some of the worst drivers on the planet.  This also goes along with all most all people in South Florida are complete TRASH.  White trash, Black trash, Hispanic trash.  Its everyone.  Broward and Miami Dade county are basically 2 big trash containers holding the worlds garbage which likes warm weather.     Let me explain the scene.  I’m at a stop sign trying to make a left onto a very busy streeet.  One of those you need to clear 3 lanes of traffic in one direction and then having to account for 3 more lanes in the other direction.  There is no where for me to go with cars coming from both direction.  Some douche bag,  let’s call him “Felipe”, starts beeping his horn which infuriates me to no end.   I was so pissed he was beeping I edge myself into the middle of the road once the one way was clear.  However, now Im stuck in the middle of a 6 lane highway waiting for the other side to clear.  So I did as any blue blooded American would do.  As I was in the road waiting for the traffic to clear.  I roll down the window and gave him about 5 or 6 middle fingers and FU’s.     After about 30 seconds of being in the middle of a major street the traffic clears and I’m able to proceed the way I was going.   Well, Felipe didn’t take to kindly to my reaction and I see him basically do a illegal turn in my rear view mirror (cause he was going in the other direction)  and he gets behind my car.  I see him take his seat belt off and roar up to my drivers side as I am now stuck at a red light.   Lets just say we exchanged pleasantries.  After about 30 seconds of going back and forth he tries to slap me as he is standing outside my drivers side door and I’m still seated in my car.  He barely gets anyone near me and tries a second time with no success.   Now I have no desire to get into a fight in the middle of the street with some crazy puerto rican but this guy just tried to slap me twice.  So i tried one last thing to end this and called him a fat cunt.  He proceeds to tell me he’s going to get his gun.  I replied with “go get your gun you fat cunt.”    Now I still cant go anywhere because all red lights in South Florida are a minimum 5 wait.    He goes back to his car and opens the door and starts jawing with his old lady who was in the passenger seat the whole time.  She must have said something to him because he got back in his car and did another illegal turn and went back the way he came.    Just a nice normal Saturday afternoon in the armpit of America, albeit it was 80 degrees and sunny out in January.

FOR MY FELLOW BASEBALL FANS:

I totally understand the steroid era and everything but do baseball writers remember anything that happened prior to 1998.   Now I hate both of these guys on as individuals but Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens were the best players at their positions before and after that time.  Both Bonds and Clemens had great years prior to the Steriod Era.  Go back and look at their stats.  Bonds was a perennial 30/30 guy from 1987-95.  During that time he won 5 gold gloves and 3 MVP’s.      Clemens from 1986-92 had over 200 strike outs each year, never won less than 17 games (winning more than 20 games 3 times) and only had 1 year with an ERA over 3.00 and that was 3.13.  Oh and he also won 3 cy youngs.  Mike Piazza is another guy who deserves to be in.   Its fucking stupid.

I can understand keeping a guys like Sosa or McGwire out because they weren’t great players all around and all they did was hit home runs.

Wild Card  review

I mentioned it above and it was a real gay shit kicker.   Minus $100

I’m sick and tired of analyzing losing picks so this will be real short and sweet.

Wildcard Weekend Picks

1 Winner

Green Bay +2.5 at San Fran +110

This one is real simple for me.  Aaron Rodgers vs Colin Kapernick.  I’ll take Rodgers.

PREDICTION: GB 28-23

Bet $50 to win $55.50

1 Parlay

I’m sticking with my theory that Baltimore sucks.  Houston is playing with house money.  They are just happy to be there.

DEN -9.5 vs BAL -110

NE -8.5 vs HOU -110

PREDICTIONS:  DEN 28-14, NE 38-24

BET $30 to Win $79.34

TOTAL WILDCARD  BETS: $80 to win $134.34

YEAR TO DATE REVIEW

YTD PROFIT/LOSS: (-172.71) (I still got time)

1 WINNER % (2-5 – 28.5%)

1 PARLAY % (3-4 – 42.8%)

1 TEASER % (1-5–16%)

MY BLUE HEAVEN QUOTE OF THE WEEK – This week’s:

“Ehh, she’s not my type. I like ‘em… I dunno, kinda dirty or something..”

wildcardweekend

We are back baby and just in time for the playoffs.    It’s been a wild few weeks and a crazy year in the NFL.   The story lines are endless, rookie quarterbacks carrying their teams into the playoffs, AP looking unbelievable, Peyton Manning back to his old self.  This is why the NFL is the best thing going even though they are trying to pussify the game.

Sorry we missed week 17 but I hope everyone had a great holiday and new year.  I had a good one myself.   Hung out with the fam, played some golf, won my fantasy football league, ate a ton and drank even more.  I don’t know about you but drinking is just the tits.  Everything I enjoy doing involves drinking.   Now, all of these activities can be done without drinking but are so much better while drinking.  The only thing I don’t do while drinking is working.  Believe you me, if there was a way I could find a way to work and drink at the same time without getting caught or without it affecting me getting paid,  I would do it without blinking an eye.    Some might say “You are killing your body” or “Your liver is probably dead” or “Dont touch me, I’m sleeping”.  My response to those people is “Have you ever had a Moscow mule in a copper mug before?”  I have and they are fantastic.  It is quintessential drinking.  Drinking something that is made too strong but stays cold all the time because of the mug and tastes delicious.   Highly recommend from this guy.

FOR MY FELLOW GIANTS FANS:

I’ve added this one time segment as a way to vent to my fellow Giants fans as we watched our team fall short of replicating last years run.  I’ve thought about it and I think it comes down to 3 simple reasons why they couldn’t get over the hump and into the playoffs.    The first reason is the mental aspect.  They were not a very mentally strong team and believed that since they played best when their backs were against the wall they could just flip on that switch.  This obviously doesn’t work in the NFL.  The Giants don’t play their best when their backs are against the wall, they actually play their best when no one thinks they can win.  Against the Falcons and Ravens, I heard plenty of commentators and writers saying the Giants would win.  They love to play that us against the world card and you can’t play that card when you are defending super bowl champion.  The second reason was the offense depending on the big play too much.  Last year they completed many more big plays and this year they simply did not.   This probably has to do with Nicks being hurt the entire year so it allowed defenses to take away the deep ball.  An inconsistent running game, a down year for Eli and a tough schedule didn’t help.   It’s tough to change an offensive philosophy during the season as they are a high risk high reward offense but adjustments probably could have been made.  The last reason was on the defensive side of the ball.  Just as the offense relied on the big play too often, the defense relied on the front four solely getting to the quarterback.    This obviously didn’t happen with the frequency as it did last year which left an exposed secondary to giving up big plays.   They ended up as the 31st ranked defense and in the bottom half in sacks.  That wasn’t going to get it done in the playoffs anyway.

Lastly, as a Giants fan I’ve come to grips that we will never be the Patriots or the old Colts winning double digit games every year and always being in the playoffs.  Eli will never be his brother or Tom Brady in terms of consistency.    As long as Coughlin and Eli are there it will be a team of great inconsistency.    They have been together now since 2004 and that has been their hallmark.    However,  as bad as they can look for weeks at anytime they also can turn it around for a 6 week stretch to play remarkable football and that’s all it takes in today’s NFL.  Get into the tournament and usually the hot team wins.   I have the faith in Eli, Coughlin and the front office to make one more run before all is said and done.

Week 16 review

With all of the distractions with the holidays I wasn’t able to get time to post Week 17 picks.  I was able to last minute get in the Week 16 picks and believe it or not we broke exactly even.  We hit a parlay with the Colt and Saints winning $75.   However, we lost on San Fran getting killed in Seattle and hit 2 of 3 on another fucking teaser so those were a loss of $75 combined.  In week 15 we had a net loss of $5 so we stand at a loss of ($72.71) for the year.  Not great by any stretch of the imagination but when you factor in doing a teaser every week its not brutal.  My goal was to basically keep my head above water and we still have a chance.    My parlays have exceed my expectations but the straight up winners and teasers have been a large disappointment.    We still got time to get positive and now we get down and dirty with probably one of the most wide open playoff brackets we’ve had in a long time.    Since there are not many games to choose from I think I’m going to eliminate the teaser for the playoffs so we will just be going with winners and parlays.

Wildcard Weekend Picks

1 Winner

Washington +2.5 vs Seattle +105

Very Interesting game here with 2 rookie quarterbacks both playing a much higher level than anyone could ever have expected.   I honestly am basing this on only one thing.  I think Pete Carroll is one of the biggest douches in the game.  I just don’t like him.  I think it stems from the replacement ref game when he was celebrating like a kid at Christmas when he knew damn well they stole that game and then didn’t even bother taking the high road.   I’m also a fan of Washington at home with Seattle having to come across the country.

PREDICTION: WAS 28-23

Bet $50 to win $52.50

2 Parlays

Parlay #1 The lines seem a little absurd this week.  I feel like if these games were played on any other week the lines would look much different.   I’m going to do 2 parlays instead of a teaser.   I really like the underdogs this week.   I think either Vegas knows these games are rigged or they been blowing too many lines in the bathroom.  Baltimore? +7.5?  Fuck off, have you seen them in the playoffs the last few years.  I have and they weren’t very impressive the entire year.    I think Green Bay will do everything in its power to stop AP but I don’t think that everything in its power is enough.  The only thing that sucks is its huge Vig on these teams which hurts the payout but makes me think I’m on to something.

Indy +7.5 at BAL -135  (Chuck Strong)

MIN +8.5 at GB -125

PREDICTIONS:  INDY 24-23, GB 27-21

BET $30 to Win $64.00

Parlay #2 We’ll do a smaller one on the other game.  Again, the lines seem off.  I think Cincy is a team that can get after the Texans O.  I’m not too confident though.  The Texans haven’t looked good in weeks and maybe they can turn it back on but I’ve been impressed with this Cincy team.

Cincy +4.5 -110 &

Under 43.5  -110

PREDICTION:  HOU 21-20

BET $20 to Win $52.90

TOTAL WILDCARD  BETS: $100 to win $169.40

YEAR TO DATE REVIEW

YTD PROFIT/LOSS: (-72.71) (There’s still a few weeks left to get back to positive)

1 WINNER % (2-4 – 33%)

1 PARLAY % (3-3 – 50%)

1 TEASER % (1-5–16%)

MY BLUE HEAVEN QUOTE OF THE WEEK – This week’s:

“It’s not tipping I believe in. It’s overtipping.”

Week 16

We’re going to keep this nice and quick as I’m doing this on the iPhone and its the holiday season do be doo. Just a quick review from last week:

We won our 1 winner with Carolina beating a lifeless San Diego team. Lost the parlay because the lions are terrible by losing to Arizona. Lost the teaser cause the giants are the epitome of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde and get fucking killed the the falcons. Net loss $5.

Week 16 picks

1 winner $50
San Fran +1.5 +100

1 parlay $25
Indy -6.5 +100
Saints +2.5 +100

1 teaser $25
Bengals +9.5
Patriots -9.5
Vikings +15.5

I’ll update totals and amounts next week and will be back with another my blue heaven quote. Happy holidays everyone!

Week15

WEEK 14 RUNDOWN

Oh Jesussssssss……..We took another one on the chin.  We’re in a funk right now and I need to get out of this.   I spoke about trap lines last week and I got suckered into the trapiest (pretty sure that’s not a word) of lines with an 11-1 Houston team getting points.   That was very dumb on my part.   I really didn’t expect the teaser to win as I was taking a real long shot for a big payoff which would have been nice.  However, I had delusions of grandeur when Jamal Charles took the first play of the game for an 80 yard TD scamper.  I was preparing Nostradamus lines and shit.   I bought a crystal ball and some old raggedy clothes as I was preparing for a new life of a soothsayer.    Unfortunately, that was the only thing that went right for the Chefs so I’m back in my office slinging stocks.    The teaser was real close but I forgot that St. Louis and Buffalo are terrible and cant score more than 30 points combined.   I have no idea why I picked those 2 teams.  I’m so happy that the Rams are saddled with the last big rookie contract with Sam Bradford guaranteed 50 million which sounds like a real good deal.   The Bills will eventually be relocated to either Toronto or London because Buffalo is fucking terrible.  Has anyone ever been there before?  I went to a wedding there and I can’t describe how horrible it is.  It’s not Philly horrible or super dirty like Detroit but every second you are there your brain tries to wrap around the idea that you’re in Buffalo and you just shouldn’t be.   There are only 2 good things about the Buffalo area.  The first is the donut chain Tim Hortons.  Its probably a half step up from Dunkin Donuts but it’s a pretty solid place.   As you can probably ascertain, if the most memorable thing about your city is a donut joint that is only slightly better than Dunkin Donuts you really don’t have much going for you.  I also just realized that I haven’t been to a Dunkin Donuts where I wasn’t served by an Indian in a really long time.  I’m talking call center Indian not casino Indian.  Why is that?   The only other halfway decent thing about Buffalo is that it’s only about an hour and a half from Niagara Falls.   Now, this is probably no fun to go to when your in your mid 30′s but I remember going there being 19 and it was like Disney world for an under age degenerates as everything is legal.  Drinking, Gambling and strip clubs with a depressed Canadian dollar so everything was half off as far as we were concerned.   That was a great trip.

Back to business……..Allow me to use just one last overused line of “what ever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”  I have learned from my mistakes and I will not allow that to happen again.  I’m bearing down this week.  I think we can find some value in Week 15 and get ourselves back to the positive level.

Let’s review last week’s shitshow:

Lose $50 on  Houston vs NE +3.5 (42-14)

Lose $40.00 on Cleveland Money Line + 245 and over 37.5 (30-7)

Lose $30.00 on STL/BUF over 35.5 (L), Baltimore +8.5 vs Redskins (W), Miami +18.5 vs 49ers (W)

Week 14 Loss ($120.00) shitshow

WEEK 15 PICKS

1 WINNER

Carolina +2.5 at The Whales Vagina +110

Carolina has won 2 of 3 and their one loss was against the Chefs right after the Belcher situation so they get a pass there from me on that and they had that game won.  The Bolts somehow just beat Pittsburgh and I think that was one of those lets “win one more for coach” so we can quit the rest of the season type wins.  Norv Turner has to get fired at the end of the year.   I see Carolina as one of those teams right now who would be pretty dangerous if they didn’t completely shit the bed in the first half of the year..  Cam Newton has righted his ship and has played at a much higher level now than earlier in the season where he was pretty pedestrian.     I think Vegas is thinking the same thing as all things being equal, SD should be favored by more being at home.

PREDICTION: CAR 28-23

Bet $50 to win $55.00

1 PARLAY

I was definitely kicking myself for not picking Seattle last week.  In hindsight, that was probably the most obvious play in the last few weeks.  Seattle rolls at home and Arizona might not be the worst team but they definitely have the worst QB situation.  That leads me into my next pick which is Detroit -5.5 over AZ.  I hope I’m not a week too late on this but Arizona looks hopeless to score points and Detroit should be able to score enough to cover.   I’m going to parlay this with GB -3.5 at Da Bears and I apologize up front to the Bears fan readers of this here blog.   I think it will be a close game but I think that some teams just match up against certain team better.   Da Bears are a little banged up right now with Cutler not being 100%, they just lost Robbie Gould and no Urlacher.  I think the matchups just favor GB a little bit more this week.

DET -5.5  at AZ -110

GB -3.5 at Da Bears +100

PREDICTIONS: DET 24-3 & GB 27-21

BET $30 to Win $84.55

1 TEASER (using 6.5 points this week)

Our teaser percentage is only 20% and that needs to get better.  With the exception of the first week we have either won all 3 or have gone 2 out of 3 so I think it just a matter of getting smarter picks in play to start getting back to the winner’s circle.    One of these days were going to go 3-0 and I hope its this week to get back into the black.  We are running out of time so its time to bear down and get this shit in order.  I really like this teaser as I like getting these points with all of these teams.

PITT +5.5 at Dallas

INDY +16.5 at Houston

NYG +7.5 at ATL

PREDICTIONS: Dallas wins by 1, Houston wins by 10, NYG wins by 3

BET $30.00 To Win $45.00

TOTAL WEEK 15  BETS: $110 to win $184.55

YEAR TO DATE REVIEW

YTD PROFIT/LOSS: (-67.71) (Our first steps into the red)

1 WINNER % (2-3 – 40%)

1 PARLAY % (2-3 – 40%)

1 TEASER % (1-4 – 20%)

MY BLUE HEAVEN QUOTE OF THE WEEK – This week’s:

“I know this guy. His whole life is fishing, but he caught too many fish. So he asked me, would I keep some fish in my freezer. But I don’t have any room in my freezer on account of another guy I know giving me a side of beef. So he put the fish in my trunk while the weather’s cold, unbeknownst to me.”

Week14

WEEK 13 RUNDOWN

Well we were going along pretty nicely there cashing tickets for 3 weeks straight but we hit our first 0-3 this week.   All that talk about cake and pie skewed my thinking and it wont happen again.  In hindsight the picks weren’t terrible.   It appeared the straight winner was going to uphold up and get us a breakeven until Detroit decided it cant hold a 12 point lead with 4 minutes left in the game.   We hit 1 of out 2 on the parlay where the Patriots decided that they were a ball control offense and basically put the game away with very long time consuming drive in the 4th quarter.   The teaser we hit 2 of 3 but the ATL/NO shootout never materialized with Drew Brees throwing a uncharacteristic 5 picks.

I’m not about to throw in the towel over one week.    However, we shall get up from the floor and dust ourselves off and get back to it.   Allow me to use some other overused announcer or color man  sayings that further explain:

Its not how you start it how you finish.

All good cornerbacks have short memories.

Its not a sprint its a marathon.

Let’s review the carnage:

Lose $55 on Detroit Lions -4.5 vs Indianapolis Colts (35-33)

Lose $30.00 on NE/MIA Over 50.5 & DEN/TB Over 49½(23-16, 31-23)

Lose $30.00 on Saints/Falcons over 48.5, Green Bay -2.5 vs Vikings, Bears/Seahawks over 30.5  (23-13, 23-14, 23-17)

Week 13 Loss ($115.00)

WEEK 14 PICKS

1 WINNER

Houston Texans +3.5 at Patriots +105

It’s matchup of the 2 best teams in the AFC.  I’m liking the Texans here and I’m looking at them to do some damage in the playoffs as well.  They can control the ball with their running game and sustain some long drives to keep Brady off of the field.  Houston is 6-0 straight up on the road this year and NE is only 2-3 ATS at home.   It should be be one of the better Monday night games all year and I see the Texans as a more complete overall team right now.

PREDICTION: HOU 28-27

Bet $50 to win $52.50

1 PARLAY

There are a ton of doshit lines that either look like traps or teams I would never want to cheer for.  Speaking of dogshit, we rescued a dog from the Humane Society a couple of weeks ago(I know, I know I’m a pretty solid human being).   It’s been a few years since I’ve had to pick up dogshit since my last dog Big Baby Bear or Triple B as she was know on the WWF circuit.  The other day I was waiting for the new dog take a dump and she looked over her shoulder during the pooping process like she was going to really enjoy watching me pick up the load she was dropping on the ground.  It was almost as if she knew she ate something that was going to make me throw up form the smell.    She was correct.  It got me thinking how cool it would be if you could hire someone to walk around with you and pick up your own human poop.   Obviously, this would be contingent on humans being able to crap in public and on someones yard which I’m going to assume is currently  against the law.    But if for some reason that law was lifted I would be the first one putting out an ad in the classified section under “personal human poop collector wanted.”  I wonder how much of a wage you would have to pay for something like that.  It would have to be more than just a janitorial salary scale because its much more personal, I’m just saying.

How is this for a segway?  From human pooping to real life tragedy (We cover everything in this blog)…….On a more serious note for real……I’m going to try something a little different on the parlays and shoot for a bigger win.   The KC chiefs story with Javon Belcher murder suicide is absolutely terrible.   From a betting perspective they will either come out like gangbusters or shit the bed.  Last week they came out and played a very clean game for a win against Carolina.  I think they carry that momentum and play out this stretch of games in a competitive fashion using the tragedy as motivation.   I like taking them on the moneyline this week where they are +245 which seems like fantastic value playing the Browns.    I mean the Browns should never be a 2.5x favorite against anyone.  This is kinda a shot in the dark but will pay off real nice it it works.   I’ll go ahead and parlay this with the over in the same game which also looks a tad low given the Browns have been able to score some points.

Kansas City over Cleveland moneyline  +245

KC/CLE Over 37.5  -110

PREDICTIONS: KC 21-20

BET $40 to Win $223.45

1 TEASER (using 6.5 points this week)

Not a fan of the teaser this week and the last time I said that we won it a few weeks ago so lets try the same strategy.  Here they are:

STL/BUF over 35.5

Baltimore +8.5 vs Redskins

Miami +18.5 vs 49ers

PREDICTIONS: BUF 28-17, Balt lose by 3,  Miami Lose by 10

BET $30.00 To Win $45.00

TOTAL WEEK 14 BETS: $120 to win $320.95

YEAR TO DATE REVIEW

YTD PROFIT/LOSS: +52.29 (Hey we are still positive)

1 WINNER % (2-2 – 50%)

1 PARLAY % (2-2 – 50%)

1 TEASER % (1-3 – 25%)

I would like to add a final segment to this blog entitled:

MY BLUE HEAVEN QUOTE OF THE WEEK – one of the greatest movies for quotes of all time. This week’s:

“OK how about this? You sell me my double scotch, and you sell my friend his double scotch, but instead of putting his double scotch on his tray, you put it on mine and I’ll pay you for both. By the way have I told you that you look lovely in red and blue… Pam”

Week13

                      WEEK 12 RUNDOWN

Hope everyone had a healthy and happy holiday.  I gorged myself as per usual and it was fantastic.  I did stumble upon a certain dessert that I didn’t know existed but am very happy that it does.  We were at Whole Foods looking for desserts (side note: I bought an entire separate pumpkin pie from there for myself not counting the pumpkin pie that was being served at the dinner) and went to the display and saw this concoction called Cannoli Cake.  It’s good as shit and I recommend everyone run down to their nearest Whole Foods and grab one.  It’s got a little cannoli on the top and the outer part is coated with cannoli crumbles.   I would recommend it for any occasion.  Plus if you bring it over to someones house you’ll look extra special cause you shop at whole foods like a fucking aristocrat.   I swear to Christ I could talk about cake and pie for another 30 minutes but lets review a nice and successful Week 12:

We were super close to going perfect with Seattle losing a late lead as the Fins were able to put together a 4th quarter surge.   The sprinklers went off in the middle of that game so I will blame that for ruining the perfect week.   Speaking of the Dolphins, I was watching Ace Ventura on TBS or some garbage channel the other day having a nice chuckle and started thinking they should have an actual Dolphin as a mascot like Snowflake from the movie.  They could keep its tank in the corner of the stadium and they could teach that fucking fish to kick field goals like the movie dolphin does.   I would think more people who show up to the games just the watch the Dolphin to see how it did on its kicks.  Bodog or some site would probably start making a line on over/under kicks made by the Dolphin or Dan Carpenter.

With that said, all in all a decent week hitting another Indy & NE over parlay and hitting the teaser for the first time.

Lose $50 on Seattle -3.5 vs MIA  (24-21)

WIN $97.74 on Indy -3½ vs Buffalo and NE/NYJ over 48.5 (20-13 & 49-18)

WIN $45 on Washington +9½  vs Cowboys, Broncos -4.5  vs  Chiefs,  Falcons +6½  vs  Bucs  (38-31, 17-9, 24-23)

Week 11 Gain $92.74

WEEK 13 PICKS

1 WINNER

Detroit Lions -4.5 vs Indianapolis Colts -110

The Lions got pretty hosed on that game on Thanksgiving day against the Texans.  The NFL has some of the dumbest rules with the way they use replay.   If a coach throws the challenge flag on a play where its an automatic review it negates the review and you get a penalty.  Who thought of that rule and then who would say after hearing that rule “Yeah that sounds like a pretty legit rule to implement”?  You have a mutli million dollar camera/tv system in place to review plays just like this but if you throw a little red flag on the field you not allowed to use it.  Keep up the good work competition committee.

PREDICTION: DET 28-20

Bet $55 to win $50.00

1 PARLAY

I’m not in love with many of the lines because this time of year its so tough to gauge what your going to get from most teams.   They are all so up and down week to week.  It seems like there is a new best team in the league/conference every week.    You also don’t really know which teams have given up yet cause there are many teams still in contention.    For example, the Giants come out and beat GB pretty handily but would it surprise anyone if they lose to Washington or GB coming back and beating up Minnesota.    I’d rather fucks with some totals as they are much more transparent.  I’m sticking with the NE over because its been the best bet in the league all year and I prefer to beating something to death so it can come back and bite me in the ass.   It’s similar to playing the terrible game of roulette.   The number I play always is 19 and everything around it.   I’ll proceed to scan the entire casino floor looking at the monitors trying to find a table where 19 has come out like that’s cracking some sort of secret fucking code.  I’ll then proceed to lose 75 spins in a row thinking that its due to come out while all the other tables are ringing up 19′s like its their job.   However, NE is 9-2 in overs and in some games they have covered the total by themselves.   I didn’t realize but TB is 8-3 in overs and DEN is 7-4 so I’m just playing the averages there.

NE/MIA Over 50.5  -110

DEN/TB Over 49½  -110

PREDICTIONS: NE-MIA TOTAL 35-24,  DEN/TB TOTAL 31-30

BET $30 to Win $79.34

1 TEASER (using 6.5 points this week)

These teasers really jumped off the page for me this week and they were the first games I picked so in other words they are doomed from the start.   I see a shootout in the Saints/Falcons game, GB coming back to life after a very bad performance Sunday night and Bears/Seahawks just needs to get over 30.5 which has to happen right?

Saints/Falcons over 48.5

Green Bay -2.5 vs Vikings

Bears/Seahawks over 30.5

PREDICTIONS: Falcons win 35-31, GB wins by 8, Bears win 21-14

BET $30.00 To Win $45.00

TOTAL WEEK 13 BETS: $115 to win $174.34

YEAR TO DATE REVIEW

YTD PROFIT/LOSS: +167.29

1 WINNER % (2-1 – 66%)

1 PARLAY % (2-1 – 66%)

1 TEASER % (1-2 – 33%)

The Powerball is up to $550 million for tonight’s drawing.   If you get a ticket from reading this then I’m entitled to half of the winnings.